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When your mask cracks and glue can't put it back quickly enough

Suzanne

Suzanne

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
I knew I didn't want to go to a bbq today. But a visiting brother ( spiritual) from England came to France, especially to give a talk out our hall ie Jehovah's Witnesses. And one of our elders ( priests) decided to do a bbq for them and invited all of us in our congregation, which amounts to about 25 and some visitors.

Well, despite not wanting to go, I was persuaded to go and well, I felt that I ought for my husband's sake.

We arrived and I saw immediately, my mask was not going to hold up and I could feel tears pricking my eyes. No one was rude, but so busy with preparing the bbq, as we arrived early. Now, I have this thing that I hate arriving too early and hate arriving too late ( I know, complicated husk that I am lol). I also find that when there are rather a lot of helpers, I have this little saying crop up: too many cooks spoil the broth and that is it, I feel so shy asking if I can help, with this terrible fear that I am going to be more of an hindrance than a help. I could feel myself going into shut down and then suddenly, my husband is saying: I will go and Suzanne, would you like to come with me? I had no idea what it was that was being discussed, but I quickly and yes, I felt embarrassed. I mean: what wife goes with her husband to pop out for a minute, eh? My husband did get a tease but he was so good lol. What you, surely you can be without Suzanne for just a short drive? My husband responded: I want my wife's company for I enjoy her with me :D And this is from a man who has trouble with accepting me as an aspie, but sometimes, wow love overflows for him.

Well, I found out that we were going back to the hall because a brother and sister were locked in the car park. I begged my husband to take me home then and said with tears flowing, that I honestly cannot cope with it all! He did not even argue but did say he felt very sad because he wanted me to be there with him, but could see I couldn't cope.

I just couldn't cope with the social interaction!
 
Suzanne, you did wonderfully! You tried. Mask and all.. you did your best. Your hubby stood up for you, and kept you with him. Such an event can feel overwhelming! You did super. You even offered to help-- how scary that can feel! Really, you did an amazing job of trying to be there as much as you were able.

Are you home, safe and comfy now? Please know that I am proud of you. Your hubby did excellent, too!
 
Warmheart said:
Suzanne, you did wonderfully! You tried. Mask and all.. you did your best. Your hubby stood up for you, and kept you with him. Such an event can feel overwhelming! You did super. You even offered to help-- how scary that can feel! Really, you did an amazing job of trying to be there as much as you were able.

Are you home, safe and comfy now? Please know that I am proud of you. Your hubby did excellent, too!
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Oh my!!! But no, I didn't offer to help, sadly!!!!

Yes, with such a huge sigh of relief, I am indeed at home and just enjoying a 4 plant tisane ( infusion). It means so much to me, your words of sheer encouragement, for it is rather easy to feel useless. And I kept hugging my husband for his sheer love and support and especially since he really can't understand why I couldn't cope.

It was really the tons of visitors that did me in and then some beloved ones, who I do particularly get on with, were not turning up and sadly, there is one lady who has taken a dislike to me ( I suspect because her husband's eyes twinkle at me, but in no way, do I respond, but obviously she noticed and decided to be snobby with me) I cannot deal with female snubbery. So when you feel extremely insecure anyway and knowing that this one person is going to be there - whoa lion's den and I MEAN: a huge lion lol

My "mask" is drying now and so, by next weds, it will be firm enough, hopefully to withstand any social interaction at my hall.
 
Suzanne, see what I mean, you DO have some amazing courage. You perceived the woman's snobbery, and yet did the best you could. With a gazillion people around! Yup... courage.

Enjoy your tisane! :teacup:
 
Yikes, that sounds like it was very awkward and unpleasant. It's wonderful that even if your husband can't understand you that he is at least supportive of you, and obviously, you of him. For whatever frustrations you may have with each other it sounds like your relationship has a very strong foundation.
 
Suzanne said:
It was really the tons of visitors that did me in and then some beloved ones, who I do particularly get on with, were not turning up and sadly, there is one lady who has taken a dislike to me ( I suspect because her husband's eyes twinkle at me, but in no way, do I respond, but obviously she noticed and decided to be snobby with me) I cannot deal with female snubbery. So when you feel extremely insecure anyway and knowing that this one person is going to be there - whoa lion's den and I MEAN: a huge lion lol
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Oh, Suzanne you know that I can most certainly relate to that! Remember the Christmas party I posted on here about? And the way the wife of my husband's boss treated me? It most certainly did feel like going into a lion's den so I am glad that you were able to get away.:)
 
Datura said:
Yikes, that sounds like it was very awkward and unpleasant. It's wonderful that even if your husband can't understand you that he is at least supportive of you, and obviously, you of him. For whatever frustrations you may have with each other it sounds like your relationship has a very strong foundation.
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I see now what the problem was: I had preconceived in my mind that I did not want to go and then, on going, I panicked basically, seeing that we were nearly the first to arrive and just feeling so out of it, I wanted to run. Then, knowing this one woman was going to be there, did it for me. I am, sadly, rather pathetic when I know another woman does not like me, she might be the only one in the room; I am sooo aware of the person that it is a nightmare.

My husband can be enormously supportive, it is true and I value those times and try to bring them to mind, when he is being quite the opposite. But 'very strong foundation' of if only lol; no it is because neither of us want to go down the divorce road, since we are christians too, and neither of us want to give up. We also know that we are meant for each other and thus, we constantly work at it and there are times we get on great; today being one of those days lol
 
garnetflower13 said:
Oh, Suzanne you know that I can most certainly relate to that! Remember the Christmas party I posted on here about? And the way the wife of my husband's boss treated me? It most certainly did feel like going into a lion's den so I am glad that you were able to get away.:)
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Yes, yes, and yes, I do most certainly remember! Oh how I sometimes dislike my own sex lol In your case, quite obvious case of: you are in the way of her getting what she wants! In my case, I am pretty sure the woman is against me, because of how her husband is with me. The worst part, is he is FRIENDLY and she is COLD and I gravitate to FRIENDLY people. She has never actually spoken to me, which is frustrates me; that she should condemn me without even bothering to talk to me. But you know, I have had this all my life with females and yet, I still have not learned to: "shake it off"!
 
So true. That despite those of us who have such "masks", there's not always a guarantee that they can carry us through social occasions. Whether benign in nature or not.

I know in my own case that sometimes there's just no rhyme or reason for me to experience a fight or flight response. It just happens and can be terribly stressful when it does.
 
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Warmheart said:
Suzanne, see what I mean, you DO have some amazing courage. You perceived the woman's snobbery, and yet did the best you could. With a gazillion people around! Yup... courage.

Enjoy your tisane! :teacup:
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You really are truly amazing, warmheart. I do wonder however, how I can be perceived as courageous lol when I lost courage and went back home????!!!
 
Suzanne said:
Is that: trying as in annoying lol because I cannot see how I am still trying in the other sense!
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Trying as in perseverance. You're struggling, but that you haven't given up. That's admirable; not annoying. :)
 
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Judge said:
Trying as in perseverance. You're struggling, but that you haven't given up. That's admirable; not annoying. :)
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Thank you Judge, for being sooo encouraging too!!! I keep going because of my love for my Creator and this amazing forum!
 
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