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When to tell potential date that you're Autistic?

Thinx said:
I think Amy's an Aspie too. Totally. The female profiles often a bit different. Maybe this person @Gerontius is dating is an Aspie too, or has empathy with our ways of thinking and being.

I think the main reason this is tricky is the unhelpful stereotypes that get conjured up by the word autism. People may see us as damaged or weird or negatively in some way. So have information ready for whenever you mention this.
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Didn't think about that. Thank you for pointing that out.
 
VernalSole1355 said:
Remember, and this is something we all need to hear every now & again, men & women alike. Not every Neuro-Typical is the same. Look what happened on Big Bang Theory with Sheldon & Amy. Amy's an NT, and Sheldon is (highly likely but not confirmed) Autistic in some capacity, yet their relationship goes the distance. Sure, it's a TV show, but it's a practical reminder that there are other Amys in the world. It's alright for us to love an NT, it's alright for us to love a fellow Aspie. God will provide for us who we are supposed to be with.
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Amy's a neurotypical? In what universe?
 
@Gerontius, just be your best, authentic you. If it applies, use colloquial labels like nerd or geek, etc. If you get closer, you can give her the technical details. (Who knows? She might even be an Aspie, too...*)

Most women marry their dads.

*I'm pretty sure that I married an ADDer, which is a next-door neighbor to the spectrum. Looking back, I think that my mom is an Aspie, an ADDer or both.
 
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Crossbreed said:
Most women marry their dads.
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That is disturbing.

(Edit. Oh. I see now--you say women marry someone who reminds them of their father. Otherwise Sweet Home Alabama.

The possibility that I meet an autistic girl is rather high as I tend to meet an unusually high number of them.

We will see. Anyway that was a bit confusing at first!
 
I'd mention it fairly soon after things get going. One thing I've learned is that explaining some important factor in your life to someone months after you get together sounds like you're concealing it. Honesty is important. On the other hand, no need to make a big deal about it either.

"Uh, you may have noticed I can be a bit of a Sheldon..."

And she probably has.
 
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VernalSole1355 said:
Remember, and this is something we all need to hear every now & again, men & women alike. Not every Neuro-Typical is the same. Look what happened on Big Bang Theory with Sheldon & Amy. Amy's an NT, and Sheldon is (highly likely but not confirmed) Autistic in some capacity, yet their relationship goes the distance. Sure, it's a TV show, but it's a practical reminder that there are other Amys in the world. It's alright for us to love an NT, it's alright for us to love a fellow Aspie. God will provide for us who we are supposed to be with.
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Big Bang was careful to never indicate anyone was diagnosed with anything. They were very much afraid of blowback.

Every character on the show has Aspie traits and most would be diagnosed as such. Sheldon and Amy are the two biggest examples but the others are just different flavors of the same beverage. They also made a point to tone Amy's traits down as the series progressed because viewers didn't find her sympathetic or funny.

Johnny Galecki, the actor who played Sheldon (Sorry, that's an error. should be Jim Parsons), said his role was taken right out of the autism textbook.
 
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Au Naturel said:
Big Bang was careful to never indicate anyone was diagnosed with anything. They were very much afraid of blowback.

Every character on the show has Aspie traits and most would be diagnosed as such. Sheldon and Amy are the two biggest examples but the others are just different flavors of the same beverage. They also made a point to tone Amy's traits down as the series progressed because viewers didn't find her sympathetic or funny.

Johnny Galecki, the actor who played Sheldon, said his role was taken right out of the autism textbook.
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Interesting information. I think Johnny Galecki played Sheldon's best friend, though. Also, there is one character who is NOT at all spectrumy, Johnny Galecki's girlfriend. I think she's there basically as a foil - to provide a contrast with all the geeky ones.
 
Johnny Galecki = Leonard

Jim Parsons = Sheldon

Kaley Cuoco = Leonard's girlfriend, Penny - the NT in the cast
 
Jim Parsons is actually a prett good dramatic actor, as well as comedic. He played a stiff, opinionated NASA tech guy in "Hidden Figures," the movie about Black women who were key in the NASA early days.
 
GadAbout said:
Interesting information. I think Johnny Galecki played Sheldon's best friend, though. Also, there is one character who is NOT at all spectrumy, Johnny Galecki's girlfriend. I think she's there basically as a foil - to provide a contrast with all the geeky ones.
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You're right. That would be Leonard. My mixup.
 
I got last year diagnosed with Highly Functioning Autism. So before that i did not know i am autistic, neither people i was dating. If i had to sum up the negative comments from my dating/relationships i got, they were that from one point and afterwards i would feel tired combining studies, dating and social life and i would tell my partner that i am tired to go out. That would annoy them.

Anyway, if you feel that you need time to disclose that part of yourself, then don't rush.
If you feel that you don't want to hide things from them, then you can disclose that in your 2 or 3 date as others have suggested.
 
I feel that's information that I personally wouldn't share until I can truly trust the person. Trust is huge for me. If I can trust you, I will start to open up about the way I experience the world, without fear of judgment.
 
GadAbout said:
Interesting information. I think Johnny Galecki played Sheldon's best friend, though. Also, there is one character who is NOT at all spectrumy, Johnny Galecki's girlfriend. I think she's there basically as a foil - to provide a contrast with all the geeky ones.
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She has her own issues, most notably excessive drinking, which was treated as a joke. Probably not an alcoholic but she sure spent a lot of time with a wine bottle.
 
Good news folks!

I told her the whole story, considering that the process of getting my diagnosis set me back a year or so and practical people are curious about gaps in someone's history.

Guess what--she said, and I quote,

" I just wanted to say that your Autism is not a problem for me. For me, discerning God's will in the relationship will be the same as with anyone else, a label doesn't change that. Anyway, I'm off to bed! More tomorrow! :)"

Well, would you look at that! I guess if someone with a mental disorder and the fashion sense of an Edwardian scarecrow can end up chatting with nice girls, so can everyone on this forum.

This might be a summer crush, a two-year's agony of choice, or fifty years' matrimony. I have no idea. But now? The initial question posed in this thread is answered, and without bringing up that ridiculous charade, The Big Bang Theory. Nope, just happy people hanging out and talking about everything from religion to gardening to her antique sewing machine collection.

I'm relieved.
 
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