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When do my feelings matter? Detaching

Discussion in 'General Autism Discussion' started by GadAbout, Apr 6, 2020.

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  1. GadAbout

    GadAbout Well-Known Member

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    In the past week or so, I've had posts or threads deleted at forums I frequent.

    I deactivated my nextdoor account, not only because of the unexplained deletion, but because there was a huge amount of negativity, bored people just waiting to pounce on anyone with ridiculous accusations and criticisms. It was disappointing because I hoped that platform would be helpful to people homebound because of coronavirus. I also saw other people saying they were closing their accounts.

    Here, well, here's what happens when I come here. I look at the new threads and see nothing that will help ME cope or stay positive. Just a lot of new people with repetitive needs, such as "I think I may have ASD" or "My boyfriend is autistic. How can I help him and improve our relationship?" I used to reply generously with advice and support to those, but now I just have a feeling of emptiness.

    Detaching or quitting has been a behavior of mine for a very long time. Withdrawing from a social context. Quitting grad school, skipping family outings, etc. It does lighten the tension, but often deprives me of the emotional support and other advantages that I need. I don't want to continue that behavior, but online "communities" seem to be indicating that others with raging anxiety are more important than I am. I'm not sure what to do next.
     
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  2. Crossbreed

    Crossbreed Neur-D Missionary ☝

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    I follow a number of different types of forums according to my different interests. Sometimes one is quiet and another will be active (or vice versa). If they are all quiet, I'll do logic puzzles, go video surfing, mess with my hobbies IRL or just watch OTA TV.
     
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  3. BraidedPony

    BraidedPony Enjoying life and glad to be alive! V.I.P Member

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    People get weird when they are scared. Or frustrated. I think extroverts are freaking out. For me, I am very comfortable with the social distancing but I understand it is very stressful for most people.
    It sounds like you are being misunderstood at some other forums and not appreciated Gadabout. I am sorry that is happening.
    Moods change though, so give it time.
     
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  4. Crossbreed

    Crossbreed Neur-D Missionary ☝

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    Facebook reminds me of high school, so I don't visit there often.
     
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  5. Tom

    Tom Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I tend to go thru cycles. The up and down sort of thing. If you wait out the low periods it usually does return to a better one.

    As far as the repetitiveness, it certainly is there and understandable to lose interest. Once in a while however something a bit different comes along and you can feel that you have something new to contribute.
     
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  6. Tom

    Tom Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    But as far as deletions, I haven't experienced mysterious ones. It has always been a case where I saw the reason. And to be honest, usually deserved it. :D
     
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  7. BraidedPony

    BraidedPony Enjoying life and glad to be alive! V.I.P Member

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    I would take a break from social media and do something else for a while. Don't waste your time trying to figure out other people. They are incomprehensible. Is that a word?
     
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  8. Judge

    Judge Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    These days, being less-than stone cold somber to some may appear as being disrespectful. Worse even if you attempt to change the subject.

    Knowing that the social majority likely remains fixated on not what is said, but how one says it. Being acutely aware of anyone who may project a perception of a lack of empathy.

    Facebook? I've always thought it to be an online manifestation of "Lord of the Flies". No thanks.

    It's one reason why I'm reticent to join much of any other forum any more. Where I will likely be surrounded by those who are not from my tribe. Who at some point will chastise me one way or another because I don't react or post as they do. Though I must admit, I learned a great deal of my own autism from so much negative feedback from NTs in other forums I used to be in as a long-standing member.
     
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  9. Crossbreed

    Crossbreed Neur-D Missionary ☝

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    IMX, hobby sites have the same feel. It is easy for me to believe that fanboys & fangirls are often (not so) closeted auties... [​IMG]
     
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  10. Progster

    Progster Gone sideways to the sun V.I.P Member

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    Yes, this has happened to me. It's frustrating and annoying. I once started a thread on a forum (not here) and it just disapperaed with not warning and no explanation. I can only assume that there must have been a similar one that I wasn't aware of - fair enough, but they could have merged the two threads, I wouldn't have minded that so much.
     
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  11. Crossbreed

    Crossbreed Neur-D Missionary ☝

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    "Pausing" is not true "detaching."
     
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  12. BraidedPony

    BraidedPony Enjoying life and glad to be alive! V.I.P Member

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    Oh, I detach too, it's how I deal with things. It might be good to decide when to detach and when to engage?
    I gave up on trying to communicate with others, especially NTs a few years ago. My problem was I wouldn't give up trying to get others to understand me or forgive me or like me. So for me, detaching was a good skill to learn, but that is just me.
    P.S. your feelings matter!
     
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  13. Rasputin

    Rasputin ASD / Aspie V.I.P Member

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    I don't post to Facebook much, and when I do it is for a strategic reason. For example, I took advantage of April being Autism Awareness Month to add an Autism frame to my Facebook profile pic. I didn't comment, other than to identify as ASD-1. It was an effective way to communicate my diagnosis to family members without having to initiate a difficult discussion.

    Other than that the only forum I use is this one.
     
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  14. Tom

    Tom Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Detaching is I think one of the basic Aspie coping skills. Perhaps even a survival skill because there are many situations where it is the best/safest choice. But when the detachment occurs because of some simple annoyance I find it best not to get caught up in an over-reaction and burn any bridges.
     
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  15. Mia

    Mia Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I've spent the last month reading and reading about the virus. Numbering up the dead every day, I feel like a ghoul. It's been exhausting and lately I see the world as crumbling and falling apart. I don't know how to detach, I avoid instead, pushing away for a day and doing other things and then return to writing scary short stories where I am lost wandering the earth. I can't think of anything happy, except to watch videos or play games.

    Distractions don't seem to help for very long. Yet I become tired of being worried, and need some relief from that, so I work outside, sew masks, make cookies. They are all diversions related to the stress of this unpredictable time. Almost the same situation when my husband was ill for so many months. I simply went on day by day, as I'm doing now. Hoping it gets better.
     
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  16. Judge

    Judge Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Hmmm. Feel and appearance? - Perhaps. Yet looks can be deceiving.

    However I've never thought that enthusiastic people with "over-the-top" or "tunnel vision" opinions over benign entertainment subjects were truly confined to any one neurology. That more likely than not, such demographics probably reflect a much broader spectrum of mindsets, far beyond the two percent minority of those of us who are autistic.

    Otherwise entities like Star Wars and Star Trek would have been footnotes in entertainment history of the 70s rather than the broad and profitable franchises they continue to be into the 21st century.

    Where the musings and pocketbooks of a 98% social majority can- and do go a long way.
     
    Last edited: Apr 6, 2020
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  17. Elemental

    Elemental Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I went through my FB page & deleted every post I'd ever written; took me a few hours but I'm glad I did it. I'm happy to browse & read but not to contribute on there anymore.

    Here, I come & go, I often read through without contributing though.
     
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  18. Giraffes

    Giraffes Active Member

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    Hey GadAbout i can only share my experiences, this is my first and only forum and i'm a newbe really, it has given me a positive aspect to my life that wasn't there before and that is a community of varied individuals who experience their Autism in their own way, some echo my experiences and provide insight and strategies to problems and others, as is with all people see the world very differently, i hope you have a good evening.
     
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  19. Aspychata

    Aspychata Serenity waves, beachy vibes

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    GadAbout
    Sorry you feel let down in some respect. These places represent anonymity to me, so if my post does a twilight zone- l think that's interesting, l can't place that much emphasis on it.
    I don't always find positive enlightment here nor do l expect too. I find people struggling to put pieces of the puzzle together and looking for a response of you are not alone.
    Have zero idea of what l am trying to say except is there something that will hold your interest more? Are you just bored with us? Haha. Because as spectrum polywog myself - l love to ruminate over stuff again and again. It's the rumination stim, lol.
    But on to you, maybe you need something new to do? Not sure what to suggest? Anyways- hope you feel validated and wishing you a good day.
     
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  20. Gracey

    Gracey Well-Known Member

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    @GadAbout

    maybe you could start a thread, or blog (?)
    concerning the things that may help you cope or stay positive?
     
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