When did you find out that you were supposed to interact with people?

[NinaB]

How old were you and how was that moment for you? What happened that made you realize that. I would be glad if not only aspies/autistics answered but also NT's

 

[Lichi]

I think this is something I go through repeatedly. It does involve panic and frustration on my part. It's not until I see now how people around me have had friend for such a long time and that they talk to each other at other times when we are not together that I realised it comes from interaction.

 

[Bolletje]

I don’t think I ever had to realize this, I just knew. I was very outgoing as a young child.

 

[tree]

I don't remember back that far.
I expect it was around 8 weeks of age.
By that time babies smile in response to
their mother's face.

I remember when I was 3 years old,
my father used to ask "Where is the little
girl that sings and dances?" and I was
supposed to pop out and do this.

Maybe I am not understanding the question
posed in the Post #1.

 

[NinaB]

What about people aside from family, children from school for example, making small talk to make friends, at market, every other places where there's people....

 

[tree]

I played in my sandbox with other girls
when I was 3 and 4. I decided one day
I'd had enough of an older girl putting
sand on my head, so I got a 2 X 4 and
started over to her house, but my mother
stopped me.

I went to kindergarten and played and
talked with some of the other kids.

I don't remember any specific lightning bolt
time when I became aware that it was
possible to interact with people.

It's more like I became aware that some
people are more fun to interact with than
others.

 

[Mia]

What about people aside from family, children from school for example, making small talk to make friends, at market, every other places where there's people....

When I was about six or so I made friends with a girl who lived on my street. Met her through my brother, who was friends with her brother. We played together along with some younger siblings, the younger sisters also became friends with one another.

When I reached my early teens. I met friends at school and in the neighbourhood that we had moved to. My family was a closed unit, which I didn't like. So I made friends with females my age. Think I learned how to do this from television and movies and books.

 

[Gritches]

When I realized it wasn't optional.

Not sure how old I was, I don't think there was a lightning bolt moment, more of a gradual abandonment of hope that it was an optional thing.

 

[Catalyst]

I can't recall a moment that I realized I was supposed to interact with people. Honestly, I can only remember approaching two people in my life first. One became one of my best friends, because I wanted to tell her she was annoying the people around me (I heard them talk to each other about beating her up to make her stop, or I probably wouldn't have noticed) and the other would become my ex-husband when we were in college, and really the best friend I just mentioned introduced us to each other. But almost every interaction that I've initiated had some purpose other than interaction. Trying to gain knowledge about something or expressing a concern. I wouldn't even see my current boyfriend every week if he hadn't said he wants to, and we're both so socially awkward that other than certain typical bf/gf relations (ahem) we just watch TV together most of the time, and then talk about what we just watched because we geek out. Going on dates consist of super hero movies and Pokemon hunting. He's actually being referred to an ASD specialist, too, so our social interactions probably can't be seen as typical.

 

[onlything]

I remember that there was a boy in kindergarden that used to always stick to me. He was an outcast, I was not interested in others and the only kid available, so he stuck with me. Mum told me to be nice, so I was.

But when did I fully realise though how different I am and how differently I communicated in comparison to other people? I think it was when I was about 10 or 11, maybe even later. My class got up to go out and have fun and I was left watching them leaving and laughing. This is when I realised Iwas supposed to behave differently and to communicate more with others.

When did I really start trying? Beginning of high school.

 

[Tom]

My mom brought me to the first day of kindergarden.

We went into a old gothic courtyard surrounded by a tall wrought iron fence. The parents were whisked out by nuns and they shut the gates. Bedlam. Nearly all the kids made a mad rush for the fence screaming for their parents like the nuns were Morlocks going to eat us.

I thought 'These are my peers...'

 

[the_tortoise]

I don't understand the question....when did I realize I was expected to make small talk? Never. Things like that, I have been explicitly instructed in, and I still don't always do them (forget or can't or don't want to).

The instruction I received (at least, that i remember....there may have been stuff before this but if so I didn't understand) began around age 12 or 13, all in little bits and pieces here and there....casual/informal, not like a class or therapy sessions (well, not always in therapy sessions -- mostly from friends and family).

 

[Thinx]

I had a sister 15 months older than me so my memory is we interacted from always. The shock for me was first day at school age 5. Other people were so not what I expected. I was very confused and overwhelmed. I was quite inclined to speak up at first but kept somehow getting it wrong.

Very bright so fairly accepted by teachers and couldn't work out how to join in with children. They had rules I couldn't get. That always made me confused and feel bad. I became quieter and didn't like school anymore. However I coped and was helped by being bright and having a sense of humour think that was valued in my generally weird family.

Secondary school was easier and I just went to the library every lunchtime and read books. Usually I had one friend, and as time went on I had a group of friends, though this was lost to me when we went to university , I can't seem to keep in touch if I don't see people day to day, that's still true.

 

[SusanLR]

Who says you're supposed to?
Teachers, psychs?
No one coached me on how it's supposed to be,
I just did as I wanted and by first grade I had one neighbor boy a couple of years older than me that came to visit my Grandmother with his parents that somehow I liked to talk with and we were friends for the two years I lived there.
Then my family moved to another town 120 miles away
and I did what was needed to be done in school, but, made no friends.
In grade school, recess time, there were a few girls from other grades that managed to find a common ground of enjoying acting. But, that was just at school.
By the time I was in 8th grade I was so tired of the jocks, and cheerleader's groups, I joined a small after school science club and got along well with another girl who loved astronomy and her Dad was the head of the Astrophysics dept. at the University I ultimately went to.
High school was home schooled and I don't feel I missed
a thing.

 

[Progster]

I can't remember that, probably when the adults started to try to catch my attention or talk and make me smile or interact, or in kindergarten when you are encouraged to be sociable and cooperative with other kids. My only memory of kindergarten is of being punished for not being cooperating or not sharing or something.

I remember as a very small child, being taken to a kid's birthday party and my mum making me say 'thank you' because I was supposed to say it but hadn't, and then I clammed up and couldn't speak, and then was in big trouble over it.

I didn't have good social skills and melted down a lot, I didn't have friends until I was in secondary school.

 

[Bella Pines]

Early 20s.

However, the more depressing realization came when I was 37. I used to believe that people would one day just "wake up", and be logical, that if I kept explaining things, they would eventually get it. I was in a dull office meeting, once again stating the obvious, and looked around me. I counted 9 NTs with hostile looks on their faces and realized that they would never wake up. That the people talking sense and being logical were unfortunately minority and the NTs will never change.

 

[Ezra]

I don't remember the moment but I started interacting some after I turned 8 years old.

 

[WildCat]

The moment I started talking in sentences is when it really took off, more so when I started elementary/grade school. I still regret that decision to this day

 

[Judge]

Kindergarten- age five. When I wasn't offered a choice about the matter.

 

[firelight77]

I don't remember for myself, I only remember having another 6 year old who would do my bidding and interact for me, stealing the shoes of my special interest ....weird he wasn't won over by that.....For my own daughter she was about 4 or 5 before she even noticed people around her, but a while longer before she began talking or interacting with them. Pretty much only with people who do most of the talking for her, to this day.