What's your excuse?

[tree]

I can't do your homework because it's all written
in that language they use in England and
I am from America.

Why didn't you catch those chickens for me before they
flew off into the woods?

 

[metalminx24]

Because I wasn't expecting them to fly!! (What kind of scientific experiments are going on over there?!)

Why didn't you bake me a chocolate brownie?

 

[inabox]

Because after the massive failure of both attempts of baking my son a birthday cake I thought you'd be better making it yourself if you'd actually like it to be edible.

Why have you broken the washing machine?

 

[tree]

The washing machine isn't really broken.
It just looks that way because I haven't used it
in so long.

Why don't you come help me figure out what to
do with all that stuff in the back room?

 

[metalminx24]

Because I'm a 'thrower' and the whole lot would indiscriminately end up in a skip, regardless of monetary or sentimental value.

Why didn't you try mixing it with marmalade?

 

[tree]

Usually I just spread the marmalade between
the layers, but since only the mother hen is old enough
to be a layer and the 2 she hatched are still too young,
there was no hope for that approach.

So, mixing with marmalade really might have worked,
if I used industrial sized barrels of the stuff. (And they
were wearing breathing apparatus so they wouldn't
suffocate.) I just didn't think of it at the time.

Won't you please start making the weekend as
long as the rest of the week?

 

[Flinty]

I don't see where that makes a difference to you.

Who's preventing autumn from beginning?

 

[tree]

Me. I have bribed the Cause of Weather to
hold back so that 2 days per week will be
enough time to get help with all the heavy
stuff that needs doing around here before
winter.

Why are you wearing that pink feather boa under
your jacket today?

 

[DC1346]

Haven't you heard? It's casual work day.

Why did it take an electrician for my school district ONE YEAR to install a new breaker so I could finally use my brand new commercial quality refrigerator? (BTW - true story)

 

[Flinty]

The work order said September 9, just not which September 9.

Why is there a Shmoo going under my apartment door?

 

[Aspergirl4hire]

Because it's less trouble than getting an aspie to open the door for a visitor.

What will the Polish think of my hat in 100 years?

 

[metalminx24]

They will think "what an odd thing for an aardvark to have worn!" because it's a transfiguration hat.

Why has it been two months since you last brushed your teeth?

 

[DORKYCHOU]

Oh, it isn't two months since I last brushed my teeth -- you must haven't washed your eyes in years.

How come no one ever noticed I were back?

 

[metalminx24]

I hadn't noticed you'd gone, possibly because it's been a while since I washed my eyes...

Why didn't you provide balloons and cake with which to celebrate your return?

 

[DORKYCHOU]

I was expecting you to do so.

How do I pronounce "lollapalloozza"?

 

[tree]

If you don't know any other way,
maybe this is how: lidigollidigapidigallidigoozzidiga.

Why did you put the dishes in the sink upside down?

 

[DORKYCHOU]

Because I didn't place them sideways.

How can you explain global warning?

 

[Flinty]

Just point a yellow card at literally everyone.

Why do I have so much gas?

 

[DORKYCHOU]

Because either you inflated yourself, or filled up with way so much petrol.

Why is everyone still sleepy?

 

[tree]

Too much catnip tea, I think.
----------------------------

Why can't you keep your mouth shut?