What’s With the Good Morning Thing?

[RiverSong]

I’m wondering if anyone else is bothered or annoyed by this or if I’m just weird in this regard, but I don’t see the point in saying good morning to the same people day after day.

I’m not talking about a stranger I’ve seen on the street and end up saying “Morning” to. I’m not even talking about co-workers that require a morning greeting as some sort of status check.

No, I’m talking about the people I live with. The people I see every single day and who want me to give a greeting as soon as I see them.

When I was a kid, I had to say good morning to my family or they would get offended that I hadn’t greeted them. I couldn’t get up each day and when I saw a family member, just start a talking to them. No! I had to say some sort of morning greeting first.

This always bothered me but I didn’t understand why it bugged me so much. This still happens now even though I live with other people. There’s still this unspoken rule of the “good morning ritual.”

I just don’t see the point in it. They already know that I live here and that they will see me, so why do I have to say some sort of good morning every day?

I prefer to skip the hollow nicety and start talking about whatever’s important for that day. And the same applies with “hi” or “hello,” although I’m less bothered when giving these greetings. I still don’t see why I have to say it every day to these same people.

I can understand that most require or want an acknowledgement first before diving into conversation. But I would expect this with people I’ve newly met. Or people in the workplace where there’s a more formal setting and they expect a social acknowledgement. But folks I already know and see every day in a casual setting, I just don’t get it.

I mean, does everyone automatically do the good morning thing without thinking? Is this a natural response people have? Or am I making too much of this? Should I just spit out greetings like a robot?

 

[Kirsty]

No, what's probably even more strange is, in my house of five tenants, we blank each other out all the time and don't speak. At times we wait for each other to leave the kitchen. Once they've shut their bedroom door, I wait a few minutes in case they come out again before going in to the kitchen myself. We all do this, it's not just me.

I would just say good morning naturally without thinking, but I don't give two hoots about the people I live with so I don't bother.

 

[Questella]

It's just one of those things I suppose. I often forget to. My normal greeting if I do remember is just, "what's up?" I can't keep track of what time of day it is. xD

 

[tee]

I mean, does everyone automatically do the good morning thing without thinking? Is this a natural response people have? Or am I making too much of this? Should I just spit out greetings like a robot?

Now that I'm thinking about it I can't remember ever saying good morning to anyone. I guess it hasn't particularly bothered me when other people say it to me but it does seem unnatural enough to me that I don't say it. I always just say hi. One greeting that does drive me nuts is "how's it going?" or any other question like that (though I must admit I say it sometimes out of habit). I think sometimes when people say that to me I will go "I, um... yeah..."

It always feels better for me if I try to be mindful and don't say things like a robot. Though my family doesn't make a point of it if I don't.

 

[Streetwise]

I’m wondering if anyone else is bothered or annoyed by this or if I’m just weird in this regard, but I don’t see the point in saying good morning to the same people day after day.

I’m not talking about a stranger I’ve seen on the street and end up saying “Morning” to. I’m not even talking about co-workers that require a morning greeting as some sort of status check.

No, I’m talking about the people I live with. The people I see every single day and who want me to give a greeting as soon as I see them.

When I was a kid, I had to say good morning to my family or they would get offended that I hadn’t greeted them. I couldn’t get up each day and when I saw a family member, just start a talking to them. No! I had to say some sort of morning greeting first.

This always bothered me but I didn’t understand why it bugged me so much. This still happens now even though I live with other people. There’s still this unspoken rule of the “good morning ritual.”

I just don’t see the point in it. They already know that I live here and that they will see me, so why do I have to say some sort of good morning every day?

I prefer to skip the hollow nicety and start talking about whatever’s important for that day. And the same applies with “hi” or “hello,” although I’m less bothered when giving these greetings. I still don’t see why I have to say it every day to these same people.

I can understand that most require or want an acknowledgement first before diving into conversation. But I would expect this with people I’ve newly met. Or people in the workplace where there’s a more formal setting and they expect a social acknowledgement. But folks I already know and see every day in a casual setting, I just don’t get it.

I mean, does everyone automatically do the good morning thing without thinking? Is this a natural response people have? Or am I making too much of this? Should I just spit out greetings like a robot?

its the animal thing again youre being sized up are you trouble because i DONT care that much about you i care most about me and protecting myself

 

[Katleya]

My default greeting is "hey", including at work, and "hey" is not even considered standard where I live. I use it mostly to signal my presence and get people's attention when I need it, though, so I can use it several times throughout the day with the same person... or not at all if I don't see anybody.
In the past, I've had Swedish, Danish and Finnish colleagues who found it quite amusing, because it works for them.

Other than that, I'm very likely to forget greeting people who are recurring characters in my life. My mom occasionally reminds me it would be nice if I said hello when I write her or call, but she isn't giving me a particularly hard time about it.

But for some reason, I can't stand not saying or not receiving a good bye/good night.

 

[Ambi]

I’m wondering if anyone else is bothered or annoyed by this or if I’m just weird in this regard, but I don’t see the point in saying good morning to the same people day after day.

I’m not talking about a stranger I’ve seen on the street and end up saying “Morning” to. I’m not even talking about co-workers that require a morning greeting as some sort of status check.

No, I’m talking about the people I live with. The people I see every single day and who want me to give a greeting as soon as I see them.

When I was a kid, I had to say good morning to my family or they would get offended that I hadn’t greeted them. I couldn’t get up each day and when I saw a family member, just start a talking to them. No! I had to say some sort of morning greeting first.

This always bothered me but I didn’t understand why it bugged me so much. This still happens now even though I live with other people. There’s still this unspoken rule of the “good morning ritual.”

I just don’t see the point in it. They already know that I live here and that they will see me, so why do I have to say some sort of good morning every day?

I prefer to skip the hollow nicety and start talking about whatever’s important for that day. And the same applies with “hi” or “hello,” although I’m less bothered when giving these greetings. I still don’t see why I have to say it every day to these same people.

I can understand that most require or want an acknowledgement first before diving into conversation. But I would expect this with people I’ve newly met. Or people in the workplace where there’s a more formal setting and they expect a social acknowledgement. But folks I already know and see every day in a casual setting, I just don’t get it.

I mean, does everyone automatically do the good morning thing without thinking? Is this a natural response people have? Or am I making too much of this? Should I just spit out greetings like a robot?

I didn't even realize how socially detrimental it was that I didn't greet my co-workers. I honestly just wanted to keep to myself, and figured people would know me as that person who just keeps to herself. Yeah - I only found out when I heard people mentioning how "rude" someone else was for not saying "hello" in the morning. In the morning, I just wanted to get to my desk and get the day over and done! Now I do think saying good morning is their way of offering respect and acknowledgement of the other person's presence. It's so normal in some cultures that if someone doesn't do it, then that breaking away from the norm can seem to signify the opposite - rudeness at worst, or awkwardness at best. Just my two cents.

 

[JamesBon92007]

I’m wondering if anyone else is bothered or annoyed by this or if I’m just weird in this regard, but I don’t see the point in saying good morning to the same people day after day.

I’m not talking about a stranger I’ve seen on the street and end up saying “Morning” to. I’m not even talking about co-workers that require a morning greeting as some sort of status check.

No, I’m talking about the people I live with. The people I see every single day and who want me to give a greeting as soon as I see them.

I agree. I never say "good morning" to my girlfriend. I will say it to a neighbor while I'm fetching her newspaper. It's more of an acknowledgment of their existence than anything else, at least coming from me.
When I'm in Mexico I'll say "buenos dias" to just about anyone who makes eye contact but what I really mean is something like: "hey, I'm not just another gringo jerk, I really like your country and all of you nice people and I appreciate it that you welcome me and make me feel comfortable."

"Buenos tardes" means "damn you guys really have some great food here."

 

[Katleya]

And "Otra cerveza, por favor" means you are enjoying that evening in Mexico, and plan to keep doing so

I hadn't realized it could be detrimental either. I just never thought about it, I guess.
On a side note, I do smile to people as a greeting. A lot. Perhaps even too much to seem honest. They must be so confused to have this person smiling at them, yet not looking into their eyes.

 

[JoyChaos]

same with how are you. i hate it cuz its a dumb question considering they dont wanna hear about how i am. so i usually answer with good and walk away

 

[Katleya]

Ughhh, I had this customer-facing job where the standard greeting was "Good morning, how are you today?". To which people would reply by throwing their passport to my face or muttering the name of the city they were flying to. Well, not like I cared anyways, but a little respect gets you a long way (or an exit row seat, back in those days).

It is a dumb question, yep.

 

[Bolletje]

At my old job I would just kick open the door and yell 'SUP BITCHES!' whenever I entered, which I found a lot more enjoyable than wishing everyone a good morning. Regrettably, this isn't suitable for all workplaces

 

[Katleya]

At my old job I would just kick open the door and yell 'SUP BITCHES!' whenever I entered, which I found a lot more enjoyable than wishing everyone a good morning. Regrettably, this isn't suitable for all workplaces

Now, THAT'S what I'm talkin' about!
Workplaces where you can be weird are cool like that.

 

[Momo]

I don't say good morning, I simply grunt. A far more eloquent greeting if you ask me.

 

[Tyrantus1212]

Wow, I have the exact same feelings about "good morning", I get annoyed whenever I hear people say that - but that's probably because I hate everything about mornings. I myself don't say "good morning", I just mumble "mornin" out of politeness whenever I greet my coworkers. Same goes with responding to the greetings; same thing here, I just say "mornin" or "hey". I'm frankly not finding anything "good" about mornings, I just want them to be over and done with.

 

[tw3]

I used to commute from Staten Island to lower Manhattan on the ferry. The locals greeted each other with the phrase, "eh unh." It was the universal and mandatory greeting. If someone didn't respond, he would hear, "hey Vinnie, what's a matter wid you? you deaf or something."
(Dr Temperance Brennan, on Bones, once did a routine on the Guido tribe at the Jersey shore.)
That greeting was used the same way people use "good morning." It's a verbal acknowledgment of the other person's presence and is an indication of respect. It's often used to get the other person's attention to create an opening for conversation.
The important factor is not the content of the phrase or sentence itself. It is saying something to the other person that matters.

 

[Alaska]

I’m wondering if anyone else is bothered or annoyed by this or if I’m just weird in this regard, but I don’t see the point in saying good morning to the same people day after day.

I’m not talking about a stranger I’ve seen on the street and end up saying “Morning” to. I’m not even talking about co-workers that require a morning greeting as some sort of status check.

No, I’m talking about the people I live with. The people I see every single day and who want me to give a greeting as soon as I see them.

When I was a kid, I had to say good morning to my family or they would get offended that I hadn’t greeted them. I couldn’t get up each day and when I saw a family member, just start a talking to them. No! I had to say some sort of morning greeting first.

This always bothered me but I didn’t understand why it bugged me so much. This still happens now even though I live with other people. There’s still this unspoken rule of the “good morning ritual.”

I just don’t see the point in it. They already know that I live here and that they will see me, so why do I have to say some sort of good morning every day?

I prefer to skip the hollow nicety and start talking about whatever’s important for that day. And the same applies with “hi” or “hello,” although I’m less bothered when giving these greetings. I still don’t see why I have to say it every day to these same people.

I can understand that most require or want an acknowledgement first before diving into conversation. But I would expect this with people I’ve newly met. Or people in the workplace where there’s a more formal setting and they expect a social acknowledgement. But folks I already know and see every day in a casual setting, I just don’t get it.

I mean, does everyone automatically do the good morning thing without thinking? Is this a natural response people have? Or am I making too much of this? Should I just spit out greetings like a robot?

Relationships require maintenance to keep them running, the same way you have to do maintenance to keep a vehicle running.

We know that our car will not get us far if we neglect to put oil, gas, water, brake fluid, and air in the tires. The same is true for a relationship that you want to keep running.

It is not always as easy to tell what we need to put into a relationship to keep it running. For us Aspies and Auties the stuff we need to put into a relationship is even more mysterious than it seems to be between NTs. I have often wished it was as simple as reading the car manual and putting a post-it-note on the visor or dashboard when to change the oil, but nope.

My ex did not have any appreciation or respect for the handmade gifts I was used to giving to a chosen few. He wanted stuff that came off an assembly line. It took a while for me to understand that. It took him even longer to get it that the assembly line stuff left me cold.

It reminded me of a dog I had at the time. She delighted in digging up dead stuff and bringing it to me. She was trying to express her love for me by bringing me her best stinky dead stuff and was completely mystified at my lack of appreciation.

My ex and I were doing the same thing my dog was. We were bringing the stuff we liked to each other and it was not working out much better than the dog's approach.

You have to figure out what the other person in your relationship needs. Bringing your best dead stinky stuff does not necessarily work for the other person.

I like this song about what a wonderful world it is. Part of the words are people saying, "How do you do?" And meaning, " I love you." We Aspies and Auties need to stop acting like Vulcans if we want to do the maintenence that is required to keep important relationships going.

Sometimes we can simply ask an important NT what they need, as far as types of gifts go, or what we need to say to say to them for maintenence of the relationship. Other times we need to take some time out to read up on it, or worse yet, pay attention and figure it out.

 

[Lady Penelope]

Ugh ... this irritates me too.
I hate the "did you sleep well?" question too.

Having to say "good morning" when arriving at the office was exhausting... and they expected this EVERY DAY.
Then you had to continually greet people whenever you passed them, like a 'hey', or how's it going?' that could be downgraded to a smile, then to a nod, to finally I can go home to agonise about starting the bloody insane ritual over again the next day.

However, I have absolutely no problem asking my puppy how she is each time I see her.

 

[Adora]

I don't usually say good morning since I'm definitely not a morning person and it takes my brain at least two hours to wake up after officially getting out of bed.

 

[Alaska]

I don't usually say good morning since I'm definitely not a morning person and it takes my brain at least two hours to wake up after officially getting out of bed.

I worked out a compromise with a few significant NTs that I would just say, "Morning", instead of calling it a, "Good morning". That way I could keep them happy with a greeting that did not require me to figure out if it was good or not, before I was ready.