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What's the longest you've had
- Thread starter Annayoung
- Start date
AsheSkyler
Feathered Jester
Aye, there be hope. =)
I inherited a few kids from my parents' old social circle. We grew up together and keep loose touch. I've made a few other friends on my own, like one travelling biker that stopped at the store I was working at during the time. Got to chatting, hit it off, and for a while he'd call me whenever he was out roaming and got lost. Sometimes he'll message me on Facebook to let me know how college is going for him.
I inherited a few kids from my parents' old social circle. We grew up together and keep loose touch. I've made a few other friends on my own, like one travelling biker that stopped at the store I was working at during the time. Got to chatting, hit it off, and for a while he'd call me whenever he was out roaming and got lost. Sometimes he'll message me on Facebook to let me know how college is going for him.
I did maintain contact with my oldest friend, from age 11 till about age 45. But have lost contact since. His brother whom I knew well also was diagnosed late in life with Aspergers and had two sons with it. My friend was much like me and I assume now likely also HFA.
Possibly related, I was on a NT fan forum for a few years. I clashed with many there and left maintaining only one friendship. After I left and we were talking it turned out we both were Aspie.
So I see a pattern, in my life at least. Birds of a feather sort of thing. But there are variables that come into play. A shared special interest can be a foundation of a long lasting friendship with an NT, and I had several multi-year ones based on that. Having to move great distances regularly was a negative friendship factor, but not due to autism. But if the friendship is mostly cerebral then being on the same wavelength seems the key factor.
Possibly related, I was on a NT fan forum for a few years. I clashed with many there and left maintaining only one friendship. After I left and we were talking it turned out we both were Aspie.
So I see a pattern, in my life at least. Birds of a feather sort of thing. But there are variables that come into play. A shared special interest can be a foundation of a long lasting friendship with an NT, and I had several multi-year ones based on that. Having to move great distances regularly was a negative friendship factor, but not due to autism. But if the friendship is mostly cerebral then being on the same wavelength seems the key factor.
The longest I had friends for has usually been about a year; sometimes they have lasted longer but sooner or later something wrecks it. I have a friend on FB that I haven't seen in person for nearly twelve years. I often wonder if I were to move back to the state I knew her in, would she still want to hang out?
Aspergirl4hire
Mage, Sage, Revolutionary
Kouryuu
Well-Known Member
7 years, still currently friends, we see each other at most once a month but usually go a few months at a time. This is why its lasted so long. We occasionally text too.
I cant have long friendships unless I can have many breaks. school drove me crazy with friends wanting to meet up every night.
I cant have long friendships unless I can have many breaks. school drove me crazy with friends wanting to meet up every night.
Hmm, longest I've had a friend was during childhood for a few months at a time. During adult years (decades) I have had a few acquaintances who talked to me sometimes, but never longer than a few months.
Is there hope for an aspie to have a normal social life....I think it depends on one's personality - introversion or extroversion and definition of normal social life.
When you say are you being treated, you're asking if I am in therapy: yes, for now.
Is there hope for an aspie to have a normal social life....I think it depends on one's personality - introversion or extroversion and definition of normal social life.
When you say are you being treated, you're asking if I am in therapy: yes, for now.
royinpink
Well-Known Member
from age 11 until now, so...16 years. But now we are in different countries and don't always have time to talk. I don't really doubt our friendship, though.
There is hope, yes. It really depends on the kind of people you're around and how you learn to adapt to them. It's not all on you. Some people just suck. I dunno what you mean by 'normal' social life...if you have a close friend or two that help you relate to a larger social circle and get invited to stuff, you can have a pretty normal social life. But managing everyone in that social circle will probably be too much for you and not your priority anyway.
Yeah. 'treated'...
I have a handful of people that are friendly towards me in my life for the last several years, but I always keep them at a distance as I have lost very close friends, one way or another, too many times in my life and it hurts BAD, emotional wounds that never heal. I feel like I isolate myself from people and social events more and more as time goes on. I feel a crushing longing in my chest to have people in my life who understand intuitively the way I see the world and vise versa, instead of a few people who try and have maybe read a few books on aspergers and treat me with a sort of sympathetic interest.
I know I have some bad habits that are designed to keep people at arms length, but after seeing the multitude of intelligent, caring, funny and interesting people here on this site I feel like I am finally ready to let people close to the real me. I hope to make some lasting and close friendships with some of the people here and look forward to getting to know you all better too.
I know I have some bad habits that are designed to keep people at arms length, but after seeing the multitude of intelligent, caring, funny and interesting people here on this site I feel like I am finally ready to let people close to the real me. I hope to make some lasting and close friendships with some of the people here and look forward to getting to know you all better too.
This is quite similar to how I feel. You're a really good writer qwerty.I have a handful of people that are friendly towards me in my life for the last several years, but I always keep them at a distance as I have lost very close friends, one way or another, too many times in my life and it hurts BAD, emotional wounds that never heal. I feel like I isolate myself from people and social events more and more as time goes on. I feel a crushing longing in my chest to have people in my life who understand intuitively the way I see the world and vise versa, instead of a few people who try and have maybe read a few books on aspergers and treat me with a sort of sympathetic interest.
I know I have some bad habits that are designed to keep people at arms length, but after seeing the multitude of intelligent, caring, funny and interesting people here on this site I feel like I am finally ready to let people close to the real me. I hope to make some lasting and close friendships with some of the people here and look forward to getting to know you all better too.
For me it's like I visualize being one of the trees in my avatar pic, and I hope communicating with some of you forms a sort of grove, copse, or forest.
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Interesting thread. My young daughters ask me, periodically, who was my best friend growing up. I don't have an answer. I didn't have many close friends, ever. I never lived in the same place longer than four years, and often it was less.
I talk to a friend from high school, once a year or less, and see him maybe every three years.
At 34 years old, I have no real world friends, just a plethora of acquaintances.
On this site there are several I consider Friends, those that I communicate with, chat, share emotional support, and have things in common with.
AspiesCentral IS my social media, you folks are my Friends, and that is enough for this introvert.
Love you guys and gals!!!
I talk to a friend from high school, once a year or less, and see him maybe every three years.
At 34 years old, I have no real world friends, just a plethora of acquaintances.
On this site there are several I consider Friends, those that I communicate with, chat, share emotional support, and have things in common with.
AspiesCentral IS my social media, you folks are my Friends, and that is enough for this introvert.
Love you guys and gals!!!
Growing up in a military family I never had the luxury of making long-time friends whether it was possible or not. Dad would get a new assignment, and that was that. Small wonder as an adult I just went with the flow. Lots of acquaintances, but no adults that I thought would ever honestly "have my back".
Reminds me that recently my NT brother talked about this dynamic growing up. His response: "I simply gave up trying."
On the Inside
Well-Known Member
I have had several long friendships, begun in junior and senior high, all of which revolved around my interests. I guess I was sociable enough that they wanted to hang around other times as well, and we were all friends well into our 20's and 30's. Even I know I was more fun to be around when I was younger. So, to answer the OP question, 20 years or so.
That has changed in the last 10 years or so, and my friends have all gone off in different directions, while I seemed to stall out. That lead to me finding out what was the deal with me and my inability to progress. After I was diagnosed, I tried to re-establish with a few people from my early adult years that I missed having around, I felt that they would be accepting and supportive, which they were, but they brought in a lot of unneeded drama. I should have seen that coming.
I currently have a few friendly acquaintances, but no one I would call a friend. Like Qwerty, I seem to have a lot of strategies and tactics that keep people at a distance, but I really, strongly desire some close friends that I can rely on to spend time with.
I'm excited and a little scared, though, because in a couple of weeks I'll be getting together with my old school friends, most of whom I haven't seen in 10-15 years. We used to be fairly competitive with each other, (we used to bike race together), so not sure what the dynamic will be now that we're all getting on in age and have better, more important things to do with our lives.
That has changed in the last 10 years or so, and my friends have all gone off in different directions, while I seemed to stall out. That lead to me finding out what was the deal with me and my inability to progress. After I was diagnosed, I tried to re-establish with a few people from my early adult years that I missed having around, I felt that they would be accepting and supportive, which they were, but they brought in a lot of unneeded drama. I should have seen that coming.
I currently have a few friendly acquaintances, but no one I would call a friend. Like Qwerty, I seem to have a lot of strategies and tactics that keep people at a distance, but I really, strongly desire some close friends that I can rely on to spend time with.
I'm excited and a little scared, though, because in a couple of weeks I'll be getting together with my old school friends, most of whom I haven't seen in 10-15 years. We used to be fairly competitive with each other, (we used to bike race together), so not sure what the dynamic will be now that we're all getting on in age and have better, more important things to do with our lives.
Ovrthkr817
Well-Known Member
My best and only friend at the moment is my sister. We are three years apart and we only became friends when Ifinished high school. Other than her, I have had a series of friends that I was close to. Usually one right after the other, each lasting at least 3 years. These past 3 years however, my sister has been my only friend.
Jambo_nick
Well-Known Member
There's only 3-4 I'd class as really close friends and known most of them for well over a decade. The other about a year now.
umbrellabeach
Well-Known Member
I'm Facebook friends with a few people I knew when I was a kid; does that count?
Otherwise I'd say 10 years - in fact, 10 years this month - talking about the best friend I had in MN. We met in late October 2005 when my family and I flew out there to check it out. We don't talk much anymore since all the church drama happened and my family had to move away, but last year we started following each other on Pinterest and even exchanged a few e-mails. I consider her to still be my friend.
Otherwise I'd say 10 years - in fact, 10 years this month - talking about the best friend I had in MN. We met in late October 2005 when my family and I flew out there to check it out. We don't talk much anymore since all the church drama happened and my family had to move away, but last year we started following each other on Pinterest and even exchanged a few e-mails. I consider her to still be my friend.
Laughingowl1975
Well-Known Member
Most of my friendships lasted about 2 or 3 years before I simply lost contact with them or the social rules at high school prevented me from associating with them as they were much younger than me. The longest is 21 years (since kindergarten) but it was on and off for the last few years and by the end of high school we were becoming less and less friends mainly because he didn't share my interests, my increasing introverted behaviour irked him and he also felt I was a bit immature for him, I haven't seen him for a while.
The friends I made often had problems or quirks of their own E.G unhappy homelife, social misfit, brighter than average and dyslexia.
The friends I made often had problems or quirks of their own E.G unhappy homelife, social misfit, brighter than average and dyslexia.
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