What you think of this situation.

[NB79]

So, what would you do or think if in the situation, you are very focused nervous, tense etc doing something, and someone enters your room, you tell them to get out,
they start talking about trivial stuff, you tell them to get out more loud, and they still don't go, they keep bringing up this nagging, then you stand up, and get angry and yell at them, and they still don't get out of your room, is like total disregard of what i am saying like the worst of the cassandra effect that they don't listen to you at all, even when you get super angry. It hurts me inside as a person.
The person got out of the room when they became scared of my angry yelling only.

 

[All-Rounder]

My narcissistic mom does this, and she keeps acting the same next time and next time like it's never happened before and like I haven't talked to her 1000x

Problem person I would try to avoid as much as possible because talking brings a lot of negativity and doesn't help, they will redirect their insecurities and rage towards you and cannot admit fault.

Best gift I ever got was a lock on my door that I never leave opened.

 

[Kitsuna]

So, what would you do or think if in the situation, you are very focused nervous, tense etc doing something, and someone enters your room, you tell them to get out,
they start talking about trivial stuff, you tell them to get out more loud, and they still don't go, they keep bringing up this nagging, then you stand up, and get angry and yell at them, and they still don't get out of your room, is like total disregard of what i am saying like the worst of the cassandra effect that they don't listen to you at all, even when you get super angry. It hurts me inside as a person.
The person got out of the room when they became scared of my angry yelling only.

Yelling was not the right way to handle it. It plausibly played a role in the other person not listening to you, because it could’ve made them them defensive, made them think you were ignorable because you didn’t have a cool head, or both.

Learn how to respond, not react, to behavior the person displayed.

I’m telling you this as a person who is very used to dealing with similar behavior (if this scenario is a pattern; if it’s a one off thing, then I retract this). My second to last sentence is much easier said than done if you’re used to yelling at them, but being level headed is far more effective in dealing with them. It’s essentially a form of self care, too, because it creates mental peace.

One simple piece of possibly relevant advice I’ve received is imagining yourself in a circle and the person on the outside, not able to get to you.

I also think yelling until someone is afraid of you is a habit you should nip in the bud because it’s pretty much only acceptable if they’re a physical threat, or something very similar, to you. Otherwise, it seems abusive on your part.

 

[Misty Avich]

What I think of it is, if an Aspie done what the (presumably) NT done then it's the Aspies fault and if the NT done what the Aspie done then it's still the Aspie's fault.

 

[Hypnalis]

@NB79

Obviously impolite behavior.

It's not clear what really happened though. A normal NT will react (by leaving) after they're told clearly and politely that they should leave.

If it's not a normal person, or it's not a normal situation, otherwise useful advice may not apply.
e.g. what if you're being told that the building is burning down?

FWIW: in the general case, when an NT "peer" does that, you say something (facing them, in a normal voice) like:
"I'm working on something (<optional> and I need to concentrate), so I have to be alone. We need to discusses this some other time."
If they don't react promptly,:
"I meant you should leave now." (Don't add "please" or anything else that stops it being imperative - this one isn't a request.)

If they don't react then, they are the problem, and extraordinary measures will be needed.
But what? The choice will depend on the exact circumstances.

No shouting though. Nor threats.

 

[Misty Avich]

I thought shouting was allowed if someone is feeling angry. I've had to put up with shouting and swearing from my colleague all week at work just because he's under a lot of stress at the moment and I'm terrified of getting in his firing line. But whenever I told anyone about it they just say he's stressed, basically implying that he's allowed to shout, swear, throw tools and chairs across the room (literally), and make others feel uncomfortable. But if that were ME behaving like that at work because I was stressed, people would probably tell me it's inappropriate.

 

[Hypnalis]

@Misty Avich

People shout when they lose control of their emotions, or as a threat display. That doesn't mean it's a good idea. And it's never polite.
(There are also people (mostly Dark Triad) who fake it (it can even be "pseudo-genuine" via induced rage))

There's grey zone of course: e.g. someone who stubs their toe is allowed a pass for a few moments. And low-intensity outbursts are allowed in some places (the thresholds for this are cultural, so there's no simple rule).

If you're sure he's out of line, you can probably deal with it. But as with the cultural variation, different individuals are more or less sensitive to outbursts. If you're the only person who's actually concerned, it's complicated.

That said, if you want some ideas on how to (politely) induce him to lower the intensity of the outbursts, just ask.
But it may well annoy him, so consider the possible downsides.

 

[NB79]

Yelling was not the right way to handle it. It plausibly played a role in the other person not listening to you, because it could’ve made them them defensive, made them think you were ignorable because you didn’t have a cool head, or both.

Learn how to respond, not react, to behavior the person displayed.

I’m telling you this as a person who is very used to dealing with similar behavior (if this scenario is a pattern; if it’s a one off thing, then I retract this). My second to last sentence is much easier said than done if you’re used to yelling at them, but being level headed is far more effective in dealing with them. It’s essentially a form of self care, too, because it creates mental peace.

One simple piece of possibly relevant advice I’ve received is imagining yourself in a circle and the person on the outside, not able to get to you.

I also think yelling until someone is afraid of you is a habit you should nip in the bud because it’s pretty much only acceptable if they’re a physical threat, or something very similar, to you. Otherwise, it seems abusive on your part.

This usually doesn't happen, what happens is even if i talk calmly etc, this person doesn't seem to listen sometimes what i have to say, i care about this person, i want to get along.

 

[NB79]

@Misty Avich

People shout when they lose control of their emotions, or as a threat display. That doesn't mean it's a good idea. And it's never polite.
(There are also people (mostly Dark Triad) who fake it (it can even be "pseudo-genuine" via induced rage))

There's grey zone of course: e.g. someone who stubs their toe is allowed a pass for a few moments. And low-intensity outbursts are allowed in some places (the thresholds for this are cultural, so there's no simple rule).

If you're sure he's out of line, you can probably deal with it. But as with the cultural variation, different individuals are more or less sensitive to outbursts. If you're the only person who's actually concerned, it's complicated.

That said, if you want some ideas on how to (politely) induce him to lower the intensity of the outbursts, just ask.
But it may well annoy him, so consider the possible downsides.

I don't lose control of myself when i get mad, still i think is bad for you to hold and swallow anger.
And i already swallow a lot of emotions already because i can't express myself like NT

 

[Au Naturel]

Maybe they want something from you, and you are supposed to figure it out, but you aren't "getting" it. They clearly want your attention. Have you tried stopping what you are doing and listening long enough to give an answer? Take a few deep breaths and move on. It cannot be more disruptive to your process than getting angry and yelling.

I used to get a lot of that type of behavior from my children. I also still get it from my wife, even though we've been married for 36 years.

Just telling people to get out doesn't work because they are so focused on what they want, what you want doesn't get through.

The worst case is that they are doing it just to annoy you. Yelling at them tells them they have succeeded. The only way to tell is from how they relate to you otherwise.

A privacy lock on the door and/or a "Do not disturb" sign may be a fix, but you really need to discuss this, or they may not take your measures seriously. Work on NOT getting angry and view it as a problem that needs to be solved. What I am doing is important to me. Unless it is a genuine emergency, please wait.

I have never worked anywhere where the management and co-workers had the slightest compunction about jumping into something with me - even though I was obviously busy with something else. Not getting angry at interruptions is a useful skill.

 

[Aspychata]

I often use the statement of "what part of NO do you not get?" Leave the room, what part of that is unclear, so you are forcing them to respond.

 

[Au Naturel]

I often use the statement of "what part of NO do you not get?" Leave me room, what part of that is unclear, so you are forcing them to respond.

Some people assume that what they are asking for is trivial. You ought to spare a minute as a courtesy. If you valued them even a little bit, you'd stop what you were doing and cheerfully deal with whatever nonsense they were up to. They think of you as playing your part in the "social c.ontract." Depending on your status in their eyes, they may not appreciate you returning the favor.

 

[Tom]

Who is this person? A family member, friend, partner, co-worker, etc? Where is the space? Home or work?

 

[Rodafina]

I also wonder what the relationship with this person is.

I think it may be worth it to try to have a conversation about this at a calm time in a neutral space. Since this has already happened, it could be worth it to talk about with this person - "When you would not leave my room when I asked you to, it made me feel really uncomfortable and I'd like a way to be able to ask for space when I need it." Something kind of like that. Set some boundaries, but not in the heat of the moment when the other person has confusing intentions and you are feeling exasperated and angry.

 

[NB79]

I also wonder what the relationship with this person is.

I think it may be worth it to try to have a conversation about this at a calm time in a neutral space. Since this has already happened, it could be worth it to talk about with this person - "When you would not leave my room when I asked you to, it made me feel really uncomfortable and I'd like a way to be able to ask for space when I need it." Something kind of like that. Set some boundaries, but not in the heat of the moment when the other person has confusing intentions and you are feeling exasperated and angry.

I prefer to not disclose too much stuff on a forum for everyone to see.

 

[Tom]

I prefer to not disclose too much stuff on a forum for everyone to see.

Then with the limited info, I would say it sounds like overreacting and acting like a child throwing a tantrum.

 

[Suzanne]

I am unable to judge, because my husband would say: that is my wife!

He is out all day and I am brimming over with conversation, but he sits at his computer with headphones on and I am afraid that I am so happy to talk that I walk in talking and get the annoying look and yep, I keep talking sometimes and he gets even more annoyed. I am getting better and do try to pause, so he can pause the program.

So, I can see it from both sides.

 

[Hypnalis]

@Misty Avich

I just re-read my post, and I think this may have been ambiguous:

That said, if you want some ideas on how to (politely) induce him to lower the intensity of the outbursts, just ask.
But it may well annoy him, so consider the possible downsides.

I mean "Just ask me for advice", not just ask the noisy guy to be quieter. Ultimately that's what you should do OFC, but there are better and worse ways of doing it.

I don't have a huge amount of experience with things like this, because I'm neither aggressive nor noisy. But it happens, and I've resisted every single time it's happened to me for decades. So that's a lot more practice than a "doormat", but nowhere near as much as an aggressive "Dark Triad" member

 

[NB79]

Then with the limited info, I would say it sounds like overreacting and acting like a child throwing a tantrum.

Definetely not a tantrum, i was really angry, because this person does this all the time, and i was really wanting to be left alone, this usually doesn't happen is not like i get angry all the time.

 

[Hypnalis]

I don't lose control of myself when i get mad, still i think is bad for you to hold and swallow anger.
And i already swallow a lot of emotions already because i can't express myself like NT

For the record, my post was for Misty Avich, and the "why do people get angry" part was about the person whose outbursts she dislikes.
i.e. it wasn't about you or Misty

I said this for you though, about cases where normal methods haven't achieved results:

If they don't react then, they are the problem, and extraordinary measures will be needed.
But what? The choice will depend on the exact circumstances.

No shouting though. Nor threats

In your case it's just a technical issue. Generally you should wait two "beats", then raise the other person's temperature. Ideally, but impossibly, you'd like to do this with zero adrenaline in your system, so sooner is better.