What traits would you put you off dating someone

[Jeff T]

No sense of humour. Disliking animals. Conspiracist.
Negativity is fine, as long as it is balanced by equal positivity.

 

[Rachie]

I am not going to answer this personally as it is not something I am thinking about. However, just scrolling through some replies and some answers it is like ruling out people who may experience mental health issue and are neurodiverse which I find a bit interesting, Some of the traits listed as not wanted are not uncommon with people with these conditions.

 

[FayetheAspie]

Cruelty to humans or animals
Dishonesty
Manipulation
Gaslighting
Infidelity
A hot temper
Being a hunter
Having tattoos
Having piercings or similar
Listening to types of music that bother my nerves
Poor hygiene
Having a bitter angry attitude
Watching sports
Having huge unnatural looking muscles
Not having enough special interests that match mine

There are others that I have not listed I'm sure.

@Rachie Do you see my list as excluding neurodivergent dates? I thought that someone would almost have to be autistic to fit the criteria.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

Okay you can kind of cross resting face off for now. I prayed with a women from church I meet at a church I decided to stay long story I will post later in the religion section. She was nice so I over judged. I only approach because there were two other guys there and it just happened.

 

[Rachie]

@Rachie Do you see my list as excluding neurodivergent dates? I thought that someone would almost have to be autistic to fit the criteria.

I looked at your original list and the only one that struck out was hygiene. Mental illness and autism can affect peoples hygiene. They may have to cater to this in different ways and with some mental conditions hygiene may be neglected. I wasn't really referring to your list, but just to be truthful.

 

[FayetheAspie]

I looked at your original list and the only one that struck out was hygiene. Mental illness and autism can affect peoples hygiene. They may have to cater to this in different ways and with some mental conditions hygiene may be neglected. I wasn't really referring to your list, but just to be truthful.

In my case, my condition makes me wash too often if anything.

 

[Judge]

In my case, my condition makes me wash too often if anything.

Sadly such considerations indeed go both ways. Reminding me of girlfriends who may not have understood OCD in general, apart from opting not to tell them.

Being meticulous, fastidious and precise about so many things can annoy people. Especially if an when you live with them.

Something I learned firsthand. Prompting me not to itemize what I don't like about others, but rather try to determine what it is that impacted my closest relationships.

But then there's another thing I learned in the process. How that it can sometimes take a great deal of time in learning what irks you about another and whether it can be tolerated over time. In some cases probably far longer than what one might learn through a few months of mere dating.

 

[Forest Cat]

What would put me off dating someone I think that as long as the person isn't very mean, isn't cruel to animals for fun, doesn't lie to me all the time and isn't terribly difficult to be around, I'm ok with most things. Things like weight and smoking and political opinions and so on, that's not super important for me. I think it's fun when people are different from myself. Makes things interesting.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

Body oder does not bother me much in a women as I was told by fake friends I had some even though I showed everyday with clean clothes and wear deodorant but smoking vaping is a turn off and a good bye to anyone.

 

[Judge]

What would put me off dating someone I think that as long as the person isn't very mean, isn't cruel to animals for fun, doesn't lie to me all the time and isn't terribly difficult to be around, I'm ok with most things. Things like weight and smoking and political opinions and so on, that's not super important for me. I think it's fun when people are different from myself. Makes things interesting.

I still marvel at how with the long term relationships I had with NT women, that politics hardly ever came up if at all. Being in love put me in "a different place" in that respect. Go figure.

But smoking? Not negotiable pathologically. That puts me in a flight or fight mode. All that said I still managed to get into complex relationships over concerns that a lot of people would likely have walked away from at the outset if they could perceive them on a deeper level.

Maybe I actually had the same mentality about relationships that I had about careers. To stick with them far longer than I should have. But then I'd be a liar not to have occasionally considered the possibility of "beggars can't be choosers". There- I said it.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

A simple female to spend time with that's not in a relationship or a man is all I seek but that's impossible for me and I am crucified even here for even mentioned it.

 

[Steelbookcollector217]

no intimacy, yes, i will admit, the last person i was with, felt like we were more best friends instead of BF/GF, but guilty as charged, i stayed in that relationship longer than i should have because i was reluctant to break up with her for a while because i didn't want to become alone again, and don't want to have to go through the dating process all over again, which i'm sure all of you know already, i'm a broken record on what i have always expressed my resentment towards.

I know i'm not the first and won't be the last, and that is, lots of people worldwide, throughout history, they will stay in a toxic or unsatisying relationship just to avoid being alone again, their mentality is "its better to be in a bad relationship than not be in any relationship at all".

 

[FayetheAspie]

Cruelty to humans or animals
Dishonesty
Manipulation
Gaslighting
Infidelity
A hot temper
Being a hunter
Having tattoos
Having piercings or similar
Listening to types of music that bother my nerves
Poor hygiene
Having a bitter angry attitude
Watching sports
Having huge unnatural looking muscles
Not having enough special interests that match mine

There are others that I have not listed I'm sure.

In addition to all this, they would actually need to be equally enthusiastic about the same special interests that I have. He and I should be two of a kind or else there is no point in the relationship past just being acquaintances who are on friendly terms when we pass each other in the grocery store or what have you. Sadly, I have begun to think that he probably doesn't exist. Therefore I shall most likely always be single.

 

[Judge]

In addition to all this, they would actually need to be equally enthusiastic about the same special interests that I have. He and I should be two of a kind or else there is no point in the relationship past just being acquaintances who are on friendly terms when we pass each other in the grocery store or what have you. Sadly, I have begun to think that he probably doesn't exist. Therefore I shall most likely always be single.

Would you dismiss the possibility of mere chemistry from attracting you to someone? Where you may find you have little in common with them, but are still "smitten" by them? I did have one case where that did happen, and we ended up in a relationship in a short time. Someone in the same office we worked in, within close proximity to my work station.

I still find it bizarre to recall that with most of my few relationships, my girlfriends did not have a lot in common with my special interests. And even more so that they didn't really come up. As if we found "neutral ground" elsewhere on things we could share, but weren't necessarily passionate about. Though in all other cases, they were good friends to me first.

Life can be full of surprises I suppose. You never know what might transpire.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

What dating progress? I can't even get a single girl to hang with me platonic without everyone thinking I am a creep and loser even here.

 

[FayetheAspie]

Would you dismiss the possibility of mere chemistry from attracting you to someone? Where you may find you have little in common with them, but are still "smitten" by them? I did have one case where that did happen, and we ended up in a relationship in a short time. Someone in the same office we worked in, within close proximity to my work station.

I still find it bizarre to recall that with most of my few relationships, my girlfriends did not have a lot in common with my special interests. And even more so that they didn't really come up. As if we found "neutral ground" elsewhere on things we could share, but weren't necessarily passionate about. Though in all other cases, they were good friends to me first.

Life can be full of surprises I suppose. You never know what might transpire.

Yes, I would and do dismiss pheromone based attraction. Once intentionally ignored, such feelings tend to dissipate and go away.

 

[Judge]

Once intentionally ignored, such feelings tend to dissipate and go away.

I'd think much of anyone could choose to do that with any kind of relationship they have with another. The operative word being "intentionally".

One could have a great deal in common with another, yet still for whatever reason besides pheromones decide to intentionally degrade or destroy a relationship. Probably a dynamic that many divorced couples would acknowledge.

If one intentionally ignores another for any reason it's likely to harm any relationship.

 

[FayetheAspie]

True enough, and such relationships would be incapable of filling the primary purpose of the relationship (as per my own preferences) which is to have someone share my special interests with, therefore are best avoided.

 

[Judge]

True enough, and such relationships would be incapable of filling the primary purpose of the relationship (as per my own preferences) which is to have someone share my special interests with, therefore are best avoided.

Would you be terribly upset and disappointed if you met someone with identical interests and still found yourself intentionally ignoring them on a different level? I ask, as IMO that's the ultimate test of one's autism. Being able to simply coexist with another in close proximity and over time.

Which for many of us is likely to be much more difficult than we ever imagined. That the odds are against us in finding that one person we choose to coexist with them. Whether they match or interests or not. Pheromones or not.

Then again some of us are very stoic about this, and simply learn to accept such a reality. A conclusion I came to around the age of 49. I never truly lost a need for people altogether, but I accept the absence of any such meaningful relationships by my own preferences as well. I suppose we're on the same page in that regard.

Though I do know personally how difficult relationships really are, and how much compromise is required to make them work and to make them last. Quite a challenge.

 

[FayetheAspie]

If one intentionally ignores another for any reason it's likely to harm any relationship.

Perhaps I should clarify that I am not talking about ignoring someone while in a relationship with them. I am referring to simply never starting any kind of romantic relationship with them at all. Like they most likely never even suspect that you ever felt anything at all and if they ask you out you turn down the offer.