What Society Says About Being Alone

[RemyZee]

I don't really know about other cultures, but in the culture I grew up in (upper middle class US southerner) it is considered wrong or even deviant for people to like and pursue being alone and people are often judged by the company they keep or don't keep. There can be a mentality that something is off about you if you don't have many friendships, or if you aren't always surrounded by people in your orbit, including that you are expected to be very superficial....it was a very superficial culture I grew up in. As an undiagnosed autistic person this arrangement took a toll both physically and mentally. At its worst, I was told it was a sign of mental illness to not want to be around people all the time, sent to social training classes--when the truth is that's where my light comes on. Do you have experiences of people telling you there was something wrong with you for craving and enjoying solitude? Told you you just need to cultivate friends, that you are anti social or that you should be more pleasant in order for people to like you more? Does your culture support solitude? Do you like solitude?

 

[Judge]

LOL.

I don't have anyone in my social orbit to complain about my choice to live in near-isolation.

In a nutshell, solitude keeps me sane. My bad. So sue me!

Problem solved!

Though all kidding aside, yes I am acutely aware of how NT psychiatrists universally consider isolation to be fundamentally toxic to humans.

 

[Outdated]

Even in Australia preferring to be without company seems a little strange to most people, but then we also have a lot of extremely remote and difficult places to get to and the people that live in those places all tend to be loners.

To your average doctors and head shrinks I'd get diagnosed with depression and social anxiety and all sorts of ridiculous things, to the point that it's a waste of time seeing them unless there's something as obvious as a severed limb that they can see.

Fortunately there's a lot more autism awareness here now and if someone tries to tell me I suffer anxiety I can just laugh in their faces.

 

[gj13]

Humans are social beings. Doesn't matter which culture or country from my experience. Humans have evolved to collaborate and socialize.
If you do a search on these forums, you'll find a lot of posts on this subject. You are not alone in your preference for solitude.
I prefer solitude. I've always preferred it but in order to "fit in" I've had to adjust myself at a considerable negative impact to my health (due to all the masking and scripting and trying to keep up with the speed of neuro-typical conversations, etc). Now I am very selective about when, how and who I socialize with.
I find many neuro-typical people don't understand there is a difference between solitude and loneliness. Solitude is a choice whereas loneliness is not. Furthermore, I find NT's generally have a "if your not with them then you are against them" mentality. However, it doesn't mesh with me and who I am.
For autistics, solitude is necessary for us to regulate, recharge and let down our masks. I do everything solo and don't intend to change.
Don't let the noise of the NTs distract you. Do what makes you happy. There is no right or wrong way to win at life, only what's right and wrong for you.

 

[FayetheADHDsquirrel]

Would you all still prefer to be completely alone if you could spend time with someone who shared your most of your special interests?

 

[Jumpinbare]

Would you all still prefer to be completely alone if you could spend time with someone who shared your most of your special interests?

The friends I have made over time have been people who share one or more of my special interests. Even with them, a little interaction goes a long way.

I thrive on solitude. It's my resting/breathing/recharging space. For me, the ideal life would be a remote spot where only sufficiently motivated people would visit if they want for limited times, but I can have internet and Ham Radio access to remotely interact with people when I want.

 

[Aspychata]

l am so tired of people calling me out on living a simple life. l have been called a lesbian because l don't actively date men. My mom thought l was strange because l didn't actively seek social interaction as a teenager. l was content to work on art projects. My special interests can keep me busy for hours. l also let my daughter pursue her special interests as long as she liked with no time restrictions.