What I've learned has helped my son's marriage

[Pats]

Don't take that as being a boastful comment, it is not meant to be. My daughter in law told me the other day that it has helped their marriage as she has learned things from me. We talk about the difference in our thinking - autism vs neurotypical. She said that just understanding how they think so differently is helping her not take things as personally and to be more patient. Like when she asks my son a question and it takes him forever to respond - now she understands that he's not ignoring the question, he is thinking. Or sometimes, by his tone of voice she thinks he might be mad at her and now she realizes it's just the tone - she explained that he and I both are fairly monotone when we speak casually. (I didn't know that I was - I try to accent words and stuff, but apparently it's harder than I thought). Anyway, she gave many examples where it has helped her understanding of him and also that it has helped him realize ways he needs to make more effort. Where he never seen things he did as a problem before thinking she should be able to understand him and read him better, he now knows that she needs clarification sometimes and how his actions or comments could be misconstrued by her so he is less defensive when he needs to explain himself.

Anyway, I thought that was kind of cool.

 

[Mia]

Similar Pats, glad your back posting. Even though I'm an aspie myself, my aspie husband sometimes says things I don't quite get. As I grew up in the NT world. Often I need more clarification, the site and people's postings have helped me understand. And I'm less upset when he responds in certain very short sentences or really long ones. It's nice that you daughter in law told you that.

 

[Fino]

Welcome back! We missed you!

 

[Nervous Rex]

That is wonderful. Thank you for sharing that with us!

 

[Nervous Rex]

I don’t know that anyone else in my extended family has had their perspectives change, but mine sure have.

Once I was diagnosed and I began to understand that there were some truly significant differences between the way I function best and the way NTs function best, I felt free to give up on the expectation that I behave and function the same as everyone else. I didn’t feel like I had to work so hard to conform.

Once I gave myself permission to be different, I began to see differences everywhere. The other person doesn’t have to be autistic - there are plenty of other reasons to explain why someone might be a little different. All I have to say to myself is, “Autism is my thing. They have their own thing.” I think (and I sincerely hope I’m right) that this has helped me be more accepting of others.