What if I am not autistic...?

[IntoTheVoid]

Long story short - couple months ago I started to study about autism/aspergers because I didn't have any knowledge about this thing before, only shallow "Sheldon Cooper" info, but nothing else. After the deeper study I realized the autism is something kinda different than I thought before (I was convinced it's people who can't talk, who are obsessed with math and all these stereotypes).

Of course I realized I have autism very likely, because I see myself in many of these things and I realized, it's totally me. I started reading forums like this one and I undersand many people here.

In december I have an appointment with an expert to be diagnosed.

And suddenly it feels so... weird, like "What the hell am I doing?"

Suddenly I have doubts. Whenever I read about autism and find something different from me, I have lots of crazy doubts. I understand it's a spectrum, but still... When you hear "Autistic people can't read facial experssions, they don't understand irony, they can't this and that" I am like "Geez, I am capable of all of these things..."

Maybe I should cancel the appointment. Suddenly I feel totally normal (whatever that means). She will tell me "No sir, you're NOT autistic. You're totally common and healthy person. Now you can go home and forget it all!"

What would I do? I would be like: "Yeey, okay, I am totally okay! What was I thinking? I am so normal and yeey" and be happy with my life?

But in the same time, there are many things that are objectively-speaking very unusual about me and my life and autism explains it pretty well.

So my question is - did it happen some of you, that you were told "You not autistic, bye" ? Do you know someone who has this experience? What did you do next? How common is this? I am so... consued now

 

[Suzanne]

When I first read about aspergers, I read about a female with it and it was the first time I had ever come across the word: aspergers and most of what I read, resonated with my life; but there were things that I thought: ah, perhaps not.

After that, obsession started and I learned that rarely are females associated with aspergers. I was pretty much as you are now: somethings really shouted that I could have aspergers and others, not so.

I decided to see if there was a forum for aspergers and if so, I would find the answer there and that is when I discovered this site and felt such a fraud and expected someone to contact me and say I am not welcome and that did not happen.

I asked a few questions like: do you have to have a montoned voice? Do you have to have bland face? Etc and the more I learned, the more I felt sure I had it and this year, I was formally diagnosed with aspergers or asd as they refer to it.

In men, it is more easy to detect than in females.

 

[Sarah S]

First of all dont compare youre self to others as all this diffent Neuro psycholocal diagnosis are highly individual . + its also depending on gender men are as Suzanne says more clear in there tics then us females + we also show our tics difrently then men.

Then theres also said level to count in

And also the co morbid diagnosis to said mentioned ASD diagnose. And its also more or less the norm that if you have say ASD then you likely also have ADHD or utliest one more other diagnose.

My advice is try to learn as mush as you can about this and other Neuro Psychological diagnosis & also about the co morbid diagnosis and then go from there and above all REALX dear. And speaking for my self if you dont get diagnosed with any of this be thankfull as i dont wich any of this diagnosis to anyone.

Oh and like Suzanne i also felt very unsure despite my medically diagnosed multible diagnosis when i first came in here. And took pretty much every possible online tests for every diagnose i claim i have and im WAY above average on all them. and i also discovered that this forum is a very welkoming and suporting forum for people like us so dont worry about it

 

[Ken S.]

The thing about ASD is we all have different symptoms and different comorbidities. Best to write down all your concerns even ones you might not think related before getting a professional diagnosis. That way you are better prepared for the appointment.

 

[IntoTheVoid]

... felt such a fraud...

Ha! That's exactly the word that describes my feelings.

Anyway thanks for sharing your experience similar to mine. It seems to be more common maybe

And speaking for my self if you dont get diagnosed with any of this be thankfull as i dont wich any of this diagnosis to anyone.

I understand this one. However you probably understand what that also means. It means "You're on the beginning again. The only explanation why is your life such strange thing, why your relationship sucks, why you have so many unusual behaviours... all it's lost and now you don't know why are things like that."

Best to write down all your concerns even ones you might not think related before getting a professional diagnosis.

Oh, splendid idea!

 

[Sarah S]

I understand this one. However you probably understand what that also means. It means "You're on the beginning again. The only explanation why is your life such strange thing, why your relationship sucks, why you have so many unusual behaviours... all it's lost and now you don't know why are things like that."
!

Belive me i understand it took me close to 30 + years (when i got my ASD diagnose and a further 15 when i finaly began to read all my evaluations and read up on all my diagnosis . And like you i have searched for those missing pieces of my life puzzle most of my life and it was actually when coming in here i finaly got the last pieces and were finaly able to understand my ASD and all the gazilion other diagnosis i also have. And what i mean is for me all my diagnosis have done is destroyed pretty mush my entire life. I was doomed from i was born.

ALL im also saying is dont get hang up on you HAVE to have ASD you might & im not saying you have nor you dont but open up youre mind to possible other diagnosis and even like in my case multible diagnosis. + if you feel they are wrong demand a second evaluation.

lastly geting a diagnose isent going to soulve all youre problems nor will it fix them or youre life. What it can do is to give you and those around you a answers on why you have youre problems and of course possibly some help & you also have it on paper thats all .

 

[Trophonius]

HFA is such an heterogeneous group that I'm skeptical of me being autistic, and of HFA to represent anything concrete. The fact that diagnosis may vary among psychologist doesn't help either.

It's not unlikely that our skepticism is caused, in part, by the received popular image of HFA (wrongly but still called Asperger) push forward by Hollywood & Friends in flicks like Rain Man.

I've seen this recently. My mother has some friend whose daughter was diagnosed with autism, but according to her, their daughter doesn't have autism, they only say she's autistic because autism carries a higher social status. Upon asking her what is an autist, her answer was "a person who don't talk to people but his mind works very fast". This naïveté could be more common that we think.

 

[Canismajoris]

But in the same time, there are many things that are objectively-speaking very unusual about me and my life and autism explains it pretty well.

So my question is - did it happen some of you, that you were told "You not autistic, bye" ? Do you know someone who has this experience? What did you do next? How common is this? I am so... consued now

I was told by occupational doctor and therapist that there is no point to get diagnosed as I have been doing just too fine. The therapist did not deny the possibility of me being on spectrum but saw no point of getting diagnosed. So basically unless I use my own money for a few thousand euros it will remain mystery if I am or am not on autistic spectrum. Asperger is not anymore diagnosed here anyway.

 

[Fino]

Sounds like a good reason to have the assessment! Just give up the overthinking and leave to them.

 

[AMANDA DESIREE WILSON]

See the doctor. You may want to see a couple for different opinions. I have seen so many psychiatrists in my life and before I was finally diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome, I had been diagnosed as Schizophrenic, Manic Depressive, Bi-polar and even epileptic. You may not have autism and I hope you don't, but get help because if you don't you will be second guessing yourself for the rest of your life.

 

[Canismajoris]

I was finally diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome, I had been diagnosed as Schizophrenic, Manic Depressive, Bi-polar and even epileptic

Sounds like lottery... Wild world that is...

 

[Chrysanthemum]

Long story short - couple months ago I started to study about autism/aspergers because I didn't have any knowledge about this thing before, only shallow "Sheldon Cooper" info, but nothing else. After the deeper study I realized the autism is something kinda different than I thought before (I was convinced it's people who can't talk, who are obsessed with math and all these stereotypes).

Of course I realized I have autism very likely, because I see myself in many of these things and I realized, it's totally me. I started reading forums like this one and I undersand many people here.

In december I have an appointment with an expert to be diagnosed.

And suddenly it feels so... weird, like "What the hell am I doing?"

Suddenly I have doubts. Whenever I read about autism and find something different from me, I have lots of crazy doubts. I understand it's a spectrum, but still... When you hear "Autistic people can't read facial experssions, they don't understand irony, they can't this and that" I am like "Geez, I am capable of all of these things..."

Maybe I should cancel the appointment. Suddenly I feel totally normal (whatever that means). She will tell me "No sir, you're NOT autistic. You're totally common and healthy person. Now you can go home and forget it all!"

What would I do? I would be like: "Yeey, okay, I am totally okay! What was I thinking? I am so normal and yeey" and be happy with my life?

But in the same time, there are many things that are objectively-speaking very unusual about me and my life and autism explains it pretty well.

So my question is - did it happen some of you, that you were told "You not autistic, bye" ? Do you know someone who has this experience? What did you do next? How common is this? I am so... consued now

My parents, at different stages of my childhood, were told by different professionals both that I did not have autism at all and that I have autism.

I definitely was diagnosed as having language delay during early childhood though (in fact, I think I was diagnosed as having severe expressive language delay/pronunciation difficulties as a young child) though now as an adult I believe my language has improved a lot from that point (in fact, I feel that the understanding and use of language now may be one of my relative strengths). I understand that not all people diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder have had a language delay.

Honestly in the past I have wondered, "What if I am not autistic?" as well. I feel this is partly due to what I perceived as misunderstandings or misinterpretations during a diagnostic process. However, I would not say I have no social difficulties (for example, sometimes I feel unsure what is expected of me by another person) although I feel able to have conversations with other people and am happy to have conversations with other people though sometimes I feel that I may be misinterpreted by others or misinterpret others' actions.

I feel that a way of thinking about autism, or any condition or so-called 'disorder' is simply to think of it as difficulties or challenges with a particular things e.g. challenges with communication, social interaction, and/or sensory regulation et cetera or as a slightly different way of perceiving the world or other people's actions et cetera. Even if you don't end up getting a diagnosis of any condition, you could still think of yourself as having struggles with certain things (and I find it very hard to believe that no one, whether or not they have a condition such as autism or other so-called 'disability', struggles with anything at all) and if motivated to do learn strategies to handle those struggles. I'm sure you also have many strengths and skills that you can use in society!

I believe it is possible to be healthy and have autism, and that it is possible to be a typical person in many ways and have autism; of course, it is also possible to be healthy and typical in many ways and not have autism.

Speaking for myself, previously (including a time when I was still under 18) I did not really care whether or not I actually have autism or if it was a diagnosis wrongly given to me; I probably would still pursue the same goals whether or not I believe or know for sure that I have autism and even if I end up finding out that I in fact I do not have autism. I am starting to accept though that I possibly do have some difficulties with social interaction. However, you may be unlike how I was and actually want to know with a reasonable certainty whether or not you are on the autism spectrum.

Ultimately, it is your decision to go to the appointment or to cancel the appointment. If you keep the appointment, I would think it would be a good idea to be honest and open (as far as practical - if you do not feel comfortable sharing extremely personal sensitive information then you do not have to, and in the hopefully hypothetical situation of you being asked questions of which you feel you could put yourself in danger by telling the professional then of course withhold that information from him or her); that way, you may feel more confident that you are likely to receive an accurate diagnosis.