What helped?

[Dahlia]

We just found out that my almost 6 year old son is autistic and people are pushing lots of interventions. We homeschool and he is very happy around immediate family and with our extended family. He can’t really make friends with peers, but he is a huge sweetheart and gets lots of love and attention. He is in speech therapy (ok) and was in OT (happy there, it no more visits on insurance) and now that we know he is autistic people keep telling us to do ABA, put him in speech therapy social groups and the like.

I am trying to figure out how to help him. What was helpful to you? I don’t mean what made you have fewer autistic traits, but what actually made you happier and made your life better? What do you wish your parents or teachers had known or done to help you? Books you think parents should read?

FYI - My parenting style is already gentle and we are pretty child led about school stuff (following interests).

 

[Joel's Hear]

Less is more sometimes, about the multiple outside interventions. ABA has a low reputation amongst some members of the autistic community.

 

[Crossbreed]

How functional is he? Is his cognition normal for a six year-old? ASD1s [pka Aspies] usually are. ASD2s & 3s require more professional intervention.

 

[Dahlia]

His language is a couple years behind but he learned to read on his own, so there’s a lot going on in there. He also has big chunks of the periodic table down so I think his memory is fine. He has trouble with receptive language so kids his age do seem far ahead, but that isn’t necessarily permanent. On the IQ test that was part of his some testing done last year his IQ was low-normal, but both language and rigidity got in the way and we were told to take that as a lower bound.

He is a very sweet guy who is pretty mellow. He likes to be near us, sit on laps etc, while he does things but he is often in his own world. He gets sad and cries when things are too much for him but for him emotion points in, not out, so it is more socially acceptable. He doesn’t really have behavior issues that I have a big problem with. He isn’t potty trained and flat out does not want to poop on the toilet, but that doesn’t seem like enough of a reason to do ABA. He does need extra help in knowing what to do and he does best in classes with kids a full year or two younger and a gentle, understanding teacher. He doesn’t instantly do what adults tell him to do just because they are adults but I view that as a feature, not a bug.

[edited to add: high functioning autism was the term the therapist used but he needs to have another full evaluation and I’m guessing they will give us a 1,2 or 3 there]

 

[Crossbreed]

How about conversationally? Can you dialogue easily back & forth?

 

[Dahlia]

Back and forth is hard for him. He can answer yes/no questions and A or B questions. Open ended questions don’t work. Other back and forth convo is scripted or describing what he is doing. Language needs to be simple and clear so he understands.

 

[Joel's Hear]

Hi. Being able to memorize a significant portion of the periodic table perhaps signify that his mind is capable, but at the time only in less recognized/understood ways. His brain works best with patterns, his mind runs through channels.

 

[Crossbreed]

My non-professional guesstimation would be ASD2. If you are going to home-school and teach him general life lessons, you are going to have to learn his language, first.

To do that, you will need reliable resources. These two USA organizations are good sources for family information and finding autism-competent therapists,

• The Autism Society of America (local affiliates)
• US Autism & Asperger Association

(We were never able to potty-train our ASD3 daughter [now 24]. Her school found a way.)

 

[Onna]

We just found out that my almost 6 year old son is autistic and people are pushing lots of interventions. We homeschool and he is very happy around immediate family and with our extended family. He can’t really make friends with peers, but he is a huge sweetheart and gets lots of love and attention. He is in speech therapy (ok) and was in OT (happy there, it no more visits on insurance) and now that we know he is autistic people keep telling us to do ABA, put him in speech therapy social groups and the like.

I am trying to figure out how to help him. What was helpful to you? I don’t mean what made you have fewer autistic traits, but what actually made you happier and made your life better? What do you wish your parents or teachers had known or done to help you? Books you think parents should read?

FYI - My parenting style is already gentle and we are pretty child led about school stuff (following interests).

I was only diagnosed as an adult, so I’ve had to think about what I think would have helped when I was younger.

First of all, sensory. You should create calm spaces in your home. There are lots of sensory aides; weighed blankets for sleep, lighting, toys, dens etc. I would have loved to have had a safe space, to escape to when I needed.
I’m not sure if this is the same for your son, but when I was younger I had a lot of anxiety, and I think I really just wanted to feel safe and secure. So if you can build confidence in him, that he can always depend on you that might help.

You say you homeschool? If you decide to put him in school, ideally the class sizes will be small, the school is calm, and teachers are enthusiastic about teaching.

I’d recommend you focus on preventing/fixing anything that causes distress or discomfort, keep an eye out for things he dislikes. Otherwise an element of just allowing him to be himself would be useful.

You could encourage basic routines. If there’s something you want him to learn, try Slowly and casually introducing the topic, small changes are less intimidating.

Lastly. I had great difficulty expressing and communicating my emotions. You could practice and teach him about them, using visual aids, practice asking him how he feels and to describe the emotion.

For the record I was diagnosed Aspergers, so I’m not sure if this will all relate.

 

[Xerces Blue]

Your son sounds very intelligent to me.
He'll probably have an easier time making friends with people older than him that are more understanding.
Introduce him to people who have an interest in science and other topics he likes.
He's likely to warm up to using the toilet eventually, my nephew was like this as well it wasn't a problem by the time he was 8 or so. I'll ask my sister what she did to help him along for you.
Something Important is that he isn't bored in school - This was something I had a problem with I realized I knew most of the subjects well enough I could skate by without doing the homework and just ace the test to pass, Keep him engaged so he doesn't getting bored and lazy.

 

[Mattymatt]

We just found out that my almost 6 year old son is autistic and people are pushing lots of interventions. We homeschool and he is very happy around immediate family and with our extended family. He can’t really make friends with peers, but he is a huge sweetheart and gets lots of love and attention. He is in speech therapy (ok) and was in OT (happy there, it no more visits on insurance) and now that we know he is autistic people keep telling us to do ABA, put him in speech therapy social groups and the like.

I am trying to figure out how to help him. What was helpful to you? I don’t mean what made you have fewer autistic traits, but what actually made you happier and made your life better? What do you wish your parents or teachers had known or done to help you? Books you think parents should read?

FYI - My parenting style is already gentle and we are pretty child led about school stuff (following interests).

Keep on doing what you're doing. A gentle and patient parenting style will do wonders for your child! I had the verbally and psychologically abusive parents that left some real scars into my adulthood. In fact, your parenting style will do more to help your child than ABA. In my not-so-humble opinion, ABA is junk science. Perhaps the only thing I would recommend would be that as your son grows older, you teach him some life skills like cooking, cleaning, and person finance like budgeting, balancing a checkbook, etc. My parents were epic failures at this and traditional schooling makes the assumption that parents teach their children these skills so I was doubly unprepared for adulthood. Also, have your son's father teach him to work with hand tools and maybe encourage him to learn a trade on the side. My father was inept when it came to using tools or doing anything that required "handy-ness." Furthermore, when he did have a project he could handle, he would never involve me so I never learned the magic of using tools.

 

[Pats]

You sound like a wonderful mom, and I think patience is the key. I had no idea that I was autistic until late - very late - in life and wish I had known to be able to accept who I was and make adjustments accordingly instead of just having to face this place that was so unnatural to me and so alien to me. Not at this early age, but later on I think it would be important that he feels accepted for who he is and taught how to manage in the outside world. To learn appropriate ways to handle melt downs and things like that. Not taught to be who he is not, but to be who he is and being in control.

 

[Dahlia]

Lots of ideas, thank you. We’re doing a lot of those things but some great ideas for things to add, like a sensory space. I’m trying to figure out how to work that, for him...

I find it interesting that people are not (yet?) saying ST/OT/ABA/PRT/social skills groups were so helpful and made me a happier person and made it easier for me to do things I wanted to do.

Oh, it is good to think about ways to help him later, but I am more focused on what to do now and in the next few years as I can’t tell what he will be able to do as an adult.