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What Do You Do When You Like Someone?

Usually in the beginning I am very shy I tend to be very timid worried that I am going to freak them out with my weirdness. Then over a little time I tend to be the more talkative to the point of overly friendly. Every once in a long while there is someone that I am just comfortable with. But its hard for me to get past the timid awkward stage.
 
One time I accidentally got a crush on one of my friends and every time I saw him I'd freeze up and go hide, when we hung out I'd keep distance from him and be very quiet. I wouldn't know what to talk about, it was as if I were trying to hang out with a complete stranger. It might have been mostly the fact that I felt weird about having a crush on one of my friends, and that i wasn't used to having a crush on anyone in real life, I usually just have internet crushes

It was weird, I didn't like it. 0/10 Would Not Recommend
 
I usually am unintentionally cold and distant with my crushes. Monosyllabic responses, avoidance.

But what really happens is freezing inside, shame of possible rejection, fear, and nervousness, SO MUCH NERVOUSNESS! I don't know why I use this mask.

I hope I can cope with it someday.
 
Once I realize I've been staring at her, I check to see if my wife's caught me at it.

Play it cool, crack jokes, be easy. If she comes on strong and fast (I'm very very slow at these things, and have always enjoyed taking time to get wherever it's going), I seize up with fear and then usually make an ass of myself one way or another.
 
When I like someone I smile and laugh whilebI'm talking to them. I also make sure I say hi to them everytime I see them in the hallway. I talk quite a bit when I'm around someone I like. I try not to look at them too much, unless I'm talking to them, so as not to come off as a stalker. I'm a huge flirt, and sometimes it's really obvious lol. :p
 
I try to avoid them as much as possible out of fear of annoying them, unless they talk to me first or I really have something to say to them... something not related to liking them of course. And I try to be as nice to them as possible without being creepy.
 
I usually avoid them, unless I already know them, and then I act like I normally do around them. The only times I've ever had a 'girlfriend' was when I didn't really know them, and they came out of nowhere and asked if I wanted to be their boyfriend. Of course, my grandparents believe that dating is 'of Satan' and that I should meet good hyper-conservative christian women only through church (our church only had 10 people at the most, and it's not exactly like it's a diverse gene pool either), so I've never been on a date either; and by the time I developed enough social skills to almost act normally, I got locked up, and I wasn't released until after I graduated high-school, and then I moved to Indiana, where I don't know anybody.
 
When I like someone I call myself stupid for falling into this trap again, but try to date her... The problem is that always when I want to tell that I like her, I feel too embarrassed and worried it might end with our friendship. Then I give up and play guitar and listen to Death Metal to forget it haha :p
 
I try to rationalize my emotions and determine what traits I find appealing and why. I try to pay attention to behavior patterns in them and make sure I'm not repeating patterns. Recently I focused on allowing myself to be as openly quirky as possibly. I communicate openly, and I discuss my anxieties openly. I used to dwell on what made me so horrible a person. Why do I not find sex as appealing as many others do? Why do I not understand their gestures? And then I felt horribly annoyed by the traits of...so very many people, though I do genuinely enjoy humanity as a whole. There are just...very many things I notice about people which bother me, also, so I've preferred isolation though I'd always hoped for love. I spent a lot of time dating to almost practice forcing myself to conduct myself within a relationship accordingly. I always thought I was the problem, and I always ended up back to where I was before--wanting to be alone, feeling inadequate and misunderstood. Though I wanted to be alone, part of me felt like my social isolation had been validated by yet another failure. Some how, in being openly myself ...I have been absolutely blessed with the greatest relationship I ever could have imagined. Nothing is forced, nothing is scripted. There are no odd parameters or gestures for me to try to understand. I am myself, and he is himself, and we fit together so oddly well I am continually amazed. There's no tolerance. I was always used to tolerating the other person or feeling like I was being tolerated. I fully appreciate this person and I feel fully appreciated. Considering how terribly isolated and odd I've always felt, this is a very big deal to me!
 
Hi, Shinako!

I'm so glad you found someone who sees how special you are and is equally special to you. :)

(I see this is your first post too! Welcome!)
 
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But seriously? Um... well, I usually don't draw all that much attention to it until such time where we've become casual enough friends for that info to either seep out naturally or for the other half to show some signs of a similar nature.

Or you know, downing some Dutch courage on a night out with said person so that the process speeds up a bit and I can get it out of the way. Not to mention the added benefit of being able to blame it on the booze should it not go well. It's like having Professor Farnsworth's time button in liquid form. :D
 
so, this is an old thread.....but on the flip (NT) side, what can we do to ease the awkwardness (although trust me, I get it too!)
 
I become overly friendly & too open, I tend to try & keep a conversation going, even when it's stupid or about something much too personal.

kyliewyote said:
so, this is an old thread.....but on the flip (NT) side, what can we do to ease the awkwardness (although trust me, I get it too!)
Click to expand...

I think the most important thing is that they know you're ok with how awkward they can be if they choose to open up, just make them feel very safe about talking to you. Coming down to their level for a moment, try to match their awkwardness about things you're both interested in, gradually reassuring them that you feel the same way about a lot of things you have in common, and occasionally, when it feels like you've made enough progress with them to move to the next level, offer them tips about how to get along better with you.

Also, being very blunt helps. A lot of us with AS/Asperger's don't understand social cues. If you're romantically interested in someone, be very straightfoward. Tell them exactly how you feel, make sure they know you love them & would like to be in a relationship with them. The same goes for any other situation in which social cues would move things along. Don't be subtle, announce it to them, that helps a lot.
 
thanks LazyL.....it drives home what I've read. This is a long-distance and so far, a 'careful thang' on both of our sides, and I leave tomorrow for a visit after 2 months, and when I first started thinking that my interest may be an Aspie. But much more openness on a number of (long....1-2 hour) phone calls, and while he also lives with his 2 co-workers, he has also grabbed the phone-football and gone to a back room when I call, vs in the past only talking a little. I hope to have a talk on where we both are in this next visit, and you had a great reminder (ie, bring from the back of my brain to the FRONT) to tell him how I feel and what I would like in future (vs only talking about "the now")
LOL.....I can read and read and learn and learn, and it still takes a reminder to think or say something else.
I've said it before, but this forum is something that any person should have, not just someone on or with someone on the Aspie spectrum

(I almost hit send, but it triggered a memory....I played pro tennis, and was good. But I kept a little sheet of paper in my racquet bag that reminded me to always step forward and to "go get" the ball instead of it coming to me. Ya, on 'that' level, I still needed a reminder, because when pressure hits, I guess for all and any of us, the brain shuts down.....)

thanks y'all...Kylie
 
No worries, glad I could help. I hope you guys are very happy together! He's a lucky guy to have someone willing to put this much effort into understanding him.
 
I was open and honest from the start about my own awkwardness in such a situation, but was careful not to dwell too long on my problems. She seemed charmed by my honesty and shyness.. idk, maybe I wasn't the typical male threat she may have expected.
I value her more as a person than for her physical appearance (she is gorgeous, btw) and I think that means more to her than anything I could say, though I'm always careful to complement her and notice the differences since the last time we've met.
I listen carefully to what she says and, fortunately for me, she's good, despite being shy herself, at filling the potential silences (Long Awkward Silence is my middle name.. honest, it's on my birth certificate :rolleyes:)
I find myself just gazing into her eyes rather a lot.. and that seems to suffice for much of the time.. phew :cool:
 
The one time I did like someone, I got too shy and meek to talk to him. It hurt a lot when he started going out with someone else.
 
ThatSkyWing said:
The one time I did like someone, I got too shy and meek to talk to him. It hurt a lot when he started going out with someone else.
Click to expand...

Yeah! I struggle with this stuff too skywing I crashed and burned with a cute little ranch girl the other day, Sigh! too bad to the mother is as sweet as the days are long, nice family. I have decided at the end of the day you have to be willing to trade a little humiliation for a chance at love. :( No one enjoys looking stupid but a life time of love against a red face for a few minuets and feeling bad for a day or two is not really that bad...but it still feels bad.:rolleyes:
 
Well,I'm back from my visit, and catching up on the rest of life, so just a quick visit on the forum for now. Ya, that shy-to-talk is not just an Aspie trait, but NT too (although I understand likely/often more for Aspies). I almost chickened out. But, as the door was closing, I asked if we could have a chat, and it ended up being wonderful. Just sharing and talking and some really nice hugs (glad he is good with physical touch). He has the ability to share very openly (which is a really nice change from my past relation with an emotional brick wall).

Maelstrom: You are indeed correct with your comment: I have decided at the end of the day you have to be willing to trade a little humiliation for a chance at love.

It may not always work out, which was my first attempt 2 months ago with a fail, and ya, it makes you feel pretty sheepish. But in reading the forum, I decided to gently try one more time.....this was decided via reading a lot of this forum, where some folks said to be gently persistent since Aspies may be very hesitant. (note, I also understand the flip side of not stalking!).

So, this NT is feeling pretty special right now.....thank you all for your insights!
 
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