What do you do when you feel lonely and does it work?

[Progster]

Interesting, I only started feeling lonely regularly while I already stopped trying to be normal, after getting a little taste of what it means to be close with somebody

For me, the increased contact with other people only served to make me realise how different I was to other people, and to make me feel more inadequate, or useless, and caused added stress - lonliness was associated with rejection - I'd try to join in and be sociable, but I got rejected. I could never really connect with people, but saw that others could and were having a good time, I could never have this, and this caused feelings of lonliness.

 

[Graphin]

For me, the increased contact with other people only served to make me realise how different I was to other people, and to make me feel more inadequate, or useless, and caused added stress - lonliness was associated with rejection - I'd try to join in and be sociable, but I got rejected. I could never really connect with people, but saw that others could and were having a good time, I could never have this, and this caused feelings of lonliness.

That's why I say I got a little taste of what it means to be close. I barely see anyone with potential to socialize with, I understand what you mean, except that even if I saw them having a happy time it did not make me more lonely.

 

[LadyBird84]

I watch some of my favorite TV series that I've seen many times. It helps a little.
I'm very lucky and grateful to be married to my best friend, but other than that I don't have any friends.

 

[Progster]

That's why I say I got a little taste of what it means to be close. I barely see anyone with potential to socialize with, I understand what you mean, except that even if I saw them having a happy time it did not make me more lonely.

It's something like what Pat says here, she seems to express it a lot better that I can.

But when I was in a group of people I thought I was supposed to be close to, I'd feel left out and that made me feel lonely. Maybe being around people reminds me that I'm not like them or makes me feel left out and not important? I just know that when I'm by myself and the less I hear from anyone, the better I feel.

 

[Moomin]

It’s funny because I’ve recently spoken about how my mom wants me to socialize and make friendships but I also don’t really want to do it because of previous experiences and rejections.

I feel isolated, disconnected from people the majority of the time. I don’t get them. But I also wish that I was like them. It seems so easy for others to socialize..obviously it’s not for me I do understand that, but I feel like an outsider looking in. Literally in most cases, but when I’ve been around groups it’s also applied.

I do feel lonely. Isolated. Having cats help because they are dependent on me, and heavy on the demands st times...most of the time. I play video games with rpg elements to them so I can get a form of socialization even if it’s indirect. I read. I do arts and crafts.

But only if I have the mindset to do it. If I’m feeling heavy in the loneliness, I seem to have to battle with depressive black clouds again.

 

[Annanda]

It’s funny because I’ve recently spoken about how my mom wants me to socialize and make friendships

that's, what my mom tried also, when I was about five years old. It didn't work out well. She invited some children of the neighborhood, because I had to stay at home with a broken leg. I hided behind the great couch in the living room and was hardly induced to come out.
One girl became my childhood friend for several years, but it was not as close as best friends may use to be. I guess there was kind of reciprocity missing, specially from my side. I always wanted the children to act like I created it in my mind before, which they did, when I invented games, they liked to play.
As an adult it became more and more difficult, not because people wouldn't like me, but because of very different ways of life.
But nowadays, becoming an old women as I can realize the sense of having no human being very close to me, I also can modify this very sense by imagining how stressful it would be otherwise.

 

[Moomin]

that's, what my mom tried also, when I was about five years old. It didn't work out well. She invited some children of the neighborhood, because I had to stay at home with a broken leg. I hided behind the great couch in the living room and was hardly induced to come out.
One girl became my childhood friend for several years, but it was not as close as best friends may use to be. I guess there was kind of reciprocity missing, specially from my side. I always wanted the children to act like I created it in my mind before, which they did, when I invented games, they liked to play.
As an adult it became more and more difficult, not because people wouldn't like me, but because of very different ways of life.
But nowadays, becoming an old women as I can realize the sense of having no human being very close to me, I also can modify this very sense by imagining how stressful it would be otherwise.

Yes! When I had play dates as a child, I would be “bossy” during play. I would even do this to my sibling. I had the expectation that they would behave however I had planned it. In some way, I still do this now.

 

[Pats]

I always wanted the children to act like I created it in my mind before

Yes! When I had play dates as a child, I would be “bossy” during play. I would even do this to my sibling. I had the expectation that they would behave however I had planned it. In some way, I still do this now.

I wonder if we all have that high expectation from others? I know I used to, but a long time ago learned that it's never the way you want. My daughter always has high expectations in everything and I'm constantly trying to tell her that's not the way it's going to be. Not because I'm negative, but I've seen her hurt so many times over thinking somethings going to be wonderful and it's not even close.
Good example: when she was pregnant with her first child she said she wanted a changing table to put in the bathroom so at night when the baby wakes up she can take him to the bathroom and change him and then go sit on the couch to feed him. I told her over and over that that will never happen. (It didn't - not even the first time.)

 

[Moomin]

@Pats

In my case, I have been hurt when having high expectations. I should really learn...

 

[Annanda]

I wonder if we all have that high expectation from others? I know I used to, but a long time ago learned that it's never the way you want.

I have to think about this! Very interesting thought, @Pats !

 

[Butterfly88]

When I'm lonely I'll usually try to find someone to talk to online. Sometimes I use the chatroom here or I'll talk to my friends from other places. It helps to an extent.

 

[BraidedPony]

I feel lonely when I want to tell somebody something. Like yesterday I groomed my dog and wanted to show someone how good she looked and how soft her fur was when dried.
Or today I made a tuna casserole and added some nutritional yeast to the recipe and it tasted really good and wanted to share that with someone.
When I watch movies I wish someone was sitting next to me so we can laugh or get frightened at the same time, depending on the type of movie.
What do I do about it? I can come here and share in the chat room or just ignore it and do something else.

 

[Book]

Suzanne,

I make a pot of tea and lose myself in a movie, TV series, or book I like.

Doesn't always work, but it's the only strategy that usually does .

Book

 

[Joshua the Writer]

I either play videogames, mess around on some of the Discord servers I'm in, or talk to my girlfriend on Discord.

 

[SusanLR]

I feel lonely when I want to tell somebody something.

Yes. I do something, create something, learn something new, wake up from a dream or nightmare, etc.
I want to talk with someone about it and share it.
And the same with watching TV. I like someone to share the story with. But, it needs to be someone
I feel close with. And since I can't feel that, then it's like being alone even if someone is with me.

My Mom also wanted me to have friends as a kid and tried to get little parties or invite school mates
over. It just never worked out. As others have said, I was bossy, I wanted things my way, if they didn't
like my interests I was annoyed. So nothing ever lasted.
Only with the one I knew and had treated me good since birth. Mom.

I thought of another way to express my feeling of isolation and disconnectedness.
Imagine being a castaway on an island. There are plenty of trees around.
You can sit and look at the beauty of the trees, but, does it make you happy?
Does it make you feel fulfilled? Do you talk to the trees for company?
Occasionally a coconut falls down and hits you on the head. You feel angry.
Maybe you cuss the tree or kick it or hit it with a stick.
Still they are just trees. What kind of emotional connection can you feel for them, really?

Just like on the movie Castaway, maybe you can create a Wilson to feel attached to!

 

[Dillon]

When I not around people have no one to talk to feeling disconnected I just do my own thing. I like to draw or listen to music, but if I don’t feel like doing either of those things I go fishing. Just some things to keep me busy cause the more stuff I do for myself the less stress I feel at that moment making me not wondering why no one wants to talk to me.

 

[Bronzelincolns]

nah i don't get feelings of loneliness really even as a non-married person. I have personal hobbies I engage in that I really do enjoy.

 

[Otenba]

I can relate so much to the replies on this thread. I like my own company but finding people to enjoy life with is so so difficult. I sometimes wish I was no longer in the world on bad days. Feelings of isolation are common. Some people are more obvious than others about how much they're just tolerating your existence. ...and the people who are pretending to care are the worst.

 

[All-Rounder]

I choose to feel a different feeling. You cant feel two ways, the initial feeling passes. By psychology advice i read, its good to try to switch to a different mood, a calm relaxed mood helps me the most, especially if i lay down make myself comfortable and stretch. It isnt really linked to thoughts as much as tge state itself i like to be in. It soothes me and relieves the tension i feel in my stomach from feeling lonely.

By the way you can have tons of friends and they can be great to you but you can still feel lonely.