Ways in which we can keep our ego "in check"

[Neonatal RRT]

Background: I've been a member on the Autism Forums for years now, reading and contributing. I've only recently realized that our ego plays a lot more than I thought in our human experience. When someone says that someone is "egotistical", at least in my interpretation and cognitive bias, I often envision someone who is just full of him/herself, an air of self-importance, someone who looks down upon others, and everything is about them. In general, not a pleasant person to be around.

However, here I am realizing that even within the autistic community, because of our life experience, the many struggles in daily life, the sensitivity to toxic people around us, the feeling things deeply, the heightened awareness of social injustices, the communication difficulties with interpretation of intent and meaning, emotional dysregulation, rumination cycles, etc... there does appear to be heightened sense of "self". There tends to be this sense of... well... unfairness, I am a victim, listen to my story, agree with me or else. Some even take it to the level that anyone else with a differing life experience... someone with "advantages"... is incapable of understanding, or worse, somehow an adversary. Now, admittedly, if you look back at some of my posts from say 2020-21... you might see some of that. I've learned and matured since that time... in part, because of you all here on the forums. I thank you all for that.

All that said...

I've come to this philosophy that we are nothing more than souls that are having a temporary human experience. As individuals, we are nothing more than a single grain of sand within a vast desert of sand. We may have some influence upon the other grains of sand within our immediate vicinity, but we do not have the power to change the desert.

I am not that important within the greater context of the universe, this world, my country. Neither are any one of you all.

So, when you have the urge to become "triggered" into a rant, to be "offended" by verbiage or a statement, to disagree with verbal diarrhea on a thread... step back, pause, collect one's self... and let's have a civil discussion. Don't let our egos get the better of us. My life experience...your life experience... it's different. Different perspectives are important. If you are looking at something from only a single point of view... you, quite literally, are not seeing the whole... it's an inaccurate representation... an illusion. You need the input from other people looking at it from different points of view in order to envision what you're actually looking at. In part, this is the purpose of the forum... multiple perspectives. When people disagree with you... it's not the "attack" that your ego thinks it is.

So, when you have the urge to be "violently" empathetic or sympathetic, being the social justice warrior, riding in on your proverbial white horse to save the day from "evil doers", there are ways that truly are effective... and other ways that just create further chaos, anger, frustration, and even death. Let's keep our egos in check. None of us are that important within the greater scheme of things.

Peace be with you all.

 

[TBRS1]

I'm afraid that I don't experience my life at the level of "the greater context of the universe."

I experience it at a level where I am, actually, significant - because at the level of my real, physical experience, I feel pain, I feel hunger, I feel all the things that affect individuals.

I would prefer a philosophy that doesn't say I don't matter.

I will continue my tiny war for social justice.

 

[AprilR]

I agree with @TBRS1 more i think. But i also understand where op is coming from.

I agree in that, we should not give our problems and negative things in our life too much importance, or build our identity around our traumas.

But that said, if i see someone struggling and in pain, because of something that i can change, i will help and not remain neutral and passive. If it is something that can be changed, and i have the power to do it, i think we should do our best to help and contribute positively to the world we live in.

Like i recently saw on the internet, the bbc wild life crew broke the "no intervention" rule, to help penguins who were stuck in the snow.

I think if i have the power to change things for the better, i should do my best to be do that.

Edit: although i am fully aware that there are LOTS of people who take advantage of others' kindness and sympathy by playing the victim, and we should be careful of these people. Where i live scammers or "fake" beggars are very common

 

[Neonatal RRT]

I'm afraid that I don't experience my life at the level of "the greater context of the universe."

Most people don't... because of their egos. People often find themselves "living in the now"... trying to satisfy their immediate needs... very centrally focused. . Another topic, but those who have had profound spiritual experiences... who have experienced "ego loss"... will see themselves as part of the greater universal consciousness. They realize, quite powerfully, that "it's not about them", per se. It's about love and unity. Their entire perspective changes.

I experience it at a level where I am, actually, significant - because at the level of my real, physical experience, I feel pain, I feel hunger, I feel all the things that affect individuals.

Ego again. I am not criticizing... in a way, you're proving my point. I experience it myself... but I can compartmentalize between the needs of the "self" and my relationship within the greater universe. Two things can be true at the same time.

I would prefer a philosophy that doesn't say I don't matter.

Again, you do have influence upon people you have direct contact with... hopefully, your influence creates harmony, love, kindness, etc. If people are under the influence of your warmth and love, they often pass that along to others. Maybe that becomes "contagious" and spreads throughout the world... then, it becomes something much greater than yourself... but you were the catalyst. The "butterfly effect".

I will continue my tiny war for social justice.

As you know, there are methods that are more effective than others. Efficacy and efficiency.

 

[TBRS1]

Did you hear the joke about the guy who ate too many mushrooms?

His ego died, then rose from the dead three days later thinking it was Jesus Christ.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

Did you hear the joke about the guy who ate too many mushrooms?

His ego died, then rose from the dead three days later thinking it was Jesus Christ.

In some cases...

 

[WhitewaterWoman]

Every time I get into a situation or environment with the opportunity to see, hear, learn from being with others (including plants, rocks, minerals) I feel blessed.

I am always learning. Always growing. I’ve learned a lot from this forum, especially about interacting with others and my skills have improved.

I’ve watched Neonatal RRT grow over the years, too. As well as others.

I haven’t reached any conclusions about souls and human experience, but that there is something inconceivably greater out there is unmistakable.

 

[arithmetic]

I entirely agree with @WhitewaterWoman in her original post.
I've always found that nobody understands or cares anyway, so in my lost and crying disappointment I try to change the world by being less of an ah myself.

 

[TBRS1]

I haven’t reached any conclusions about souls and human experience, but that there is something inconceivably greater out there is unmistakable.

This is true beyond dispute. There is no independent arising - big things are made of smaller things, and big things make bigger things.

The place where I have a question is: What level should I focus on? My level, or the cosmic level beyond me?

My present answer is: The only level I can directly affect is my level. Therefore, focus on what I can affect.

 

[cooljethro]

There is a stereotype within the NT frame of reference, whereby autistic people are thought to have big ego's by default. After all, so the reasoning goes, the etymology of the word 'autistic' is related to the word 'self'.

I think this is wrong in some ways, since autistic people, being more aware of social injustices, in part through their own personal experiences of being a minority, probably become less egotistical and more appreciative of the world around them, especially in terms of an autistic and his or her or their meta self.

There are plenty of autistic folk who have issues such as alexthymia which I imagine makes it difficult for autistic people to have their emotional needs met, largely because people with alexthymia struggle to identify their own emotions and thus their own needs are neglected. This sometimes results in a more outward frame of mind/less of an ego.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

There are plenty of autistic folk who have issues such as alexthymia which I imagine makes it difficult for autistic people to have their emotional needs met, largely because people with alexthymia struggle to identify their own emotions and thus their own needs are neglected. This sometimes results in a more outward frame of mind/less of an ego.

Interesting perspective... having alexithymia myself. Confounding things, growing up in an era where... especially for males... emotional expression (crying and other emotional outbursts) was considered a character weakness... to be shunned and shamed. Being the Stoic male was the model. "Shut up and do what you're supposed to do. Your feelings don't matter... you're a man." So... I put up with a lifetime of emotional, mental, and physical pain whilst "doing what I was supposed to do", being the responsible, reliable, accountable "rock" of my family.

Later, finding out about my autism and alexithymia... and more recently, with the help of psilocybin, a further letting go of my "self"... being more humble and having a better understanding of my experience... but also, the importance of being a better person... patience, love, random acts of kindness, etc. My intentions in life and interpersonally, taking upon a different path. Again... it's not about me... it's outward thinking.

My present answer is: The only level I can directly affect is my level. Therefore, focus on what I can affect.

So... yes... very much so. My perspective is that we are not Gods... but rather humble, often insignificant mortal creatures... and as such, the only level we can directly affect is our tiny little microcosm around us. If you can make someone happy, give love and understanding, random acts of kindness... you might affect those people. Now, what you don't have control over is whether or not those people, in turn, spread that love and kindness to other people in their microcosm... and so on and so forth. It would be a better world... and you would be that catalyst that ultimately changes the world.

 

[WhitewaterWoman]

So... yes... very much so. My perspective is that we are not Gods... but rather humble, often insignificant mortal creatures... and as such, the only level we can directly affect is our tiny little microcosm around us. If you can make someone happy, give love and understanding, random acts of kindness... you might affect those people. Now, what you don't have control over is whether or not those people, in turn, spread that love and kindness to other people in their microcosm... and so on and so forth. It would be a better world... and you would be that catalyst that ultimately changes the world.

Exactly. For some of us.

Others may be called to other, greater tasks. People who’ve been given a larger understanding of the world or more complex problems to solve. We, or at least I, can’t pretend to comprehend what they may or may not be doing.

For me, I listen and try to do what is asked of me.

 

[TBRS1]

...My perspective is that we are not Gods... but rather humble, often insignificant mortal creatures... and as such, the only level we can directly affect is our tiny little microcosm around us. If you can make someone happy, give love and understanding, random acts of kindness... you might affect those people. Now, what you don't have control over is whether or not those people, in turn, spread that love and kindness to other people in their microcosm... and so on and so forth. It would be a better world... and you would be that catalyst that ultimately changes the world.

I agree completely. Up to the random acts of kindness.

The best way to keep the ego in check is to know two things:

1. What one can do
2. What one can not do.

The random acts of kindness are the actual things one can do. Small things make big things - A random act of kindness is a small thing.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

Exactly. For some of us.

Others may be called to other, greater tasks. People who’ve been given a larger understanding of the world or more complex problems to solve. We, or at least I, can’t pretend to comprehend what they may or may not be doing.

For me, I listen and try to do what is asked of me.

For example... a powerful world or corporate leader... agree... "some of us"... the tiniest fraction of the population.

Many people are good at following directions and meeting expectations. That has been my life, as well.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

The best way to keep the ego in check is to know two things:

1. What one can do
2. What one can not do.

The random acts of kindness are the actual things one can do. Small things make big things - A random act of kindness is a small thing.

Another way to put it, "There are things in life I can change... and others I cannot. Give me the wisdom to know the difference."

 

[arithmetic]

Hi Everybody
My take on all this is quite different, which is part of being a mystic.
For me it is all about giving love away; learning kindness is a goal and a career for me.
I owe my life to Someone who can't be shown to exist, and who saved me when I called on them. Repaying my beautiful Friend makes me happy.
Like this: Say someone needs some work done, and I remember my Friend and help them. Then I am answering their prayer for help, and I am doing the work of the One who helped me. Later on, when I look back on the memories of the day, I see myself doing this and that as though I were on a movie - and I see my Friend's presence there beside and with me all through the job. Boy that makes me smile. (The aspect of my Friend whom I often see in such contexts is called, in New Zealand, "Kahukura" - a cloak of the Mother of All Things, Papatuanuku.)

That's a good way for me to go about pleasing myself.


PS
Anyone can make friends with the my beautiful friend. I met my Friend through years of metta bhavana meditation.

 

[TBRS1]

Hi Everybody
My take on all this is quite different, which is part of being a mystic.
For me it is all about giving love away; learning kindness is a goal and a career for me.
I owe my life to Someone who can't be shown to exist, and who saved me when I called on them. Repaying my beautiful Friend makes me happy.
Like this: Say someone needs some work done, and I remember my Friend and help them. Then I am answering their prayer for help, and I am doing the work of the One who helped me. Later on, when I look back on the memories of the day, I see myself doing this and that as though I were on a movie - and I see my Friend's presence there beside and with me all through the job. Boy that makes me smile. (The aspect of my Friend whom I often see in such contexts is called, in New Zealand, "Kahukura" - a cloak of the Mother of All Things, Papatuanuku.)

That's a good way for me to go about pleasing myself.


PS
Anyone can make friends with the my beautiful friend. I met my Friend through years of metta bhavana meditation.

This is a part of your Buddhist meditation practice?

I'm not very familiar with this type of meditation. Can you explain?