Upset about my brother getting engaged

[It2ly]

My brother is the closest thing I have to a best friend. He always makes me laugh, he knows how to comfort me when I'm sad, and above all he's honest with me, which is something I appreciate as most people tend to walk on eggshells around me (figuratively speaking).

About 10 months ago he met a very sweet, beautiful girl at Church. They are a perfect couple in every way, their relationship is just like a fairy tale. Anyone can see that they were practically made for each other; it's like they complete each other and make each other whole.

They've been talking about marriage for awhile, and on the 12th my brother is going to propose.

But I noticed that, as the date is drawing closer, my mood and general mental state has been worsening. After several days of being unusually weepy and angry, I decided to do some journal writing and I discovered that the reason behind my worsening mood has everything to do with the thought of my brother getting engaged and eventually married. When our two older sisters got married, they drifted away from our family, both physically and emotionally. I'm terrified of my brother becoming distant from me, too.

When I expressed my feelings to my dad, he reassured me that I will not "lose" my brother, but "gain" a sister-in-law and more nieces and nephews. Dad said that unlike with my older sisters, my brother will be sure to keep me involved in his and his children's lives. My dad's words comforted me a lot, because I know that what he said was the truth.

However, I can't help but be emotional about the whole thing. It's hard to believe that my baby brother's all grown up now. I distinctly remember how joyful I was when I saw him for the very first time when he was a newborn. The only thing that made me cry as hard as I did when I journaled about his upcoming engagement was when I gave away my 16 year old cat last year.

Is it normal to be this emotional about a beloved family member getting engaged? Can anyone else relate to my post?

I can relate to tje brother being ur bff bit
except my brother is gay so...

 

[Mr Allen]

My Brother's been married 11 years next month.

Didn't bother me a bit when he and our Clare got hitched, they'd been together a LONG time before they finally decided to get hitched, they met when they lived together in a shared Student House in Sunderland, England in 1990 and have been together ever since.

 

[Dusty285]

Much about everyone is essentially the same. Autistics are not as different from NT's as we like to think. Sometimes it is in the way we express ourselves.

Most people find it very difficult to "Let Go." However, "Change" is inevitable and will happen in spite of what we want or or how intensely we try to hold on to the current status quo. Most of us find that after "Change" has occurred, the new status quo is not nearly as bad as we expected. More often, we would not go back even if we could.

The longer we live the more 'Change' we experience and the more 'Change' we observe around us. Other people's lives change and we see how it happens and how it went for them; use experience and observation to help you make good decisions as your world changes around you. It is not easy but try to relax about 'Change' and concentrate on adapting to the new status quo and on making it become something good for you and your life. This is not a one-time thing; 'Change' is a continuous process. Learn to go along with it and appreciate what 'Change' can do for you.

 

[Jet Weiss]

I felt sad when my mum was in a relationship, partly because I didn't like the guy, but partly because I felt as though she had less time for me and was drifting away from me. I think it is relatively normal to feel that way when a loved one is in a relationship.

 

[Diana McNeil]

What you are experiencing is very similar to a loss & because you're only experience is of your sisters 'drifting away' after getting married, this only magnifies your fears.

You have an incredible bond with your brother & while your dad's advice is well intentioned, it didn't entirely calm those fears, did it?

My advise is to have a talk with your brother. Let him know what you're feeling & thinking. See if you can come up with a 'plan' together to help ensure you guys don't lose that great bind that you have. Maybe make an agreement to set aside a few hrs every week to hang out with each other. Just the two of you,so no matter how busy his life may get, he will always have time for you.

Change can be difficult, but it is a necessary part of life that helps us grow as individuals. Relationships can also change as we go through life, but they can also evolve and become even more deep & meaningful through these changes.

From what I can see of the great love & bond that you share with your brother, you just need to talk to him. Share your thoughts, feelings, concerns & fears. Noone except him is going to be able to truly put you at ease about this. I truly believe that once he knows this, he will ensure that you are always going to be a part of his life & be right there though it all with him.

That is the beautiful thing about family, relationships & love. As our family grows, so does the love

Best of luck & please keep us posted on how this turns out for you?