Unwritten Social Rules

[Pondering]

There are a lot of social rules but for aspies it sort of seems like a continuous effort of trial and error. A simple conversation can be like playing a well-thought-out game, strategising while attempting to understand (the next move or turn to speak of both yourself and the other person). Well, I'm writing out a few social rules I've picked up on:

1) when offering solace, less is more, meaning fewer words may have more effect and so offering the solution and identifying the issue causing the other person to be upset often is not the wisest. It is usually better to just listen, be patient, and offer sympathy.

2) Emoting. Apparently emoting is common among people, especially during social gatherings. Whether or not you feel anything, it is a common courtesy to react appropriately to what is being said, when appropriate.


I don't know how accurate these social rules actually are but I do find that they do get me by, socially-speaking (pun unintented). I ask you this question: what unwritten social rules have you learned over time and how did you learn it?

 

[watersprite]

For a few years now I've been trying to implement my guideline for talking to people in real life:

Stop before I over-talk & do not interupt. (Similar to your less is more rule)

My kids were the ones who pointed out to me that I talked way too much and repeated myself and interupted all the time.

I'm able to be quiet, or able to talk, but there is difficulty with the middle ground of correctly participating in a conversation. I haven't had friends in real life since elementary school, but I'd still like to someday, if possible.

 

[tree]

For a few years now I've been trying to implement my guideline for talking to people in real life:

Stop before I over-talk & do not interupt. (Similar to your less is more rule)

My kids were the ones who pointed out to me that I talked way too much and repeated myself and interupted all the time.

I'm able to be quiet, or able to talk, but there is difficulty with the middle ground of correctly participating in a conversation. I haven't had friends in real life since elementary school, but I'd still like to someday, if possible.

The times that you & I have spoken with each other,
it did not seem to me that you talked too much or
interrupted at all.

To hear you speak is, for me, an experience of hearing
the gears of your thoughts. It seemed to me that you
talk and think in a way similar to me. That you are considering
the effect & meaning of each word before it comes out.

 

[garnetflower13]

I still struggle with these things. For instance I have gotten more uncomfortable with phoning people and chatting unless I know them very well. I can't gauge when I am talking too much or interrupting and I tend to talk over people or they do it to me because I am having a monologue or something. It is like trying to ice skate on a moving block of ice, to interact with others in a proper way.

 

[tree]

I was reading this article and for some reason
thought of this thread.
http://arstechnica.com/science/2016/03/ritualized-behavior-chimps-all-throw-rocks-at-the-same-tree/

 

[qwerty]

I was reading this article and for some reason
thought of this thread.
http://arstechnica.com/science/2016/03/ritualized-behavior-chimps-all-throw-rocks-at-the-same-tree/

AMAZING, thank you for posting this link tree

 

[LostInSilentHill]

There are a lot of social rules but for aspies it sort of seems like a continuous effort of trial and error. A simple conversation can be like playing a well-thought-out game, strategising while attempting to understand (the next move or turn to speak of both yourself and the other person). Well, I'm writing out a few social rules I've picked up on:

1) when offering solace, less is more, meaning fewer words may have more effect and so offering the solution and identifying the issue causing the other person to be upset often is not the wisest. It is usually better to just listen, be patient, and offer sympathy.

2) Emoting. Apparently emoting is common among people, especially during social gatherings. Whether or not you feel anything, it is a common courtesy to react appropriately to what is being said, when appropriate.


I don't know how accurate these social rules actually are but I do find that they do get me by, socially-speaking (pun unintented). I ask you this question: what unwritten social rules have you learned over time and how did you learn it?

Ah, the Rules. I know them...okay. I have a few to share.

1) Laugh when other people laugh because it means they told a joke.

2) Watch for key words when speaking with someone, it often implies an emotional issue that they may want sympathy for even if they do not seem sad. These are words like died, hospital, sick, divorce, miscarrage/abortion, lost, etc. This seems really obvious but I had a hard time with this one for a while.

3) People are really sentimental about animals and it helps to not look weirded out when they are sad because they're pet died. Same goes for the death of a friend, colleague or just random people they don't even know. I don't get it but they get angry if you don't.