Understanding when we've gone beyond friend dating

[Berianireth]

I've spent the past couple of months trying my hand at internet dating. I was in a serious relationship with someone I met online for about four years and almost ended up marrying him and leaving college to have a family with him, but he ended things (imo abruptly, but overdue...) with me years ago. I've been asked out by perfect strangers and near perfect strangers since then, but it's always someone unwelcome for lack of a better way of putting things! I decided I had to at least try making more friends online and seeing where things go, since apparently I miss all of my real-world cues to flirt and get chatty (?). I've been fairly successful at arranging coffee "dates" considering how reluctant I am to meet strangers from off the web. Many of them have made some memorable one-coffee stands (like the pig-farmer/hunter/militia man that met with me and refused to try the vegan cookie I offered him, and the amish person that thought that my restricted interests and coffee lust were immoral).
Ahm. Anyyway, there were a handful of people that seemed cool and down-to-earth and made me feel at ease. I've met with all of them now more than once, and I'm only sure that one of them is interested in me physically, and the other two I cannot really figure out. I'm perfectly fine with just being friends, but now I'm concerned that I'm inadvertently hurting and misleading people...because if I'm dating two or three people at once, then I'm kind of a skeezeball right? I haven't attempted to make anything serious with any of them, but I frequently give "affirmative" cues, if that makes any sense. I'm just aiming for friendly though, and then seeing what develops. Any advice on how I could nip the issue I see unfolding in the bud?

 

[AsheSkyler]

Ask any them point blank if they wish to go exclusive? It is my understanding in the dating world you start in the "free for all" stage, then decide on being "exclusive" (although some like to say they stay exclusive from the first date on, so that's kind of murky to me), and then from there you go through "steady", "committed', and eventually wedding bells if it goes on that far.

The closest I ever came to that situation was right after I met my husband. I'd been working on one guy for ten months getting him relaxed and brave enough to ask me out (shy guys are fun to chase), and then I started college and met my husband, who was starting to flirt a good bit. I did mine chronologically though. I met the other guy first, so I asked him first. He'd just started a relationship with somebody else when I asked him out (I could have clobbered them both for it at the time), so that left me able to ask out the new guy with a clear conscience and no doubts of having lead anybody on. And ya know, after ten months of doing it "traditional" and letting the dude ask you, I got nowhere. One was too shy and the other said flat out he always lets the girls make those decisions. I finally gave up on being normal (traditional, in this case) and embraced my weirdness. Worked out great!

 

[Berianireth]

That makes sense. I decided to be up front with the one that things got physical with right away, and he was straightforward and said he is interested in friendship and possibly sex, which sounds grim to me coming from a man imo but I'm hardly capable of grasping what the whole "romantic love" thing could mean if not exactly that...call me jaded! I think he's moving a bit too fast for me but we actually seem compatible.

 

[KayMarie]

I had the issue with knowing whether or not my current boyfriend and I were dating. The only reason I agreed to go to lunch with him in the first place was because he said he only wanted to be my friend and I had just moved across the country and didn't really know anyone. We began to have lunch every once in a while and then one day he asked if he could kiss me. My response was "I hit really hard" but he kissed me anyway. I was confused and shocked that he liked me more than a friend and even more confused if we were officially dating. We had to have a very frank conversation about it and we decided to date. I've been with him for 7 years now and he loves to tease me that I have no clue when people are flirting with me just like when he met me he says he flirted with me but I had no clue. From what he says people flirt with me all the time but I just don't see it .