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Trying to "engineer" life

Sherlock77

Sherlock77

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
Awhile back I had an idea for a field trip with my local camera club, as the person who made the suggestion I also agreed to help lead it...

Good so far

I looked at dates in early May, considering classic car events I also want to attend... There is a big show next weekend, and a smaller automotive flea market this weekend... So suggested a field trip date for this weekend

But the weather has stepped in, it's a wee bit cool and showery (even a little snow) for a few days (welcome to Alberta!), so the field trip coordinator has decided to bump the field trip back to the date of the big car show by which time I'm pretty sure it will be warmer and drier (Ack!)

I do not want to miss any of the big car show, I would have gone there for the entire show, but have also committed to the field trip, and I will... I'm pretty sure I can make it to the car show by 12 noon after the field trip ends, but I would much rather spend the entire day at the car show

And I do know that it's springtime and that there is plenty more classic car show season to go, just that we only get a few short months of it here in winter wonderland, as you see I'm a planner, maybe too much of a planner :rolleyes:

The only bright side of this, I might attend the automotive flea market this weekend, which I wasn't planning to attend, even though I don't have a classic car to buy stuff for, just simply for the atmosphere

Describing some of this conundrum to a friend, he just commented about taking life as it comes and taking life easy, I just struggle with that often, and perhaps my friend is right :rolleyes:
 
Maybe not necessarily "taking life as it comes," but going after what you want and then being grateful no matter what the result is, without the "if only" and "what if" and "could have" and "would have" and all that fun stuff.

Maybe that's what "taking life as it comes," means, I don't know. I imagined a person just sitting there and waiting. Maybe I was too literal. :eek:
 
Fino said:
Maybe not necessarily "taking life as it comes," but going after what you want and then being grateful no matter what the result is, without the "if only" and "what if" and "could have" and "would have" and all that fun stuff.

Maybe that's what "taking life as it comes," means, I don't know. I imagined a person just sitting there and waiting. Maybe I was too literal. :eek:
Click to expand...

Maybe...
 
Taking life as it comes - if only it were that simple for us. Not sure about you, but I tend to create my own conundrums. Change alone can be difficult to handle, and then adding so many other things to it. I'm speaking for myself here. I start thinking about every possibility, which often causes me to weasel out of things. Sometimes, I'm glad when there is a change because then I can use that as my excuse to weasel out of it. :)
Where are you planning to go on the field trip? Could the destination be changed TO the car show? Cars can make pretty good photo ops.
 
This is a problem I have struggled with at times. Perhaps it is common among Aspies. It might be more then one problem. That being attempting to control things and not liking changes. What has helped somewhat for me is accepting that much in life is not in my control and also trying hard to be more flexible in situations. Its ok to make plans. But better to try and make the most of what does occur rather then brooding over what didn't.
 
Changes in plans are hard to deal with. I find that I can deal with them better if I take a few minutes to think about the change and consciously decide to accept the change. It's kind of like I'm fooling my brain into thinking I decided to make the change. Sounds stupid when I say it that way, but it works for me.
 
Changes in plans are never fun. Still take things as they come. If there's a conflict do the thing you wish to do more.
 
Thanks for the responses, it's something I struggle with a lot and it's not going away...

From my perspective, I try to be a man of my word, if I made a promise (even with changing circumstances) it's still a promise...
 
I'm all too familiar with the struggles of living in the great white north. All the fun activities like car shows revolve around good weather that is sometimes hard to come by, and the season is too short as it is.

I find I have to plan things too. Everything needs a purpose. Even if means just driving around. My friends would want to cruise around in our cool cars when I was younger. I could never drive or be the leader, as if I didn't have a direction or a purpose, I couldn't just "cruise around".

But when I am able to just go and see what happens, I often have a good time and get in touch with myself. Like here, the weather finally started to shape up, so I took my new rustfree 30 year old wagon up to the bridge yesterday. My kind of classic car.

BridgeCruiser5-4-19.webp
 
So, I’m not the only one! I become paralyzed by plan making. I hope you pay yourself on the back for making it to one of the events, whatever it may be. Sometimes I spend so much energy on trying to make the right decision, that when the day arrives I feel “over it” and I’m disappointed when neither goal is accomplished.
Thank you for sharing your navigational journey, and I really mean it—! (Reward yourself for making a decision either way).

Sherlock77 said:
Maybe...
Click to expand...
 
As one life engineer to another,

I can understand how those well organised and perfectly fitting plans become messy and less appealing when changed by someone else.

It seems nothing settles into place as neatly as when we constructed the ideas.

You're already redesigning your plans to fit around the changes as any good engineer would :)

Taking life as it comes isn't about standing still and doing nothing about everything.

I think it's about adapting ones plans to fit with what's before us.

Of course we'll feel disappointed when changes affect our best laid plans, who wouldn't?
(I suspect 'our' best laid plans are meticulous down to the last detail - an awful lot of detail to change) disappointment would be par for the course.

After which we could use some of that awesome brain power to design a new or different way to rearrange the facts and our actions to best suit our desires.
(which you're already doing :) )
.
 
That sounds like one of those remarks that people use, but no one actually sticks to.

"Take life as it comes."

So basically do nothing but dodge the incoming arrows, and try to have a little bit of fun on the way.

That's basically for people who have given up on their lives in some way, or it's just a meaningless remark.

I find I gave up on expecting things in the past without realising it.

If I am going to have a meltdown, it's almost always because I had firms plans WITH STRONG EXPECTATIONS, and everything fell apart.

I can avoid this by taking life as it comes, and not having expectations, but the result is a life of being blown about by the wind with no purpose, control or destination in mind.

I've changed tack now.

Now I'm choosing my path, accepting the inevitable meltdowns and engineering life.

It's essential that we don't turn our backs on our passions and dreams, just because the past tells us that pursuit of them is painful.

So what if it's painful - letting life come as you in a flurry of arrows is painful too, and the apathy will surely kill you in the end.

Dream, plan, engineer. Take the arrows, take responsibility for your current situation and keep going.


I came across something by Will Smith today who said something like; "if someone hurts you, fixing the hurt is not their responsibility, it's yours. Don't look to others to find your own happiness, it's your responsibility and yours alone."
 
My take on "Take life as it comes" is that it's rather passive.
I've done this for more than 10 years.
My advice is don't do this.
Decide what you want in life, If you're not working towards these goals or Maintaining your health(physical, mental or social) you're wasting your time
 
Sitting in the parking lot of the park where the camera club field trip was going to happen... 40 minutes ago... No one else showed up... As the host for this field trip I am clearly a failure... Frustrated and missed an opportunity to sleep in a little for nothing!
 
Full Steam said:
If I am going to have a meltdown, it's almost always because I had firms plans WITH STRONG EXPECTATIONS, and everything fell apart.

I can avoid this by taking life as it comes, and not having expectations, but the result is a life of being blown about by the wind with no purpose, control or destination in mind.
Click to expand...

I've found a sort of happy medium with most things. I try to plan just tight enough to pull off whatever I'm doing, but loosely enough to prevent being totally at a loss when something invariably deviates from expectation. People are unpredictable, they WILL deviate, so I've learned to avoid getting any more detailed than I have to. Also, by considering possible changes or obstacles ahead of time, I have an idea of how to respond to them if they arise so I'm not caught flat footed, and I don't get so upset. Of course I can't plan for every contingency, but just narrowing down the likely scenarios in my mind and having an idea what to do in each goes a long way toward calming me, while still allowing me to take initiative and plan and execute things I want to do.

OP, sorry nobody showed up for your trip. I hope you got some nice pictures of the park, at least.
 
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