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Trashing people with different opinions

If I ended up being wrong or ended up hurting someone when I looked back and found it unjustified, I do generally feel bad about it, but most of the time I don't feel I'm wrong.

This has always been a danger area for me. Feeling that one is correct isn't the same thing as being correct. That feeling is not a logical response -- it's an emotional one, and it isn't rational behavior if one is losing friends over it.

I'm guilty of being like this, but I try to avoid it. My newer approach is to start by trying to find out why the other person believes what they do, with the expectation that even my firmest beliefs could be wrong.

I think there's also an element of bigotry involved. Should I expect people to forgive my blind spots in social (and other) situations, but then expect everyone to have perfect logical reasoning? This isn't right. Someone who makes "logical mistakes" (as I see logic) isn't less worthy of respect than someone who makes social mistakes.

In hindsight, I've been wrong many times, so this overwhelming feeling of being correct is likely the same kind of irrational emotional response that I'm accusing other people of having.

I really can't see things in other people's points of view, or even basically see where they are coming from, which is why I have a hard time accepting people as reasonable human beings worth respect when they differ that significantly from my values and opinions.

It's difficult to do when arguing with someone who doesn't play by the rules of logic, but I try to step back, ask questions, and relentlessly try to poke holes in my own opinions. Some possible outcomes:
  • I'll have a more nuanced opinion of the issue,
  • I'll change my mind about the subject, correcting some of my own reasoning errors,
  • or I'll have very effective responses to the next person who brings up that kind of argument
A suggestion: if you feel like the other person is so wrong that they are a "simple minded idiot" then step back and consider that your own behavior is exactly the thing that you're angry about -- an irrational, emotional response. If you don't feel like you're wrong, wait another 10 or 20 years and then you'll have a long list of experiences where you were 100% sure that you were correct, but weren't. :)

Those are some of the things that helped me reduce this problem for myself.
 
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