Told Boyfriend - But He Hasn't Said Anything Since

[Wolfnox]

Good luck.

 

[paloftoon]

We are 10+ years together, it's not just a matter of ignoring or breaking up with him. Also, I live with him and see him every day.

I'm actually afraid that the more I bring up this stuff, the more likely he is fed up with it all and breaks up with me. But in reality he usually ends up being more understanding about some things that I thought, it just depends.

I guess really this post is to vent but also to hear others opinions about whether it's okay that I'm uncomfortable by his touching. I guess with peer pressure from everyone and all I've been made to feel that if I'm in a relationship, I should be doing these things and making sure he's happy but how can I when I'm sensitive to these things? I'm not like other people and I feel pressured to be.

Basically it's not that I DON'T want to do things with him. It's that he has to go about it a different way that takes my sensitivities into consideration, otherwise I am just very uncomfortable and that builds up until I start hating being touched in any way. It might just be me but I'm afraid that people may think I've controlling in this situation, since I don't want him to touch/act certain ways toward me but deep down I feel like that isn't wrong for me to want him to change because I NEED him to or else I'm going to continue not wanting to be touched.

Well, it's mainly okay you're uncomfortable with his touching only if he's okay with it too. A lot of people get into a relationship because they want to be touched and be able to touch. This is something you need to indicate near/or at the beginning of the relationship. Since you may've waited so long, better late than never.

You keep saying you want him to change and that you need him. These two things are big problems. You get into a relationship because the other person complements you. You need to work on being able to fend for yourself and not depend on the other person to "fix" you and for you to "fix" the other person. It just doesn't work like that and if you're trying to do that, it doesn't work out well for a quality relationship.

I suggest you make plans for an exit plan to best manage your situation and what you would have to do if/when you do separate from your boyfriend. Also, consider a counselor. This could help both of you manage your issues and differences. Both of you need to be comfortable with each others' sensitivities and/or lack thereof.

 

[anxiety247]

Well, it's mainly okay you're uncomfortable with his touching only if he's okay with it too. A lot of people get into a relationship because they want to be touched and be able to touch. This is something you need to indicate near/or at the beginning of the relationship. Since you may've waited so long, better late than never.

You keep saying you want him to change and that you need him. These two things are big problems. You get into a relationship because the other person complements you. You need to work on being able to fend for yourself and not depend on the other person to "fix" you and for you to "fix" the other person. It just doesn't work like that and if you're trying to do that, it doesn't work out well for a quality relationship.

I suggest you make plans for an exit plan to best manage your situation and what you would have to do if/when you do separate from your boyfriend. Also, consider a counselor. This could help both of you manage your issues and differences. Both of you need to be comfortable with each others' sensitivities and/or lack thereof.

I don't mind being touched certain places, that's how our relationship started.

I've always been sensitive to being touched but mostly in certain places but I didn't exactly realize it until later on in the relationship. Then I felt like I was just being too sensitive about things and that I would get over it. I also thought that him doing these things were normal for a relationship for a long time.

This is the first time I've even ever brought it up to anyone else. I've kept it all inside and that's why I never realized how wrong it was.

 

[paloftoon]

I don't mind being touched certain places, that's how our relationship started.

I've always been sensitive to being touched but mostly in certain places but I didn't exactly realize it until later on in the relationship. Then I felt like I was just being too sensitive about things and that I would get over it. I also thought that him doing these things were normal for a relationship for a long time.

This is the first time I've even ever brought it up to anyone else. I've kept it all inside and that's why I never realized how wrong it was.

That's understandable. In this case, I think you need to tell him about your sudden discovery of your sense of touch and see if this is still a relationship that should be kept. If you two do break, you can try to be amicable about it rather than think that the other person is a bad person. I understand that such a change and transition would be difficult, but being able to level on physicality is important for a quality relationship.