I think I understand where some of this might be coming from. Without having all the social skills of a so-called "people person", the type of person people naturally gravitate towards, the type of person that has a large group of friends around them, what am I supposed to do in order to be accepted? If you can't be popular, be useful, be a resource, a mentor, an educator. Our department once had a fun little questionnaire as part of a team building exercise. One of the questions was, "If you and another person were stuck on a desert island, who would you choose to be the other person?" I was the overwhelming first choice, which surprised the heck out of me. The people in my department realized that in this situation, a popular person would not be the best choice for survival. A "useful" person with a broad range of knowledge, experience, and technical expertise would be.
So, there may be some truth to your quote, "...to be accepted, I have to accomplish more,..."
As far as being interpreted as rude, aloof, condescending, disrespectful, that is on you. Clearly, it may not be your intent, but this is how you are coming off to people. It is frustrating to deal with. I know, because for the first 10-15 years of my career, statements like this were on my annual peer reviews. Every year, the same thing. It literally affected my pay raises. It wasn't until I had enough, that I really focused upon my role as "the patient mentor and educator". I interacted with a calm, soothing, relaxed smile and persona, most especially with people who were frustrated and stressed. I played the role of a "loving and positive father figure" for my staff. I paused and worded things in a positive manner with people, whether it be face-to-face or an email. People changed their attitudes relatively quickly, albeit, it still took a few years to wipe away the previous version of me from their mind. A good chunk of my day is fielding questions from my co-workers.
As far as the love and relationship difficulties, many women are seeking a partner who have the characteristics of a good father, a good provider, and a good lover. Again, if you lack all the "social graces", you have to compensate with proving your "usefulness" by accomplishing more. I sense this is where I am at. If I can't be that romantic, charming, conversationalist, then I had better step it up in other areas.
Kevin, I have responded to many of your threads, mainly because what you express are the sorts of things that remind me of myself when I was younger. When everyone else seems to interpret your words in different ways, I seem to be able to understand where you are coming from. It hits home. In many ways, you're a younger version of me.
Take care.
