Tips for dealing with the city?

[Knower of nothing]

Hi, I have been a shut-in for up to 6 years now. I have become rather sensitive to being outside among the public, moreso now than I used to be for usual ASD reasons.
I'll be going to the city by train this weekend to help my sister move some furniture. It's been years since I've used a train or been to the city, so I no longer really know what to prepare for.
I won't be traveling alone (or it wouldn't happen), my brother is coming along.
Other than the generic social phobia the major discomforts I have trouble with are unpredictability and being rushed. I can largely handle noise and have access to music.
Anything in particular you think I should keep in mind or bring with or what not?

 

[GafferGragz]

In general, people are much nicer than they are in my fears.

Good luck

 

[Raggamuffin]

Maybe headphones might help.

Ed

 

[Forest Cat]

You need a can of mace and a bullhorn.

I`m just kidding, I lived in the city for a long time and I did not like it at all. Good luck with your trip.

 

[Atrapa Almas]

I moved from a 20k people town to Mexico City some years ago before knowing ASD even existed. Is was (and still is) quite stressing.

• Walks in parks are great.
• Libraries, museums and "quiet" places can be search.
• I do more "in house life" now.
• I found that music, podcasts were better than the city sounds.
• At home, I tried some virtual reality relaxing games on my oculus and they worked too.
• You can also be aware of wich hours are less crowded, and plan on that.
• If you have very good smell sense you can try to carry some essence oil that you like.
• Take advance of what cities have to offer that may be related to your interests or curiosities: museums, spas, special shops, foods from that country you dream to visit, some activities or classes you may atend, ...
• Remember to be aware of your enery and rest/sleep/disconect when you feel its appropiate.
• If you have not tried mindfulness, it may be a good place to try. There are very good Apps on any modern phone.

Over the years it has become easier but I still go out of the city to quiet places when I can, and it feels great.

I hope that you will have a good experience.

 

[Streetwise]

Hi, I have been a shut-in for up to 6 years now. I have become rather sensitive to being outside among the public, moreso now than I used to be for usual ASD reasons.
I'll be going to the city by train this weekend to help my sister move some furniture. It's been years since I've used a train or been to the city, so I no longer really know what to prepare for.
I won't be traveling alone (or it wouldn't happen), my brother is coming along.
Other than the generic social phobia the major discomforts I have trouble with are unpredictability and being rushed. I can largely handle noise and have access to music.
Anything in particular you think I should keep in mind or bring with or what not?

Phone the station ahead and tell them you're disabled ,they might have the time to help ,if you do it now ,everything is very stressful now, but as @Altrapa Almas says practice breathing ,think about your sister and your bond with her ,its the social distancing that's different but its not bad for us ,think(&picture) about the day after your journey to the city you've missed the first months of social distancing they were annoying .

 

[Knower of nothing]

Thanks for all the responses everyone!
I got an update, my stepdad also happens to need to go to the city for something so he'll drive me straight to her place. I'll still be taking the train on the way back but I do believe the process of leaving will allow for greater focus (as I get to go home) and will probably be less scary. Once at her place I have no intention to leave to go anywhere so while I appreciate the suggestions for parks and museums, it's a little too early for me. I can't stress enough that the public space is something I try to avoid as much as possible (for now, it's a work in progres).

Phone the station ahead and tell them you're disabled ,they might have the time to help ,if you do it now ,everything is very stressful now, but as @Altrapa Almas says practice breathing ,think about your sister and your bond with her ,its the social distancing that's different but its not bad for us ,think(&picture) about the day after your journey to the city you've missed the first months of social distancing they were annoying .

This sounds good. I'll treat it how I used to treat that part of rollercoasters where you are slowly pulled up to the top. Breathing, silent endurance and thoughts of elsewhere haha. Calling anywhere is a bit above my level and the extra attention freaks me out, so I'll try slip by as is.

 

[Aspychata]

You are getting out. That is success alone. If you chose not to go anywhere, hey no problem. I get from your post that this a big deal for you. Maybe it will be a tab less stressful. I did get very stressed when l went out. But l noticed over time it had less effect on me. I still hear the noise, but l have become desensitized finally. I carry my purse directly in front of me to avert pickpockets and l am extremely careful in where l fill up gas. Once l turned way older, l am super conscious where and how l do things because you need to be realistic about predatory behaviors. I actually Googled the state l live in, and we have the highest number of felons out of all the states. Some of the reason l workout at the gym, so l don't appear frail.

 

[Atrapa Almas]

You are getting out. That is success alone. If you chose not to go anywhere, hey no problem. I get from your post that this a big deal for you. Maybe it will be a tab less stressful. I did get very stressed when l went out. But l noticed over time it had less effect on me. I still hear the noise, but l have become desensitized finally. I carry my purse directly in front of me to avert pickpockets and l am extremely careful in where l fill up gas. Once l turned way older, l am super conscious where and how l do things because you need to be realistic about predatory behaviors. I actually Googled the state l live in, and we have the highest number of felons out of all the states. Some of the reason l workout at the gym, so l don't appear frail.

Doing sport is great, I get bored in gyms but I do like the structure of martial arts. And its always nice having a B plan if all my NonViolent Communication fails.

 

[Alexej]

Suggest that you have some plan for what to do if it all gets too much - some ideas here are good - like go to a coffee shop and chill a bit, or go to a park.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

Sometimes cities can be quite overwhelming. I live in a rural area now, though enjoy getting into a city like Chicago for its museums and cultural activities. Sometimes even with crowds I would enjoy events. I used to participate in Bike the Drive, when Lakeshore drive was closed to traffic and turned over to cyclists. Last time I rode there was 25,000 cyclists. It was like a moving party and I would deck out my recumbent trike with inflatable dinosaurs and sometimes let kids I passed, pick one.

 

[Owliet]

I live near a city, so unfortunately I have to take steps to be able to handle it without being overwhelmed.

1) Know what overwhelms you and be aware of the stages of your anxiety. You can always go somewhere safe, like a park, to take a moment and reset.
2) public transport is a pain and is often noisy and busy because people don’t understand to chill. Take yourself on the times that are less busy if you can. Don’t travel at peak times, travel around at times that will be less crowded. I once had to go to another city once and this is what I did. On the way back it was unfortunate that it was not possible but if it’s available to you, find a seat that you feel is secure and won’t be where the main crowd is. Most Busy seating is usually at the middle, or at the back. It is hardly ever at the front if a train. If your train allows you, book a seat. Sit close to where there is a map to show the stops. Focus with that. Keep music on in your ears to boot out the other noise just enough. If someone is with you, have them sit next to you. If you need the window seat, have them sit next to you or facing you.
3)If you go somewhere, have a plan to get there. Know your route. Have this as a focus.

I would deck out my recumbent trike with inflatable dinosaurs and sometimes let kids I passed, pick one.

That sounds amazing.

 

[Streetwise]

@Knower of nothing please tell me what the train journey was like ^-^ I've been gradually contemplating a British railway station ,I haven't been on a train for 21 years ,been in a car last year but it will trigger me if I say more

 

[SusanLR]

I have to drive in the city all the time even though I live away from it in the edges of the country.
I've never gotten used to the going somewhere and fear a trigger or panic attack.
Used to be I had family that would go with me. Now I don't.
The person I live with sometimes goes with me in the car, but, not always.
I have to mask around him. I don't want him to know how bad it can get.

Having something to focus on is the biggest help.
If I feel I'm going to panic, I have relaxation techniques I focus on. Keeps my mind from wandering.
Coming home is always better.
It's like a sigh of relief that I made it and it's over.

So I think using a train coming back will not be as stressful as going would be.
Really glad you have someone to be with you.
I wouldn't go it alone either.
Quite times and plan where to go to detach and renew if you start feeling too stressed out.
You can do it!

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

I have to drive in the city all the time even though I live away from it in the edges of the country.
I've never gotten used to the going somewhere and fear a trigger or panic attack.
Used to be I had family that would go with me. Now I don't.
The person I live with sometimes goes with me in the car, but, not always.
I have to mask around him. I don't want him to know how bad it can get.

Having something to focus on is the biggest help.
If I feel I'm going to panic, I have relaxation techniques I focus on. Keeps my mind from wandering.
Coming home is always better.
It's like a sigh of relief that I made it and it's over.

So I think using a train coming back will not be as stressful as going would be.
Really glad you have someone to be with you.
I wouldn't go it alone either.
Quite times and plan where to go to detach and renew if you start feeling too stressed out.
You can do it!

Driving in city traffic always stressed me out, so I enjoyed it when I had the opportunity to commute by train. At the time I lived in a suburb of Chicago less than a mile away from the station and worked from an Office right above Union Station. I enjoyed the ride as a chance to relax, just being in the moment as the world flowed past. I don't know the dynamics in other areas, but the value of houses in communities that had a train station were higher than those that didn't.

 

[Knower of nothing]

It is over. 5 hour trip total, was nauseous for most of the day haha
Turns out they were doing construction at the rails so stepdad had to drive us back anyway, all the anticipation for nothing, but a relief for me. Wore my headphones in the car, focused on the furniture moving while there, then just hung out inside. Smooth going. Not relaxed, but smooth. I'm definitely taking a people break for a while now though.

I have to drive in the city all the time...

This sounds very much like me. I'm from a small town on the outskirts of Belgium. At least my immediate family is entirely aware of my issues so no masking needed (not sure I can even pull any pretense off nowadays). Though it is consistently embarrassing in a way to have to rely on them so much for simple things.
I'd like to thank everyone again for the advice, though not applicable this time it probably won't be the last time I'll have to go there.

 

[Nick12]

just be yourself and relax i wish you a verry verry verry happy trip and i also wish you a verry verry happy day filled with sunshine and rainbows