Thought of killing myself when I was 17

[Markness]

When I was 17, I had an unrequited love spell with an online friend and was distraught that I was approaching 18 but still hadn’t had a date yet. It made me feel like I was never going to find “the one” and I visualized myself putting a gun to my head to shoot my brains out of my skull.

I am turning 34 and I still don’t have a girlfriend, I still can’t get a date, and my life doesn’t ever change no matter what I do. I often feel like I should have just carried out the scenario I visualized physically.

 

[Slime_Punk]

Not saying this to be mean or anything, but maybe you need to talk to a professional. That's serious stuff.

 

[Thinx]

Try a life coach, maybe. They are more proactive than therapists. Therapy is useful if you are already motivated and find it possible to take actions that helpfully change your situation. A life coach or a motivational helper would help you get to that point, with specific questions about your needs and helpful goal setting tailored to your needs. This would seem to be a more worthwhile investment than therapy for you.

 

[Leo Zed]

I thought that I should chime in here as I have struggled with a lot of depression. I think @Silhouette Mirage has a good point.

…I am turning 34 and I still don’t have a girlfriend, I still can’t get a date, and my life doesn’t ever change no matter what I do...

Sometimes when we feel depressed, we look for a logical reason for why we feel this way. I think that it could be your mood that telling you that “my life doesn’t ever change no matter what I do.” I have been there many times only to realize that it was my depression that was influencing my thoughts. I think that once you get control over your mood, you will realize that your life can change. I think you should take @Silhouette Mirage’s recommendation. You are young and still have the potential to do a lot with your life.

 

[Leo Zed]

Try a life coach, maybe. They are more proactive than therapists. Therapy is useful if you are already motivated and find it possible to take actions that helpfully change your situation. A life coach or a motivational helper would help you get to that point, with specific questions about your needs and helpful goal setting tailored to your needs. This would seem to be a more worthwhile investment than therapy for you.

I am not familiar with life coaches, but this sounds like a good idea as well. If one approach doesn’t work, there always other options.

 

[Aspychata]

I remember being distraught because l hadn't been on a date for years. Even woman can go thru this. So l threw myself at a guy, and it was unsatisfactory for me. And l was sorry l did it. After that l was quite satisfied to be single. This story doesn't help you but l just hope you see all of us hit the empty zone in life. So go on a dating web site. Ask someone in a store for a date. Go to the gym and talk to someone, she may have a shy daughter. Some guy has taken a billboard and it says 1800-cal-Dave. Guys have done things like this because they have the same luck. Guys take out ads in magazines. Why don't start a dating post here. @Markness Date Post, everyday you report what you did to try to get a date. Everybody you talked to.

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

I actually planned to kill myself one day in class and almost did it but I couldn’t go through with it. The thing that bothers me the most is that I just stood there for twenty minutes holding what I was considering to use to do it and literally no one noticed me. Not one person tried to see if I was okay or even tell the teacher that I was acting very strangely and just standing there staring at what I had wanted to use to kill myself.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

my life doesn’t ever change no matter what I do.

So, have you questioned why you do not change what you are doing?

Every one of us in a relationship can describe the rough times we have had in finding somebody compatible. It must have taken me about 6 tries and one failed relationship to finally succeed. It was an emotional roller coaster. Yet in all of this, and while I chose my spouse once we met IRL, she also chose me. To have this happen:
You need an attitude adjustment. If you express yourself to women the way you write here they will see you as toxic.
You need to like yourself. Convince yourself that you are an interesting person and be able to express it to others.
You need to engage with women. Put yourself out there to interest somebody. Understand that you will face rejection because a woman may decide that you are not compatible. Move on.
Demonstrate that you have a life of your own independent of your parents. There is truth to the meme of "failure to launch." I think serious women do not find dependent man-boys attractive. Especially at your age.
And, for crisesakes, don't come across as needy. No woman wants a black hole of need

 

[Au Naturel]

I thought very seriously about suicide when I was 17. Actually every age from about 10 to 18. But 17 and 18 were when I was closest. I fall apart emotionally and nothing seemed to help. My future looked bleak and hopeless. I felt worthless and perverse. I came vanishingly close to dead. But when I left for college, although I failed miserably in my frosh year, little things happened that kept me going and gave me little blips of endorphin and dopamine along the way. And when I finally left home for good, many of the stressors that left me so despondent went away. I did stay clinically depressed off and on for most of the rest of my life but not unbearably so and Prozac was a big help.

Seventeen is a tough age. You can't just go out and get counseling on your own (at least I couldn't) and your parents may be completely uncomprehending of what you are feeling. I want to shoot whoever coined the phrase "This is the happiest time of your life!" It was just the deepest depression I've ever experienced.

And being just 17, you have no perspective to look back on. That perspective allows you to understand where other people were coming from and how I contributed to my own grief. which makes a big difference. The years and a lot of thought have allowed me to develop a philosophy I can live by - a homemade blend of existentialism, Stoicism, Epicureanism, and Zen.

Sometimes just starting over in a new place is a big help. Sometimes you need to start over a few times to apply the lessons you learned the last time. The important thing is to accept the lessons or you won't learn from them. There are always lessons to be learned.

 

[Thinx]

Please do respond to us here in your thread, @Markness, that's what takes ideas and understanding further, if you respond with your thoughts or questions, not shutting down the other person by assuming they may be critical of you, or just by your silence. It's good to engage here, and to follow up the ideas from others, if you can. It's your choice though, of course.

 

[Markness]

Not saying this to be mean or anything, but maybe you need to talk to a professional. That's serious stuff.

I have a counselor.

 

[Thinx]

Mmm I know because you have said, that you have a counsellor, I hope that's supportive for you, you have been seeing them or maybe a variety of counsellors over many years I think? but it's good to try different approaches too. Like a motivational coach? Or other supportive ideas?

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

So, have you questioned why you do not change what you are doing?

Every one of us in a relationship can describe the rough times we have had in finding somebody compatible. It must have taken me about 6 tries and one failed relationship to finally succeed. It was an emotional roller coaster. Yet in all of this, and while I chose my spouse once we met IRL, she also chose me. To have this happen:
You need an attitude adjustment. If you express yourself to women the way you write here they will see you as toxic.
You need to like yourself. Convince yourself that you are an interesting person and be able to express it to others.
You need to engage with women. Put yourself out there to interest somebody. Understand that you will face rejection because a woman may decide that you are not compatible. Move on.
Demonstrate that you have a life of your own independent of your parents. There is truth to the meme of "failure to launch." I think serious women do not find dependent man-boys attractive. Especially at your age.
And, for crisesakes, don't come across as needy. No woman wants a black hole of need

That last remark, was bang on which what I did not have when I met her at 25 she was just over twenty one. she really liked my attitude, called her previous boy friends losers I was worthy of having kids with. that's mainly what they look for. I had a crappy job, I put a plan together got her into a better job. She could tell I had plans for myself. Now 40 years latter she has multiple college diplomas paid for by her company, she changed my life like I changed hers. you have to give not just take like they owe you something. Gerald is right take it from us we have both been married over 40 years.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

That last remark, was bang on which what I did not have when I met her at 25 she was just over twenty one. she really liked my attitude, called her previous boy friends losers I was worthy of having kids with. that's mainly what they look for. I had a crappy job, I put a plan together got her into a better job. She could tell I had plans for myself. Now 40 years latter she has multiple college diplomas paid for by her company, she changed my life like I changed hers. you have to give not just take like they owe you something. Gerald is right take it from us we have both been married over 40 years.

I like your attitude towards marriage. For us, we were already mutually supportive, and that is what it takes in any relationship, so our marriage seemed like a natural progression. The nice part was the care we had for each other that allowed us to have confidence to be our best. How else could I have the guts to move from Detroit to Chicago to be with her without a guranteed job six months after we met. But, we had stress tested ourselves before then with everything from a terrible start to our first road trip to winter camping for XC-skiing. Plus, she has made certain that I stay healthy, which is great as we remain active in the outdoors

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

She had my back many time's even when I lost jobs , including a six month strike, next time I got onto the negotiating committee. My buddy refers to it as wife-fare. We a plant negotiated close out agreement a few years later. I had super seniority, I Gave it back the company. i got offered a lab job in another plant a few months latter landed a better position else where the next day. Nothing ventured nothing gained just Be your self the women will notice and so will every one else. Nice guys do not finish last.

 

[grommet]

When I was 17, I had an unrequited love spell with an online friend and was distraught that I was approaching 18 but still hadn’t had a date yet. It made me feel like I was never going to find “the one” and I visualized myself putting a gun to my head to shoot my brains out of my skull.

I am turning 34 and I still don’t have a girlfriend, I still can’t get a date, and my life doesn’t ever change no matter what I do. I often feel like I should have just carried out the scenario I visualized physically.

I have felt that way many times. I did not have a girlfriend until I was 42. It was wonderful, everything I had always imagined and wanted. We were together for eight years and I found out everything about relationships.

For decades I felt awful because I could not get a date, never a girlfriend. I saw so many men with girlfriends I could not figure it out. It took a long time for me to realize it was because I was autistic and I did not understand social cues well and I was not polite or nice in a way that makes women feel good.

I have no advice for you I just want you to feel better. I hope something nice happens

 

[Misery]

I've said this before, @Markness , and I'm going to say it for the billionth time:

Until you can change your attitude and stop telling yourself these negative things, your situation is not going to change. Period.

Again, people around you (particularly NTs) can sense when you've got that negative aura going. Speaking from experience here. And when they spot that... they're going to keep their distance. They dont want to deal with someone who is just going to be a walking rain cloud.

And I guarantee you: Even if you THINK you're hiding it when around others... you arent. You're too far into that pit of despair to be able to hide it. It IS showing.

So... stop being that rain cloud. Get out of the pit. Just. Bloody. DO IT.

You keep doing this, repeating this, over and over... this same cycle, the same sort of posts... I dont know what you expect to change when you wont make the necessary alterations in order to meet the conditions for the change you want.

Also a counselor, or someone giving advice, or whatever, isnt going to be enough. YOU have to make that change. Nobody here, nobody elsewhere, can do it for you.

At some point I WILL get this through to you. I'm not going to give up on you, so neither should you.

 

[Crossbreed]

The OP is a self-fulfilling prophecy. Your desperation makes you less desirable.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

I've said this before, @Markness , and I'm going to say it for the billionth time:

Until you can change your attitude and stop telling yourself these negative things, your situation is not going to change. Period.

Again, people around you (particularly NTs) can sense when you've got that negative aura going. Speaking from experience here. And when they spot that... they're going to keep their distance. They dont want to deal with someone who is just going to be a walking rain cloud.

And I guarantee you: Even if you THINK you're hiding it when around others... you arent. You're too far into that pit of despair to be able to hide it. It IS showing.

So... stop being that rain cloud. Get out of the pit. Just. Bloody. DO IT.

You keep doing this, repeating this, over and over... this same cycle, the same sort of posts... I dont know what you expect to change when you wont make the necessary alterations in order to meet the conditions for the change you want.

Also a counselor, or someone giving advice, or whatever, isnt going to be enough. YOU have to make that change. Nobody here, nobody elsewhere, can do it for you.

At some point I WILL get this through to you. I'm not going to give up on you, so neither should you.

So very true. At 25 I was a living example of what you are trying to tell Markness. I was wallowing in loneliness and negativity and nothing was changing in my life except for some success in my research. Yet, I did not even know what autism was. I was so desperate for change that I did the only things open to me; unabashedly enjoying my interests, learning to be social, and digging deep to change myself. That is when life started to change for me.

 

[Fino]

I used to think a relationship was the most important thing there was and when someone broke up with me, I would either self-harm, overdose, or attempt suicide, which is why I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. Between the ages of 12 and 26, I was desperately suicidal and all I accomplished was to cause myself excruciating pain again and again. Now, I have no interest in having a relationship and don't expect I ever will.