Thinking about telling a girl I have feelings for her. Advise needed as it’s complicated.

[Wolfnox]

True. She may have become "gunshy" socially speaking since those unfortunate experiences. Making your objective that much more difficult. I can see how that would be a "complication".

Should I take that she mentioned it to me and one other family member as a sign of trust?
It was months after.

 

[Wolfnox]

Proceed with confidence, authenticity, and hope! Why not? See what happens!

Kinda my thoughts.

 

[Judge]

Should I take that she mentioned it to me and one other family member as a sign of trust?
It was months after.

I would. Yet from what you have told me, it seems clear that she's been reticent to socialize. Hard to tell (if at all) whether she's ready. Meaning you may have to move at a much slower pace and be very patient with her.

 

[The_Walrus]

Assuming you have some privacy (i.e. you're not putting her on the spot in front of a room full of people waiting for a haircut)...
"To be honest, I really like how [direct] you are, and I'd like to spend more time with you. Would you like to go on a date with me?"
Don't "confess your feelings" - that's pointless and unlikely to work. Ask her out. But be gracious if she says no.

 

[Wolfnox]

I would. Yet from what you have told me, it seems clear that she's been reticent to socialize. Hard to tell (if at all) whether she's ready. Meaning you may have to move at a much slower pace and be very patient with her.

Agreed. It’s been 2 years since she told us.
Primary reason I wanted to move forward with telling her is the communication issue. But, tactfully so I don’t put her in a corner. While leave room for her to refuse.

 

[Wolfnox]

Assuming you have some privacy (i.e. you're not putting her on the spot in front of a room full of people waiting for a haircut)...

That’s been the hang up.

 

[The_Walrus]

In that case, try something slightly less direct - invite her for coffee rather than saying "a date".

 

[Wolfnox]

I’ve been thinking on this. I think I’m going to let this pass. Not tell her. There’s just not a lot there to work with. Maybe some interest. But, with not being able to communicate by phone or cellphone. Since I don’t have her number. I don’t think it would work out. I’m going to take that as a firm no.
She’s happy anyway. That’s enough.
The feelings will pass away eventually.

 

[Wolfnox]

If they don’t I’ll just keep them deep.

 

[Wolfnox]

UPDATE:


I went for another haircut just yesterday. It was just her and me. We talked about this and that. She’s a Star Trek fan. That’s something new. I asked here a bit later if she was dating anyone. She said no and that she was happy being single since the break up two years back. That no one could tell her what to do or where to go. She likes to drink and smoke cigarettes.
I didn’t mention anything about liking her. Just small talked a bit more.
The smoking is a deal breaker anyway. I can’t be around it much the effect on my allergies and sinuses are horrendous.

 

[Rodafina]

Thanks for the update, Wolfnox. I think that’s why it’s really good to continue to get to know people more and more before we jump into anything. Sometimes you learn things that change the attraction.

 

[Wolfnox]

Thanks for the update, Wolfnox. I think that’s why it’s really good to continue to get to know people more and more before we jump into anything. Sometimes you learn things that change the attraction.

Yeah. I had that thinking from the start. Just needed to make sure I wasn’t making a mistake by not telling.
Nothing lost.