Things that sabotaged me in terms of romance and more

[Markness]

I disagree with your position that men "have to be far more social than women". Both men and women need to be social to increase their odds of meeting someone. Both genders have to get out of their homes and make themselves available to meet other people.

My only person I keep in contact from high school is a woman and she suffers from depression like I do for a lot of the same reasons. She is married and has children but she still struggles socially.

 

[Mary Terry]

My only person I keep in contact from high school is a woman and she suffers from depression like I do for a lot of the same reasons. She is married and has children but she still struggles socially.

Your friendship probably matters a lot to her, Markness. A whole lot!

 

[Steelbookcollector217]

the last quarter of 2024 was very rough for me, 3 negative things have occured to me, some people say that bad things happen in 3's.

 

[Markness]

Your friendship probably matters a lot to her, Markness. A whole lot!

Here’s the surprising part: We didn’t interact much in high school. We knew each other and sometimes talked, mostly during lunch hour, but never hung out after school unless you count AIM chat rooms. However, she later on reached out to me in the last decade and we started communicating more regularly.

 

[honeytoast]

Here’s the surprising part: We didn’t interact much in high school. We knew each other and sometimes talked, mostly during lunch hour, but never hung out after school unless you count AIM chat rooms. However, she later on reached out to me in the last decade and we started communicating more regularly.

That happened to me when I graduated high school. I wasn't super close friends with a girl in my class, but we interacted a bit. Then we started talking a lot more on Facebook. Since I deleted it a few years ago, I haven't heard from her.

 

[Mary Terry]

Here’s the surprising part: We didn’t interact much in high school. We knew each other and sometimes talked, mostly during lunch hour, but never hung out after school unless you count AIM chat rooms. However, she later on reached out to me in the last decade and we started communicating more regularly.

Markness - It is this, your qualities of friendship and kindness, that tells me what an excellent partner you will make for some lucky woman. You're a good man.

 

[Jonn]

I just read this, and I agree completely.
I didn't want to start a new thread, so I am posting this here:

I don't mean that women consciously think: "autism? Gross!" It's more the case that they turned off by attributes that are common in autism, like social awkwardness or lack of self esteem. I've heard many women share that what turned them off from some guy was that he was awkward.

I've often heard: "you have to be confident. Women like men with confidence." Everyone says that as if one could simply choose to be confident like it was magic. When someone has spent his entire life being told that everything he does or says is wrong or unacceptable, how do expect that person to "just have confidence"? Furthermore, even when an autistic person is feeling confident, we will not express that in the same way ballistic people do or expect others to. When I feel confident, I go around grinning like an idiot, and/or get carried away info dumping about some topic nobody else cares about. And sure enough, the result is always that I get socially penalized for it in one way or another. And, surprise of surprises, that leaves me not wanting to repeat the experience.

Is also like to add that this affects men in particular much more than women. To be clear, I don't mean to say that women on the spectrum don't face many challenges and even danger in many way. But in this very specific aspect, men do not care if women are shy, quiet, or awkward; they'll still approach them regardless. This simply does not work the other way around.

 

[Kayla55]

I just read this, and I agree completely.
I didn't want to start a new thread, so I am posting this here:

I went on few dates with guys (never got to sex) dumped for not being cool enough to show to friends.
Then there's all woman who confused as hell for being unemotional or bad mothers who diagnose with their kids???
Then low functioning girls who are disabled girls who can't change after their period, and occasionally even disabled girls get pregnant so if that's compliment then heck,
It's not the girls fault you have autism, women are not to blame for men's problems same way guys say PM's is not their problem, so be half man and don't take it out on the girls.

 

[Jonn]

so be half man and don't take it out on the girls.

I am not a man.
I identify as a koala "bear".

I am not taking it out on anyone.
I am merely presenting the Truth as I see it.
I find it odd that you can't see that.

 

[Kayla55]

I am not a man.
I identify as a koala "bear".

I am not taking it out on anyone.
I am merely presenting the Truth as I see it.
I find it odd that you can't see that.

Many Asperger's woman are not popular and end up with men who are not readily rateable, borderline abusive....is that cool?
Being unspokenly treated like bad incubator with school referral for disability diagnosis....is that not ultimate humiliation?
For better half most women just have sex to shut him up, so where's fun in that.
Many Asperger's females actually desired not get married, have children so if that's benefit, how?
Most young Asperger's girls get used for sex as simple minded and end up with issues trusting another boyfriend for fear he leave for girl who more spontaneous when gets what he wants, only man can think a girl enjoys or is that desperate to loose virginity.

I'm not saying the movie: 40 year old virgin isn't bad, just saying don't think women are too happy, either.
So as long as this isn't another we have rights to sexually exploit females thread and gather to justify blame women COOL
We do need a cure, I know mostly I don't like way NT behave but autism has less positives than negatives.

Suppose you'd have to be born women to understand how sexist attitude, rude jokes and being used for sex is not complimentary.

 

[Kayla55]

I'm not joking many disabled (as in care facilities) females end up in sick bay, eventually with signs morning sickness doctors finally administer pregnancy tests. You wouldn't expect low functioning or disabled girls to like wonder how they had sex in first place?

Lot of problems with God's creation, it's less than perfect. Unless of course all bad things uncreated by devil then we left to understand this.

 

[Jonn]

Many Asperger's woman are not popular and end up with men who are not readily rateable, borderline abusive....is that cool?

This happens in NT/NT relationships, too.
It is not black and white.

Being unspokenly treated like bad incubator with school referral for disability diagnosis....is that not ultimate humiliation?

Many Aspie women have gone under the radar because their characteristics are more difficult to detect.
An introverted female tends to be more socially accepted.

For better half most women just have sex to shut him up, so where's fun in that.

Women who are not interested in sex have the option to remain single.
Society has changed for the better here.

But you are making my argument for me.
Sex is usually a bigger factor in a relationship for men, particularly at a certain stage in life.
They have been designed that way through no fault of their own.
Blame the evolutionary process.

I have pointed this out many times before
To me, it is self-evident. <shrug>

Many Asperger's females actually desired not get married, have children so if that's benefit, how?

Their valid choice.
I am a male (koala) and have always been an anti-natalist.
As I said, not a big issue these days.

Most young Asperger's girls get used for sex as simple minded and end up with issues trusting another boyfriend

"Most" may simply be your opinion.
If you have studies adding to this view, I'd like to see it.
But then, any naive young person is susceptible to "bad actors", be they male or female, on or off the spectrum.

for fear he leave for girl who more spontaneous when gets what he wants, only man can think a girl enjoys or is that desperate to loose virginity.

Sex is one of the main reasons for social interaction.
It is usually at the heart of romantic relationships initially and unconsciously.
Richard Dawkins wrote a book called "The Selfish Gene", which gives insight into this.

I'm not saying the movie: 40 year old virgin isn't bad, just saying don't think women are too happy, either.

"Happiness is overrated, imo.
If you have been following my posts in the past, you will see that I am not a "bliss-seeker", which is probably why I haven't engaged in illicit or legal drugs.
My focus is on emotional stability, something that is often missing in a significant-other relationship.

So as long as this isn't another we have rights to sexually exploit females thread and gather to justify blame women COOL

Speaking about my posts:
I have made it amply clear that it is not my position.
Nothing I have said hints at this.
Simply observing the Truth does not mean there is any narrative involved from my side.
"The Truth is never politically incorrect."

We do need a cure, I know mostly I don't like way NT behave but autism has less positives than negatives.

I would like a cure for the comorbidities that being on the spectrum attracts.

Suppose you'd have to be born women to understand how sexist attitude, rude jokes and being used for sex is not complimentary.

"Men should not speak for women...
And women should not speak for men..."

 

[Steelbookcollector217]

yup, the older a person is and has never dated, never been in a relationship before, the older a person is and they are like that, the more likely that person is male.

 

[Xinyta]

1. My older brother constantly had the social spotlight and I was often in his shadow. We were regularly compared but he was generally favored because he fit the expectations of what young males in Texas often got. Myself? Being shy, introverted, and having my own interests did not go well for me.

2. The few male friends I had either didn’t have sisters or female cousins, their sisters/female cousins were much older than I was, or I never really got to interact with them on my own. Most of the people my parents associated with also usually only had sons and no nieces. Even my therapist has told me she was disappointed she didn’t have a niece to introduce me to.

3. My parents were, and still are, control freaks. They both regretted having children and actually discouraged both my siblings and I from ever having families of our own. But they especially stressed this outlook onto me.

4. I struggled socially in the schools I was made to go to and both schools were limited in terms of demographics. I am also an outsider in the culture I live in.

5. I’ve actually lost female friends when they got boyfriends. Their boyfriends would disallow them to have male friends and they would for some reason go along with that demand.

Victimhood is a heck of a drug, @Markness.

I say this as someone who has also played the victim myself(and still is fighting the urge to fall back to it). It's not going to feel that way, for someone who feels kicked down by the world. That everything is going to feel like it truly IS against you. But here is the the trick to this.

YOUR BRAIN LIES.

Does this mean that the things you experienced are not real? No. But it does mean that you've taken things personally. That each negative response. Each discouraging opinion. Each aggressive approach. It all feels like everyone is out for your blood. I get this feeling. But it's untrue.

The reality is. What your parents did to you and your siblings. They would do to anyone else, if they were their kid.

There will be exclusionary social cliques in school and in life, with or without you being present.

There will be overly possessive boyfriends/husbands in a girl's/women's life which will affect friendships and relationships. This'll happen whether you are there or not.

Humanity is flawed. Being human is both a painful and yet enlightening journey.

But getting stuck in only the painful things and endlessly staring in the rearview mirror of life. This will never accomplish anything.

Don't listen to your parents' miserable ramblings. Don't compare yourself to other's lives and successes. Don't live the lie that the world is against you specifically.

The world, in one way or another, is against everyone in some capacity. But it's all the more reason to see the good and the hopeful things, in the sludge and bitterness of life on earth.

We are human. Nothing can change that. But don't let other's lives drag down your own. Or you will never escape the endless cycle of turmoil you set yourself in.

 

[Kayla55]

I just read this, and I agree completely.
I didn't want to start a new thread, so I am posting this here:

Hence my healthy eating, gut microbes. I'm, won't cure autism but those days I'm better driver, readily able leave house and be more outgoing. We all in this autism boat with our problems, my attention aimed at getting my boys to be their best. I'm worried about my health and their independence is pushing me to find solutions such vit A as retinol for endocrine and folate for speech improvement.
All bad snacks and junk food are now off limits and whilst seem I should have boyfriend to carry me further and lift a lot it comes with own unique set issues, so I choose to battle on on our budget.
We always think others have it better but everyone has their quirks and problems, however as mom's I don't have option to wallow in self pity and survival is first key objective.

 

[Kayla55]

"Men should not speak for women...
And women should not speak for men..."

Many Aspie women have gone under the radar because their characteristics are more difficult to detect.
An introverted female tends to be more socially accepted.

Women who are not interested in sex have the option to remain single.
Society has changed for the better here.

I'm, firstly women going under the radar is probably conditioning, as in women just nodded and agree with what men say so learning to be quiet saved me from endlessly being thrown down the stairs. It's like I said female singers don't have achievements or character they must mimic what is sexy, this isn't always satisfying with Asperger females as we tend to have ideas that go against the grain.

Women who are not interested in sex have the option to remain single.
Society has changed for the better here.

But you are making my argument for me.
Sex is usually a bigger factor in a relationship for men, particularly at a certain stage in life.

nope, many societies are not liberal to need to have trump band, women were not living as feminists, not really tolerated. From Italy to Catholic mother's keeping family together, etc. I'm in South Africa and it's male backward dominated to where mostly black women manage to get into male industries, my career in IT was a fight. Mostly women are not bread winners and in Switzerland even admit certain maternity leave would be far too expensive. What we see on TV isn't reality for most!!

Yip sex satisfies men, not woman. Women don't really want bad boys they want a companion, but NT men can be difficult in own right and reason I dislike their behaviour.

If I may add, as youngster I didn't realise good looks weren't enough to to be popular, it was charisma and by about 25 I started learning about confidence and that way I present myself means I don't have to be blond supermodel or cheekbones, I could be plain faced person who was good enough, that success was probably ouch reach due to autism and not looking Barbie or ken. Many NT that fall into this trap, we have many polish politicians who model mixed breed of defined Ceasar cheekbones, dark blue eyes from Marie Antoinette and nazzi regime just exacerbated the need for designer babies as opposed to a loving home that was normal.

Remember society and media is oversexed, the definition of women as sex objects is incorrect, actually Indian model describes role as mother in society more clearly. Before birth control this would go without saying would be more visible in society, but also means women lacks voice of opinion, and has silent obedience.

 

[Markness]

@tree , I don’t like the direction this thread has gone in and I don’t think it can help me.

 

[tree]

@Markness
The title indicates a review of events and attitudes
that you believed to have been impediments to
forming relationships, for you.

You aren't finding much assistance in the replies?

What sort of replies might be useful to you?

 

[Tony Ramirez]

@tree , I don’t like the direction this thread has gone in and I don’t think it can help me.

@Markness
The title indicates a review of events and attitudes
that you believed to have been impediments to
forming relationships, for you.

You aren't finding much assistance in the replies?

What sort of replies might be useful to you?

I'm sorry. I can't believe I am saying this but really don't give up. Read my latest post.

https://www.autismforums.com/threads/meet-a-nice-girl-at-a-social-park-meetup.50509/

 

[Tony Ramirez]

Many Asperger's woman are not popular and end up with men who are not readily rateable, borderline abusive....is that cool?
Being unspokenly treated like bad incubator with school referral for disability diagnosis....is that not ultimate humiliation?
For better half most women just have sex to shut him up, so where's fun in that.
Many Asperger's females actually desired not get married, have children so if that's benefit, how?
Most young Asperger's girls get used for sex as simple minded and end up with issues trusting another boyfriend for fear he leave for girl who more spontaneous when gets what he wants, only man can think a girl enjoys or is that desperate to loose virginity.

I'm not saying the movie: 40 year old virgin isn't bad, just saying don't think women are too happy, either.
So as long as this isn't another we have rights to sexually exploit females thread and gather to justify blame women COOL
We do need a cure, I know mostly I don't like way NT behave but autism has less positives than negatives.

Suppose you'd have to be born women to understand how sexist attitude, rude jokes and being used for sex is not complimentary.

I'm not joking many disabled (as in care facilities) females end up in sick bay, eventually with signs morning sickness doctors finally administer pregnancy tests. You wouldn't expect low functioning or disabled girls to like wonder how they had sex in first place?

Lot of problems with God's creation, it's less than perfect. Unless of course all bad things uncreated by devil then we left to understand this.

Being a women is not that great. I am glad God made me a man.

Actually talking to women they have it hard. Have to keep up with appearance. More anxiety because they are more judged for their looks. I thought women I talked to looked beautiful but they said they got kicked out were lonely and thought of themselves as ugly when I thought they looked like goddess.

Then they have to deal with periods and child birth and being predated by men. But men can reproduce late in life. Yeah women have it easy. Try being friends with one and talking to one IRL.