Things people with Aspergers need to be told

[Sabrina]

That leaves another important question. Why are you married anyways? Do you do it for the same reason that NT do? Do you feel the need to do it because that what people in (NT)society do? Are you really doing it out of love? Think about this good and hard because I don't think that you are doing it for the same reason NT's do.

Those are very complicated questions but very important ones. I've sometimes thought that if I wasn't married to him, I wouldn't be married at all.

Sometimes I think I'm like a mix between Amy and Bernardette (Big Bang Theory) and he is like a mix between Sheldon and Wollowitz . I like that he gets me very well WHEN he gets me (which is not always). We are capable to speak "robot language", with very weird words and points of views that fascinate each other. I enjoy that a lot. He's got a wealth of knoledge in some areas and I do as well in other areas. Those areas are not the same, but are in the same universe, meaning that usually (not always) I find that is very interesting what he has to say, and viceversa.

But sometimes I feel that I need a month vacation from him . I'm sure is the same for him. We can get very emotionally intense, very fast.

In these weeks that have passed, I've asked those same questions to me. Am I married out of love or just because I have to? That's why I asked him for a separation. How can I be with someone that I don't love? He actually agreed to it, and a few days later he back pedaled and we decided for a sort of truce and go to couple's therapy.

Today, after a lot of reading in psychology issues, I came up with this concept of mixed feelings, and that has changed everything, because I love him in general,but in certain issues, I hate him. Now that I know that that's ok, I am decided to continue. For how long? No idea.
Is it the same reason why a NT gets married or stays married? No idea.

 

[Tyrantus1212]

That pulling away from physical contact (hugs and so on) is considered rude.

I really like being hugged. Makes me know that someone loves and appreciates me. Feels really really good.

 

[FreeDiver]

I really like being hugged. Makes me know that someone loves and appreciates me. Feels really really good.

I prefer to get my hugs from either my weighted blanket or from the pressure of diving down to the bottom of a lake or swimming pool. As far as letting people do it? I prefer to avoid it if etiquette will allow. If not, I just brace for the impact of doing it and just get it over with.

 

[Mathalamus]

Just about everything. its gotten to the point where i basically accept only clear answers to what i did wrong, at that moment, and why its wrong, and so on. anything else? forget it. if you try to be subtle, or anything, i will outright ignore it, citing "inaccuracy".

i may annoy some people with this method. i don't care. accuracy is everything.

i am largely the same about people who ask me to stop doing something. it also requires an order from whomever is the authority, and it must be clear and understandable by me.

i got tired of people trying to be subtle and all that, so i forced a more direct approach.

 

[WildCat]

We need to be told facts, not opinions. There are know-it-all assholes all over the internet who just love to give their heated opinions devoid of any logic on all things, but when one of them is sporting a university degree and promoting research, this does a TON of damage, more so than the average bridge-dwelling troll ever could. Fortunately, we have people on the spectrum doing just this, only problem being that nobody's listening. If there are any parents or concerned people reading this, please take note: get our input first ("our", as in those of us on the autism spectrum) before talking with someone else. It might save you a lot of trouble.

Social interaction: chances are high (very high) that if you're not on the spectrum, you're processing social cues without a second thought. Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong here, but we're not afforded that luxury; even if we can do college-level math inside our heads, paint photo-realistic art, or any of that neat stuff it's something we're going to struggle with until death. Not impossible, but there's a much steeper learning curve as EVERYTHING has to be analyzed manually.

Strengths and weaknesses: everyone has them and nobody's perfect, I don't care what anyone says. Just, in our case, ours are a lot more pronounced (there's several ways to test this too). What to do then? Capitalize on your strengths to aid the weaknesses, and who knows? People might just forget about your quirks if you become skilled enough in one or more areas. Those are just a couple, the list goes on so I'll cut it short here.

 

[Adora]

I really like being hugged. Makes me know that someone loves and appreciates me. Feels really really good.

I am bit funny with hugs while I like the hugs I get from my husband I don't really hugs from other people,I usually don't like hugs that I'm not ready for and I have an aunt who would sometimes demand a hug from me even though she notices that I don't like many people touching me.

 

[FreeDiver]

but when one of them is sporting a university degree and promoting research, this does a TON of damage, more so than the average bridge-dwelling troll ever could.

Isn't that the reason why everybody believes that vaccines are causing autism. There was that doctor who used his credentials to push his fake story about vaccines causing autism. Glad to see that he lost his license for that $h!t. But the damage has already been done.

 

[SusanLR]

Looking at people when they are talking and making acknowledging noises to pretend I am listening.

I find the pulling away, not looking in the eyes when they or myself talks, and easily drifting away from being interested in what they are talking about are the natural ways of reacting. Yes, if you really try, it can be done. But, it is an act to appear as they expect.

 

[SusanLR]

That leaves another important question. Why are you married anyways? Do you do it for the same reason that NT do? Do you feel the need to do it because that what people in (NT)society do? Are you really doing it out of love? Think about this good and hard because I don't think that you are doing it for the same reason NT's do.

Why marry has always been something I have pondered also. There are so many reasons pro and con. Religion, desire for a family/children, some feel it creates a deeper bond making affairs less likely, and there's a multitude of financial reasons the legal paper can make more secure or not.
I have a companion I love as a fellow human being, but, not in the romantic sense. Never had children, never will at my age. For us to marry, would help me financially, but, he doesn't care about my financial security. I have to pay him for my share of expenses and help him with his health problems. I am disabled and on SSD/SSI. The $500 I pay him each month wouldn't get anything decent to live in. The flip side is his temperment. Sometimes I feel I can't stand it and my health IS getting worse since I've started living with him. Stress, the slow killer.
So hooray for those who can have a good relationship. And yeah, I think you can love the person, yet hate certain things about them at the same time.

 

[Kirsty]

That its seen as rude to turn down offers to hangout

Really? I do this at times as long as I explain why.

 

[Aidan49]

The world is run by feelings, not facts.

 

[Ylva]

That things you aren't supposed to notice can simultaneously be things you are supposed to notice, and that uninteresting things can be things you will hurt someone's feelings by ignoring.

Certain things are creepy enough already, and I'm not even allowed to pretend they're not there? Flies in the face of all the advice I was given about ignoring people who are ****** to me.

 

[Streetwise]

Let me explain. I was diagnosed while i was still a toddler, so for most of my life my mother has made it her goal to teach how to be affectionate and helped me understand social norms and what not that NT's intuitively know and understand. She's really been of great help and people rarely notice there is something different about me. But, even with all her help I still have moments where i don't know how to react or act. I spend a lot of time on the internet trying to learn more about how to interact with people and have had a lot of epiphanies that helped me understand things better and be overall better at interacting with people.

Now my question is, what are some things that you've found out or been told about social interaction that you wished you would have known sooner?

That n.t's keep breeding I'm always shocked how many there are when i see them passing in the street
how do you pretend to like !adorable!!!!!!!! children when you just don't
i cant connect adorable and human children
and how do i not want to assault them if they are being verbally abuse or trying to physically

 

[Streetwise]

That n.t's keep breeding I'm always shocked how many there are when i see them passing in the street
how do you pretend to like !adorable!!!!!!!! children when you just don't
i cant connect adorable and human children
and how do i not want to assault them if they are being verbally abuse or trying to physically

Replace abuse with abusive.
Continued
abusive by directing missiles at my home small objects
or frightening my the cats that live with me

 

[Streetwise]

Replace physically abusive with physically abuse

Replace abuse with abusive.
Continued
abusive by directing missiles at my home small objects
or frightening my the cats that live with me

 

[Elem]

Let me explain. I was diagnosed while i was still a toddler, so for most of my life my mother has made it her goal to teach how to be affectionate and helped me understand social norms and what not that NT's intuitively know and understand. She's really been of great help and people rarely notice there is something different about me. But, even with all her help I still have moments where i don't know how to react or act. I spend a lot of time on the internet trying to learn more about how to interact with people and have had a lot of epiphanies that helped me understand things better and be overall better at interacting with people.

Now my question is, what are some things that you've found out or been told about social interaction that you wished you would have known sooner?

Have you read the book, "games people play?"

 

[1234345456]

no matter how well u think uv learned normal it is only ever an approximation. i wish id been shown or told that and that its ok. and also that being misunderstood is ok

 

[FreeDiver]

no matter how well u think uv learned normal it is only ever an approximation. i wish id been shown or told that and that its ok. and also that being misunderstood is ok

It's not a matter of whether or not it happens. it a matter of how much it happens that the problem.

 

[Thursday]

Those are very complicated questions but very important ones. I've sometimes thought that if I wasn't married to him, I wouldn't be married at all.

Sometimes I think I'm like a mix between Amy and Bernardette (Big Bang Theory) and he is like a mix between Sheldon and Wollowitz . I like that he gets me very well WHEN he gets me (which is not always). We are capable to speak "robot language", with very weird words and points of views that fascinate each other. I enjoy that a lot. He's got a wealth of knoledge in some areas and I do as well in other areas. Those areas are not the same, but are in the same universe, meaning that usually (not always) I find that is very interesting what he has to say, and viceversa.

But sometimes I feel that I need a month vacation from him . I'm sure is the same for him. We can get very emotionally intense, very fast.

Wow, this is the first time I've heard of these ideas outside conversations with my husband. We do have this tendency to go back and forth between contentment and resentment...however, it's hard to imagine being with anyone else because there's no one else who can speak the same language. For this reason, he calls me "2.5D" sometimes and refers to himself as a robot. Lol. Like, if he wasn't with me, he'd rather just immerse himself in his hobbies rather than dating another (3D) person.

Side note, we also love Orphan Black (Cosima! I'm a Helena fan myself).

 

[Thursday]

I wish people would tell me when it's good to give out information or advice and when people are not actually asking for anything else but comforting actions/jokes. I feel lost sometimes, especially when I don't have the benefit of physical cues or when there are several of us comforting a friend.