The Problem With Wanting A Perfect Partner

[KevinMao133]

We all want to date people who are confident, witty and charming, yet we often ignore the ones who are really smart but don’t show it

The problem with wanting a perfect partner is this: perfection doesn’t exist. It’s just a myth and something created to spread hatred amongst us

Even if that said person exist, what makes you think he would want to date you? If I’m confident, witty and charming, my options will be endless, I wouldn’t consider normal people just because I get approached by different types of women everyday

So my advice is this: the most loyal guys tend to be guys who are not confident as well as nerdy. If you are able to accept them and love them for who they are when the whole world hates them for who they are, then they will more likely remember it for the rest of their lives. I know that because I am that guy. I still remember when I was down in my life, feeling hopeless. Toronto accepted me with open arms instead of rejecting me. That’s why Toronto will also have a special place in my heart, no matter what and I will never talk bad about the city because of what happened

One more thing: I no longer have any standards when it comes to dating. At this point, I’m ok with anything, as long as they don’t hate me and are willing to strike up conversations with me

 

[Xinyta]

I'll agree that 'perfect people' are not possible to find, as we all are flawed. I'll even agree to the idea of lowering standards, if they are too high.

But lowering standards and sacrificing them, are two different things.

To have no standards is a equally harmful extreme, as having too high of standards. While sure, you'll get more people that likely will come to you because of how open you are. You are opening yourself up to the problems that come with it. STDs, manipulation, and other things that are... too NSFW for this site.

It's impossible to not have some kind of standards. There are standards inherently built into us, whether we like to admit it to ourselves or not. To deny it, is denying ourselves. Much like thinking we breathe manually, when we actually do so automatically.

But at the end of it all. Life IS only experienced by trying things. We all have to live and learn.

 

[FayetheAspie]

We all want to date people who are confident, witty and charming, yet we often ignore the ones who are really smart but don’t show it

Not really. If someone acts real "charming " it seems to turn on my they could potentially be a narcissist/psycopath alarm mode and I am very cautious about trusting them at all. I would definitely not be going on no date with them.

 

[Judge]

Personally I've always seen dating as an unreasonable social ritual with all kinds of expectations involving unwritten rules of conduct and behavior. All under a guise of "a leap of faith".

That most people "date" those they don't really know with only the possibility of courtship. With utterly no guarantees. Leaving a number of us with a more logical choice of accepting the reality that the scope of our ability to seek courtship being greatly diminished compared to those willing to date.

Where in my own case I accepted the idea of making friendships, where in some cases they might and did lead to something better. Even then, even when you've lived with someone for years on intimate terms is no guarantee you will truly know- or understand them.

Leaving romance itself regardless of the outcome, a "leap of faith". That if you seek perfection and bliss in any relationship, the odds are extremely against you. -Autistic or not.

 

[Xinyta]

Not really. If someone acts real "charming " it seems to turn on my they could potentially be a narcissist/psycopath alarm mode and I am very cautious about trusting them at all. I would definitely not be going on no date with them.

This is a reasonable response. There are people who do have alternative motives and use outward niceties to lure you in. This is one of those instances where "actions speak louder than words" profoundly has inherent use, as far as watching for who people are.

Though there are sometimes people who are just naively nice and personable and can come off as two-faced by first impression, when they really aren't.

It's all a matter of trusting instincts, for alot of it. And life experiences. Even then, it's impossible to perfectly judge someone 100% of the time.

 

[Judge]

I still recall when I got a phone call from my former sister-in-law who wanted my opinion of her hiring an investigative service to covertly assess a man she met online. We talked for a bit, and I told her IMO I don't think it's a bad or unethical thing to do.

She went through with it while he was never aware, and it turned up nothing but good things.

She chose to date him, and eventually married him....and to date years later they are happy.

 

[Judge]

Not really. If someone acts real "charming " it seems to turn on my they could potentially be a narcissist/psycopath alarm mode and I am very cautious about trusting them at all. I would definitely not be going on no date with them.

Can't blame ya on that. I'm afraid the crimes of Ted Bundy put any doubts of such suspicions to rest once and for all.

That if a sudden encounter with someone seems too good, it probably is. Best to be guarded in such situations.

 

[Masked Man]

So my advice is this: the most loyal guys tend to be guys who are not confident as well as nerdy. If you are able to accept them and love them for who they are when the whole world hates them for who they are, then they will more likely remember it for the rest of their lives. I know that because I am that guy. I still remember when I was down in my life, feeling hopeless. Toronto accepted me with open arms instead of rejecting me. That’s why Toronto will also have a special place in my heart, no matter what and I will never talk bad about the city because of what happened

I agree with this idea up to a point. There are a lot of men who are not confident and "nerdy" ... and they are also angry at the world and it shows.

The vast majority of people who are emotionally healthy are perfectly willing to date someone who is not perfect - as long as they are not angry. Anger is a huge turnoff to most everyone and most healthy individuals do not want to spend their dating life consoling and propping up someone else emotionally who needs constant reassurance. It's a black hole of emotional suck and is not fun.

That's why I am constantly telling some members that they need to get their anger under control. If you don't, it's a downward spiral that never stops.

 

[Dagan]

Truly, anger is something that will drain both parties in a relationship. It drains the angry person, but it also drains the person constantly trying to keep them both upbeat / happy. It eventually causes a rift / separation because it's not sustainable for either person to fight anger so much.

 

[velociraptor]

I tried to find someone with a sense of humour. This is the singles ad I placed back in 1999 and that the lady who is now my wife answered:

SWM 30 ND NS. Bookish sci-fi dork with a steady job who never watches sports. Great cook who makes better chocolate chip cookies (CCC) than you do (fight me!). Loves cats and hates who people hate cats. Looking for goofy, awkward female to do goofy, awkward things with and also share my CCC. Single moms welcome and children welcomed with love. Please send pics of your cat.

She said I sounded like I was fun.