The problem with questions?

[Pocket86]

Does anyone else have problems asking questions? I can ask simple questions such as "what is your favorite color?" I also don't have a problem asking factual questions. However, I struggle with questions when it comes to friends and relationships. I'm always afraid that my question is too personal or that the other person will be offended. Any advice on this?

 

[midlife aspie]

It depends on what you may be curious about. Try to think about questions YOU would be comfortable answering. That should help guide you. I'm envious that you got to visit the Colosseum by the way!

 

[LostInSilentHill]

I have that issue as well. I hate asking anything personal because I really don't care about that stuff. It used to be a big problem but now I tend to only ask questions that I've heard other people ask. I find the easiest way to survive other people is to mimic.

 

[shinkansen]

I'm envious that you got to visit the Colosseum by the way!

Well spotted. Didn't notice it until you pointed it out !

I like to ask people questions to which I already know the answer. Just to see what they say. For everything else, there's Google and Wikipedia.

 

[David Larson]

When it comes to asking questions that might be too personal/intimate, I run them through "The Nosy Test". I rehearse the question in my head and just check to see if it sounds nosy or not. If it does, I don't ask.

 

[Judge]

It's often very confusing to determine where that "threshold" is with a person. Any person. Where something becomes too personal to inquire about. Even with the few closest people in my orbit it remains a problem. So I usually default to the notion of not asking at all.

And when I do on select occasion, more often than not I catch hell for it.

Worse still, I've caught hell for answering questions where the same threshold still applied. You provide someone with a concise answer to their question and they tell me I should never have answered it. Go figure.

 

[Suzanne]

Yes, I do have problems with questions and often I get: why didn't you ask? Like you, I find it hard to discern whether I am asking an acceptable question or an indiscreet one and so, often do not ask.

I also have trouble understanding questions and have to reread a few times, before I understand it fully.

Terrible with reading instructions too!

 

[Pocket86]

Thanks for the input. It helps to know that I'm not the only one who has problems with asking questions. I am going to try really hard to ask my parents and closest friend some things and see how it goes.

 

[fuzz]

I also struggle with this, I am currently trying out the phase: ''I am wondering how you feel about <person>'.

I think people find it easier to talk about feelings and less offended when hearing them from others too. It's almost like it brings good energy into the discussion, people feel listened too and the other person feels they are trusted.