The potential key to the preception of being teased.

[Suzanne]

I hate being teased and always feel very sensitive and try to hide from that feeling when being teased. I especially hate it when it is related to my person.

I was describing how uncomfortable I felt when I was teased because I do a lot of hand gestures; someone said I should be good at signing and in truth, I took it as they were laughing at me, but no matter how I try to stem gestures, I just cannot. So I related this to my husband who said: well, I know this is not very nice to say, but you really should lighten up; they were only teasing you!

Then he explained the difference. Teasing is about being affectionate toward's someone and mockery is with malicious intent.

I am teased an awful lot by others and it does get me down and make me want to hide, but I do acknowledge that perhaps I am misunderstanding the intent behind the tease and so, will try a little experiment and see if it works.

 

[The Penguin]

When I use to be around people a lot this was an issue including family. Never really liked it.

The only teasing I can understand maybe about a gift for someone. But other forms of teasing I don't understand.

The fact me not understanding teasing could relate one of many reason I limit who is aloud in my life.

 

[fuðflogi]

I hate being teased and always feel very sensitive and try to hide from that feeling when being teased. I especially hate it when it is related to my person.

I was describing how uncomfortable I felt when I was teased because I do a lot of hand gestures; someone said I should be good at signing and in truth, I took it as they were laughing at me, but no matter how I try to stem gestures, I just cannot. So I related this to my husband who said: well, I know this is not very nice to say, but you really should lighten up; they were only teasing you!

Then he explained the difference. Teasing is about being affectionate toward's someone and mockery is with malicious intent.

I am teased an awful lot by others and it does get me down and make me want to hide, but I do acknowledge that perhaps I am misunderstanding the intent behind the tease and so, will try a little experiment and see if it works.

Well I was bullied and ostracized for my entire life so far. And I tend to assume everyone I don't know well enough to know otherwise, are going to be cruel to me. So learning this difference has been a long process. Thank you, for others like me that maybe haven't learned this it would save a lot of lost friend d ships and whatnot.

 

[Allicat]

If (and I know this is a big if) you are comfortable, ask if they are teasing you. You don't have to be confrontative about it; tilt your head a little and ask gently "Are you teasing me?"

It's something I've worked on with my son. His difficulties aren't initially that pronounced, and I know he's going to be exposed to teasing as it's part of the way many folks communicate. To help him get a feel for what socially acceptable teasing (as opposed to someone being nasty) sounds and looks like, since he was little I gently tease him from time to time and state immediately after that I'm teasing; I'm not being serious. He's catching on; we've reached a point where he will ask if I am teasing if he isn't sure, or if someone is teasing someone else (on a TV show for example). He'll never like it, I understand that, but hopefully he will be able to discern when someone is being mean to him as opposed to trying to be friendly and if he can't, will be ok with checking.

 

[Full Steam]

I agree that there is malicious and "friendly" teasing, but I would also break "friendly" teasing down into gentle and harsh teasing.

I don't mind gentle teasing, but when it's harsh, from multiple people at a time or personal I hate it, and it's not really friendly at all.

I've actually put a very large amount of time into finding ways to deal with this (all pre aspergers)

I studied comedy and comic put downs for decades, and I can hold my own to a certain extent, and certainly gentle teasing I have no problem with.

I still have no defence for the harsh stuff or the personal, as I seem unable to speak to defend myself. I find it incredibly frustrating as I know what I should've said in hind sight, but it's impossible at the time.

I think maybe I get a jolt of adrenaline that starts fight/flight mode and makes speech impossible.

 

[the_tortoise]

The other person's intent is definitely important, but I don't think the intent of the teasing is the only part that matters.

If I said something to tease someone in a friendly/affectionate way, and they were hurt and I could see that (or if they told me they were hurt -- and I would want people to tell me if my teasing hurt their feelings so I could stop), I would feel bad. I would explain I was joking but I would also apologize and then I would not tease them about that particular thing anymore (or anything, if they found all teasing hurtful).

Telling someone to lighten up and continuing to tease them when you know it hurts their feelings just doesn't seem okay to me; It may not be malicious, but it totally disregards the other person's feelings and I don't see how that's okay. In basically all other types of verbal exchange/social interaction, the feelings of both parties matter, and I don't think it should be any different with teasing.

I am usually extremely easy-going about teasing and I routinely make fun of myself, but if someone teases me and they "touch a nerve" (tease me about something that I am unusually sensitive about, something that really upsets me or makes me feel really bad), I might ask them to stop and I expect them to. If they don't stop, I doubt their behavior is truly friendly and suspect it is merely selfish and insensitive -- the goal may not be to hurt me, but they don't care if they do....and that is not friendly at all.

 

[OkRad]

I am a very very serious and intense person and I HATE being teased even more than mocked. It is interesting that you posted the distinction and you are right.

If I am teased, it pisses me off, like why are you making light of things? I am confused. Was that a veiled dig? If it was a veiled dig, is there something wrong with me? The only time I can take teasing is if everyone is joking around, but I NEVER tease anyone. Ever. I am very sensitive to how it might hurt someone who is a sensitive soul. I don't want to hurt anyone even inadvertantly but people generally don't care.

They want a laugh and don't care who gets hurt. People seeing a person dying ---many will just whip out the cell phone for a good Facebook post. I am not on facebook at all because of that kind of crap.

As to Mocking.........if someone outright mocks me or rolls eyes, I am better at that because I really understand they don't like me and to stay away from them!! Very clear cut there :-O