The play script analogy

[Angular Chap]

I was showing people some official NHS guidance on autism which mentioned an interesting trait of "seeing others as an audience." So I came up with this analogy to expand my take on that:

Sometimes being forced to mask makes me feel like little more than a character in someone else's production, forced to perform. I could be any character, main character, extra in the background, or anyone in between.

Sometimes I just get up, perform for the audience, then go back to bed.

Get up, smile for the cameras, go back to bed.

Then there are the times when being autistic is like being in a play and everyone else has the script, except me.

And no one really seems to want to give me a full copy of this elusive script either.

If I ask for a copy of the script, I get shouted at for not having it or not memorising it.

Sometimes parts of the script are changed without anyone telling me, sometimes the entire script has been changed without anyone telling me.

Sometimes I have some of the script, but parts are missing.

Most of the time I can improvise. Sometimes the director LOVES my improvisation and I get praised for my improv being better than the script itself. But most of the time, my improv will eventually fall flat and the director will be angry. I can't improvise the entire script on the fly.

Sometimes I get lucky. I upset the director so much during rehearsals that I get kicked out before the show and manage to avoid it.

Other times, I'm forced on stage front and centre on the opening night in front of a packed theatre...

Sometimes, being autistic is like being in a play and everyone else has the script, except me.

 

[Judge]

Almost every time I interact with store checkers, I feel like I'm reading from a "script". Which amounts to "simplified masking" IMO. At least it's a way to feel that I am still in contact with the human race, beyond merely typing in any online forum. Pretending to engage in small talk. LOL...it's good "practice"!

Otherwise in real life, I seldom speak to anyone other than fewer and fewer phone calls to or from my brother and cousin.

Strange at times to ponder whether I might have made a fair actor, provided I could get over a sense of stage fright being in front of large numbers of persons at any one time.

 

[ThanosTheDwarf]

This is basically my work - I've for years jokingly referred to my "work persona" as a role I play, something I've trained for and learned to do. In my work I do need to do stuff like public speaking etc which I used to hate and by now just come to tolerate cause the role I play has had a lot of practice sessions and I've got the script down

People routinely don't believe that I am very different in my personal life and that I don't "like" people, interactions particularely in social settings - as long as I can keep interactions to work topics, my work persona does the job, as soon as it goes to normal social interactions I'm lost and there doesn't seem to be a script.

 

[Ken]

I was showing people some official NHS guidance on autism which mentioned an interesting trait of "seeing others as an audience." So I came up with this analogy to expand my take on that:

Sometimes being forced to mask makes me feel like little more than a character in someone else's production, forced to perform. I could be any character, main character, extra in the background, or anyone in between.

Sometimes I just get up, perform for the audience, then go back to bed.

Get up, smile for the cameras, go back to bed.

Then there are the times when being autistic is like being in a play and everyone else has the script, except me.

And no one really seems to want to give me a full copy of this elusive script either.

If I ask for a copy of the script, I get shouted at for not having it or not memorising it.

Sometimes parts of the script are changed without anyone telling me, sometimes the entire script has been changed without anyone telling me.

Sometimes I have some of the script, but parts are missing.

Most of the time I can improvise. Sometimes the director LOVES my improvisation and I get praised for my improv being better than the script itself. But most of the time, my improv will eventually fall flat and the director will be angry. I can't improvise the entire script on the fly.

Sometimes I get lucky. I upset the director so much during rehearsals that I get kicked out before the show and manage to avoid it.

Other times, I'm forced on stage front and centre on the opening night in front of a packed theatre...

Sometimes, being autistic is like being in a play and everyone else has the script, except me.

Very well put. Thank you for posting it.

 

[Jumpinbare]

There's a script?

 

[Neri]

I was showing people some official NHS guidance on autism which mentioned an interesting trait of "seeing others as an audience." So I came up with this analogy to expand my take on that:

Sometimes being forced to mask makes me feel like little more than a character in someone else's production, forced to perform. I could be any character, main character, extra in the background, or anyone in between.

Sometimes I just get up, perform for the audience, then go back to bed.

Get up, smile for the cameras, go back to bed.

Then there are the times when being autistic is like being in a play and everyone else has the script, except me.

And no one really seems to want to give me a full copy of this elusive script either.

If I ask for a copy of the script, I get shouted at for not having it or not memorising it.

Sometimes parts of the script are changed without anyone telling me, sometimes the entire script has been changed without anyone telling me.

Sometimes I have some of the script, but parts are missing.

Most of the time I can improvise. Sometimes the director LOVES my improvisation and I get praised for my improv being better than the script itself. But most of the time, my improv will eventually fall flat and the director will be angry. I can't improvise the entire script on the fly.

Sometimes I get lucky. I upset the director so much during rehearsals that I get kicked out before the show and manage to avoid it.

Other times, I'm forced on stage front and centre on the opening night in front of a packed theatre...

Sometimes, being autistic is like being in a play and everyone else has the script, except me.

This fits my experience as a late diagnosed ASD2 female person.
As a child, I struggled socially, enormously (surprise, surprise!!!:-()) and I was 10 when I discovered performing arts, in the form of drama and plays in school. I found it so liberating that I could read a script and "be someone else" because being me was super hard and very depressing and anxiety-inducing.

Fast forward to bombing out of school, being ignored and hot potatoed back and forth between my parents, who didn't want to be bothered with me (they both had different young families and no time for me), I ended up 1000's miles/km away from both of them, homeless, near-mute and 16. I got to join a band and it was my lifeline because it was a way for an uncared-for autistic girl to rehearse meaningful sounds coming out of my face and go through the motions of being social so that I could learn to be social.
I learnt to perform in front of an audience before I could function in any other meaningful way in society.

 

[Seladon]

This fits my experience as a late diagnosed ASD2 female person.
As a child, I struggled socially, enormously (surprise, surprise!!!:-()) and I was 10 when I discovered performing arts, in the form of drama and plays in school. I found it so liberating that I could read a script and "be someone else" because being me was super hard and very depressing and anxiety-inducing.

Fast forward to bombing out of school, being ignored and hot potatoed back and forth between my parents, who didn't want to be bothered with me (they both had different young families and no time for me), I ended up 1000's miles/km away from both of them, homeless, near-mute and 16. I got to join a band and it was my lifeline because it was a way for an uncared-for autistic girl to rehearse meaningful sounds coming out of my face and go through the motions of being social so that I could learn to be social.
I learnt to perform in front of an audience before I could function in any other meaningful way in society.

This is so moving. Art really found you, and helped you lift yourself out of a horrible situation.

 

[Neri]

This is so moving. Art really found you, and helped you lift yourself out of a horrible situation.

I am touched that you found my story moving. I'm a bit teary now.
Thank you.
Yes, it's not been an easy journey, by any means, but, I do feel my story is an inspiration one.

 

[Ken]

This fits my experience as a late diagnosed ASD2 female person.
As a child, I struggled socially, enormously (surprise, surprise!!!:-()) and I was 10 when I discovered performing arts, in the form of drama and plays in school. I found it so liberating that I could read a script and "be someone else" because being me was super hard and very depressing and anxiety-inducing.

Fast forward to bombing out of school, being ignored and hot potatoed back and forth between my parents, who didn't want to be bothered with me (they both had different young families and no time for me), I ended up 1000's miles/km away from both of them, homeless, near-mute and 16. I got to join a band and it was my lifeline because it was a way for an uncared-for autistic girl to rehearse meaningful sounds coming out of my face and go through the motions of being social so that I could learn to be social.
I learnt to perform in front of an audience before I could function in any other meaningful way in society.

Probably doesn't feel like it to you, but you are in deed a winner. You have touched my life - in that while the circumstances are totally different, my life struggles and successes are along that same line. I totally relate.

Thank you for sharing!

 

[Misty Avich]

That is very well-put. Thank you.

As more of an ADHDer than an autistic, it isn't quite like this for me. It's more like I'm reading through the script that everyone has as I go along, adding bits to it and then getting too carried away with myself. Or if I'm in a kind of environment where I feel more shy, I feel like I have the script just like everyone else but have lost my tongue. So I'm reading and understanding the script as I'm going along but feel too scared to speak my lines out loud.

I feel I am "missing the script" more when I go out in public, because strangers in the street perceive you differently to your workplace environment or people you know and are comfortable with. But not when it comes to speech so much, as you don't need speech when walking along the street. But the "being out in public script" involves strict instructions on how to be, and lots of reminders on not showing your emotions in your body language or looking out of place at any time unless you want to be stared at and judged by nearly everyone you pass. I often forget to look at my 'instructions' and I have to keep remembering to look at them and follow them carefully.