The holidays are upon us, how do you handle the autistic burnout?

[SimplyWandering]

I set my expectations very low. My expectations of self, my expectations of others. When you expect little, it's hard to be disappointed. Oh, and I don't have much extended family; my daughter and son-in-law come over for an hour or two around (or on) Christmas and we exchange a very few gifts. Maybe we have some stollen or fruit cake on hand. They then go on to other relatives' affairs.

The Holiday humbug is starting quite early this year. Not even October. I don't see why you don't just hire a hit man to take Santa down and be done with it.

View attachment 57248

It’s only a matter of time before “Christmas in July” really is Christmas in July ....

 

[Bolletje]

I like Christmas, it’s my mom’s birthday and we always have a lavish dinner. It’s great bonding time with my mom, we often spend days in the kitchen preparing food together. I am usually able to make it until after dessert and then I’ve had my fill of stimuli so I say my goodbyes and go home while the rest has coffee and chats on.
This year will be strange though, my grandfather died earlier this year so we won’t have him at the table (he always used to regale us with stories and songs from his youth) and my sister and her boyfriend are vacationing somewhere else. This will make dinner easier for me because there will be less stimuli. But it won’t be the same. After 32 years of my grandfathers sonorous singing late at night it will feel empty and unusually quiet.

 

[Graphin]

Appearantly I don't

 

[Shamar]

The holidays are upon us folks.

Jewish Holidays start now

Halloween later this month.

followed by a bunch of others such as Thanksgiving for some, Christmas and New Years for others

Muslims holidays in Sept and November

So how do you handle the Autistic or Mental Burnout associated with :

talking with friends and families
eating around groups
Being around others
noise
lights
Smells
Other things that you simply cannot control

?

Remember avoidance isn’t always a fixer.

The holidays, to me, are being desperately lonely, surrounded by loads of people celebrating not being lonely, and not being able to do anything about it. It is extremely frustrating and agonizingly painful to watch. I survive the resulting suicidal tendencies by taking St John's Wort, about 3 or 4 per day. The usual antidepressants don't really work well for me. Probably about time to start for this year.

 

[SusanLR]

I like the lights and Halloween decorations too.

Other than that, the Holidays now just remind me of my being alone now.
Thanksgiving and Christmas were fun days when it was just the three of us.
Now with no family, it doesn't mean anything to me.
I miss the opening of presents, decorating the house, cooking all day with Mom and
eating it when it was done.

That was just enough to make it feel special.
Now it is just an inconvenience to try to find a store open on those days if I need something
and even harder to find a place to eat. Most of the restaurants are closed and I don't feel like
cooking all the stuff alone.

 

[OrangeSquash]

I have my strategies...

• Volunteer to do the washing-up - and no, I don't need any help.
• Don't be afraid to bail out of things last minute.
• Schedule in 'me' time

The usual stuff.

I guess i'm fortunate that my family are aware of my limitations, despite the fact that they don't know i'm an aspie.

 

[LateBloomer]

Our holidays have become nothing more than marketing opportunities for retailers . The Halloween junk , cheesy Chinese plastic which will all be in the landfill after using it , has been available at Walmart for weeks now . Then comes the Christmas charade , trying to find the perfect gift for people who , in most cases don't need it , wrapping it in pretty paper which goes to the landfill the next day . What a waste . I stay at home alone for these holidays in particular and absolutely love it . I just send checks to people now rather than waste the time it takes to go shopping , wrap gifts , take them to the post office etc . Checks always fit , are the right color and seldom , if ever , end up in the landfill the next day . It's taken a lot of the stress out of Holidays as I no longer have to shop in stores that play horrible Christmas Music ( think dogs barking ' jingle bells ' or a dripping , crooning version of ' I'll be home for Christmas ' ) Blah ! Humbug ! I don't have to stress about getting packages to the PO on time or travel either but best of all , no gatherings to attend , no small talk to make , no overeating , no faces to remember , no anxiety . Love it .

 

[Mia]

Apparently, today;
October 1st is World Vegetarian Day.
October 2nd is World Farm Animals Day.
October 3rd, is National Custodial Workers Recognition Day.
October 4th, is Ten Four Day.
October 5th, National Ships in a Bottle Day.
October 8th is National Pirogi Day
October 9th is Bring your teddy bear to work/school day and international top spinning day.

 

[Shamar]

Our holidays have become nothing more than marketing opportunities for retailers . The Halloween junk , cheesy Chinese plastic which will all be in the landfill after using it , has been available at Walmart for weeks now . Then comes the Christmas charade , trying to find the perfect gift for people who , in most cases don't need it , wrapping it in pretty paper which goes to the landfill the next day . What a waste . I stay at home alone for these holidays in particular and absolutely love it . I just send checks to people now rather than waste the time it takes to go shopping , wrap gifts , take them to the post office etc . Checks always fit , are the right color and seldom , if ever , end up in the landfill the next day . It's taken a lot of the stress out of Holidays as I no longer have to shop in stores that play horrible Christmas Music ( think dogs barking ' jingle bells ' or a dripping , crooning version of ' I'll be home for Christmas ' ) Blah ! Humbug ! I don't have to stress about getting packages to the PO on time or travel either but best of all , no gatherings to attend , no small talk to make , no overeating , no faces to remember , no anxiety . Love it .

I refer to the day after Thanksgiving as "National Shopping Insanity Day." I call the day after Christmas "National Gift Return Insanity Day." I try to avoid driving on either one.

 

[Aspychata]

The worse time for psychiatrists is holidays. This is when people feel the lowest in their life. I actually had someone call me about divorce on the 24th because l was working in a family law office that day. People think about family issues, very emotional for a lot of people. I try to remember this and keep a low profile.

 

[Kirsty]

I don't avoid them, I just don't do them. I don't like the party scene so I don't go. Christmas is an intimate, private affair and I book a fortnight's holiday from work over the Christmas/new year period which saves me from.the hysteria and makes for a lovely private time.
Jewish, Moslem & Hindu holidays (don't forget Diwali) are for Jews, Moslems & Hindus. We wouldn't do Christmas if it weren't so ingrained into secular culture.
There's no Thanksgiving over here and Halloween is for kids.
Easy peasy, lemon squeezy

That’s still avoiding them. I’m enjoying no contact and surviving most holidays and every other day of the year on my own. I have distant friends, but they’re good company in small doses. Luckily, I’ve been texting my aunty while on holiday this week, but that’s about it. Avoidance has been critical for me and is most definitely a fixer.

 

[Autistamatic]

More

That’s still avoiding them.

How so?

Taking a holiday over the Christmas period is because it's a lovely time to lock all the doors and be cosy with my wife & cat, and also gives me time to play with any toys I receive as gifts. That's a positive decision, not an avoidant one. As I said in the post you quoted "Christmas is an intimate, private affair" so we do it our way because that's what makes us happy.
Not going to parties is not avoidance, it's non-participation. I don't like them and I've made that very clear to those I know from the start, so there's no pressure to avoid. Nobody expects us to go so they don't go there.
I don't participate in religious festivals because I practice no religion, and there are no other "holidays" celebrated here, so where's the avoidance?

Avoidance is a reaction to pressure from other people. I/we took affirmative decisions to do things the way we want to so any social pressure is null and cannot impinge upon our happiness.

 

[Pats]

Mixture of feelings during the holidays. As a nurse so many years, I used to have to work most holidays, which I never really minded. As long as I was home Christmas morning with the kids - and I always was since I worked nights.
Today - I still like to decorate for Christmas - the one time of year you can get as tacky as you want. lol I enjoy the lights and Christmas music, but I hate, hate, hate the crowds. And I know that I'm going to be asked by several people what my plans are for Thanksgiving day and Christmas day - and I know it's because they don't want me to have to be alone, which I'd just as soon do. I love my family Christmas - all my kids and grandkids come and I love watching them all together, enjoying being together and it's all happy. But the stress of planning it, cooking and preparing for it (we all cook), making sure there's enough room and enough seats. ANd, of course, trying to find the perfect gifts for each of them. Everyone always says I give the best gifts and it's hard to meet that expectation year after year, so I search and search and it's stressful. But this year - for my kids and their spouses, I think I'm going to get each of them one of those kits that they can make a hand statue thing of the family. They all love things like that. And every year I try to make them something to go along with what I get them, so I need to get started on that. lol

 

[Bolletje]

Mixture of feelings during the holidays. As a nurse so many years, I used to have to work most holidays, which I never really minded. As long as I was home Christmas morning with the kids - and I always was since I worked nights.

I loved working in the hospital during the holidays! The atmosphere on those days is always special. Of course many patients are sad they have to spend the holidays in the hospital, but cheering those people up always brightened my day.

 

[Pats]

I loved working in the hospital during the holidays! The atmosphere on those days is always special. Of course many patients are sad they have to spend the holidays in the hospital, but cheering those people up always brightened my day.

And it always seemed a little more laid back than usual.

 

[Bolletje]

And it always seemed a little more laid back than usual.

Yes! The wards were more peaceful, the staff in a good mood... And at the ER we’d have Christmas dinner with everyone bringing their favorite food. It was nice, in between emergencies.

 

[Kirsty]

I loved working in the hospital during the holidays! The atmosphere on those days is always special. Of course many patients are sad they have to spend the holidays in the hospital, but cheering those people up always brightened my day.

When I worked in a hospital, we sang in a wee group to the patients. One of the nurses started to shed a few tears and I didn’t know why at the time apart from this confirming that if someone cried, it means they’re a nice person with feelings. Later, I found out it was because she felt for the patients being in hospital during Christmas. I began to like her even more after that even though I had difficulties socially with people at work.

 

[Streetwise]

according to wikipedia hedonism is not a religion it is materialistic and an atheistic philosophy

 

[tree]

For comments about Religion or faith-based philosophy please use Religion

The topic of the thread as stated in the first post is :

"how do you handle the Autistic or Mental Burnout associated with :

talking with friends and families
eating around groups
Being around others
noise
lights
Smells
Other things that you simply cannot control"

Further replies will be directed toward dealing with those stresses.

 

[Streetwise]

Mixture of feelings during the holidays. As a nurse so many years, I used to have to work most holidays, which I never really minded. As long as I was home Christmas morning with the kids - and I always was since I worked nights.
Today - I still like to decorate for Christmas - the one time of year you can get as tacky as you want. lol I enjoy the lights and Christmas music, but I hate, hate, hate the crowds. And I know that I'm going to be asked by several people what my plans are for Thanksgiving day and Christmas day - and I know it's because they don't want me to have to be alone, which I'd just as soon do. I love my family Christmas - all my kids and grandkids come and I love watching them all together, enjoying being together and it's all happy. But the stress of planning it, cooking and preparing for it (we all cook), making sure there's enough room and enough seats. ANd, of course, trying to find the perfect gifts for each of them. Everyone always says I give the best gifts and it's hard to meet that expectation year after year, so I search and search and it's stressful. But this year - for my kids and their spouses, I think I'm going to get each of them one of those kits that they can make a hand statue thing of the family. They all love things like that. And every year I try to make them something to go along with what I get them, so I need to get started on that. lol

I think my ‘I have to make Christmas exactly like I remember it as a child’ is finally wearing out ,it started to get to me when I bought a box of glass ornaments didn’t break them while they were in the box and then one dropped off the tree !I thought I’m just not strong enough anymore !Now Im trying not to get to the point where I think the word suicidal the darker months are very hard for depression.