texting first?

[psychotopsy]

hello.

a lot of people make a big deal of who texts first. is it actually a big deal? i usually end up being the person who texts first in nearly all of my friendships and relationships. the only reason this is somewhat bothersome to me is because im not sure if that means something. people put so much pressure on who texts first and it seems that people generally think its a bad sign if you always text first because people tend to think that means the other person isnt as invested as you are. im not sure how much significance this has. sure, it'd be great if more people texted me first but even if i text first, they dont act like they dont want to talk to me. quite the opposite usually. so does it even matter?

 

[RidingDutchman]

Well... If everybody were to wait for the other to text first, it might take a loooong time for a conversation to start.

Many people are way too worried about the other people caring about this, not wanting to come off desperate or whatever. If you ask me I wouldn't worry about it, I tend to text first as well many times. If it's something that makes you anxious, find something "important" to text about. So instead of just "Hey, how are you doing" something personal you still wanted to ask or if they are having as bad weather as you're having or something.

Long winded way of saying I wouldn't worry about it. If you text a lot with the same person, you might want to try waiting for them to text first sometime, but everybody is different in this I suppose.

 

[metalminx24]

Ach, it's unwritten rules, social pressure and being 'cool'. So total rubbish. As ridingdutchman said, if no - one texted first there would be a whole lot of silence!

 

[AsheSkyler]

This is an issue? Why is this an issue?

 

[Progster]

This is an issue? Why is this an issue?

My thoughts exactly! I never realised that this can be a issue until I read this thread. It seems strange that this would be an issue for some people.

Like RidingDutchman I only ever text people when I have something important to say - I never think about my being the first to start the conversation.

 

[ancusmitis]

I never text first. I also don't hang out with a lot of people. Your mileage may vary.

 

[NTgirl4276]

I am mildly familiar with this "controversy"

I think this "problem" is most common in heterosexual dating/relationship contexts, and therefore, is strongly tied to gender-based stereotypes and assumptions, i.e. men should pursue women, and women should be pursued. Which, in terms of texting, translates to men often being expected to text a woman first, and women waiting around for a text.

I think it's rubbish, personally. But I know a lot of people (most of whom are NT, at least to my knowledge) who subscribe to this norm. But, like I said, the norm most frequently applies to dating/romantic situations; I've never noticed people caring much in general friendship contexts.

I'll admit, though, I hardly ever text a man "first"... not because of gender stereotypes, but because I rarely meet a man I like enough to actually actively pursue. My most recent dating experience was the first in which I routinely (pretty much always) texted him first... and he is a likely Aspie.

 

[buckyboy14]

I almost never send text messages (mostly because I have nobody to talk to), so this is something that worries me greatly if I somehow wind up in a relationship one day. I don't understand any of these social intricacies of texting, and I fear that a girl would end up getting really mad at me for not sending her a message or not doing something that would be obvious for most people.

 

[Shiznown]

 

[Myway]

I don't care who texts first. Why is there a question about this anyway?

 

[donn]

The issue is supposedly addressing how much one person is thinking about the other, and presuming that first texts will correspond to that. Therefore, less important than who texts first is how do they respond?

If I have to text first each time, but they are really excited to hear from me - then there's no necessary imbalance.

 

[gonzerd]

This probably isn't exactly what you peeps are on about, but it's been sitting on my dash waiting to be shared. Just illustrates it's not always a matter of some unwritten rule malark. Sometimes it's just insecurity and sometimes, just sometimes, you just have to get over it and send 'Hi, how are you?' Friendships, relationships,... are hard enough already; don't let them be ripped apart by silly rules.

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