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telling the kids

A 6 yr old isn't going to understand. I'd just live with the idea for a while before you start telling people.
 
Your oldest may already suspect. My 17 year old said he already knew when I told him. I might wait to tell the younger ones. They won’t really understand.
 
If you’ve just been diagnosed, just wait a couple of weeks at least to make any large decisions, such as telling family members.


:) - a fellow parent & on the spectrum
 
The teenager would love to know. And they'll finally understand why Dad is the way he is. The little kids, they won't have a clue what you're talking about. You'll only worry them about you being "sick". Wait until they're at least out of middle school.
 
Whilst the six year old will not understand the other kids are all 12 or older so would understand. The older kids live with their mum half the time so won’t be back with me for another week.

I have already told my partner but she knew I was getting assessed.
 
@free will, if you are ASD1, I would introduce it as mild autism.
That understates what it is really like, but it is the best way for NTs to understand.
Otherwise, your kids might use it as an excuse to disregard what you tell them to do.
 
Understand you want to tell them but them being kids, they may go online and research it and find out they maybe on the spectrum. Is this really necessary to introduce into their life? Right now their world is complicated enough with covid, visits with rotating parents, hormone surges, and the very unfriendly school system of bullies. Really? You need to throw another complication in those small developing brains? Can you just let it ride? Maybe try to be a more supportive parent is the greatest thing you try for.
 
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Aspychata said:
Understand you want to tell them but then being kids, they may go online and research it and find out they maybe on the spectrum. Is this really necessary to introduce into their life? Right now their world is complicated enough with covid, visits with rotating parents, hormone surges, and the very unfriendly school system of bullies. Really? You need to throw another complication in those small developing brains? Can you just let it ride? Maybe try to be a more supportive parent is the greatest thing you try for.
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Maybe normalizing a.s.d. is a better approach?

I just keep thinking how hiding ones diagnosis from our kids sets up an unintentional signal of shame. It is saying "This thing is not ok".

And little kids are very malliable. They learn what is acceptible through the actions of adults and it becomes hardwired into their brains as they build the synaptic connections for social functioning. (Seperate from the deficit of social functioning related to a.s.d.)

In other words, if you don't make it a big deal, kids won't make it a big deal either.
 
Unless your diagnosis is going to change their lifestyle is some way, I don't see any need to tell them.

Although whatever I would give yourself at least month, before telling anyone, there are a lot of pieces which will come together over the next few weeks and how you feel now might be quite different soon.
 
Never had my daughter labeled. She has worked thru a lot of things on her own. So l am hesitant to force feed kids things. I homeschooled her. She then went to a performing arts HS which helped with socialization skills. Am l on the spectrum? Undoubbly . (Spelling is purposely not correct).
 
Aspychata said:
Never had my daughter labeled. She has worked thru a lot of things on her own. So l am hesitant to force feed kids things. I homeschooled her. She then went to a performing arts HS which helped with socialization skills. Am l on the spectrum? Undoubbly . (Spelling is purposely not correct).
Click to expand...
Being open is not "force feeding". It is acknowledging.
 
You should get them checked also,I only found out I had autism because my son had it and his counselor started wondering about me then I was tested.
 
ucrenegade said:
You should get them checked also,I only found out I had autism because my son had it and his counselor started wondering about me then I was tested.
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Same with me, I only found out because my son is ASD and then I realised I was similar in many ways by learning about it, and was diagnosed.
 
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I have it. My daughter has it. She now is at the university. Some agree to tell the kids. Some of us don't. It's okay. Neither way is right or wrong.

@Suzette

Sorry if l upset you. I had to birthday gift shop this morning which left me in shambles. Do l get this, do l get that????☹☺
 
Aspychata said:
I have it. My daughter has it. She now is at the university. Some agree to tell the kids. Some of us don't. It's okay. Neither way is right or wrong.

@Suzette

Sorry if l upset you. I had to birthday gift shop this morning which left me in shambles. Do l get this, do l get that????☹☺
Click to expand...

You didn't upset me. We all have perspectives. For myself, not having any understanding about why I am as I am was debilating. Knowing could have meant getting specific help.

When my own son was born, I didn't rush to have him evaluated even though my pediatrician suggested that evaluation for autisim was just the normal thing parents did. If he was autistic, I didn't want my sons life to be defined by it.

But that was before I had considered autisim for myself. Knowing what I now know, I probably would have had him evaluated to ensure he got the best help I could give.

As for gift giving, gift giving is horrifying! You have my sympathy!
 
ucrenegade said:
You should get them checked also,I only found out I had autism because my son had it and his counselor started wondering about me then I was tested.
Click to expand...

The trigger for me getting assessed was my youngest showing signs of ASD (now being worked through) and my eldest daughter being treated for Social Anxiety Disorder.
 
You know what is best for your family but I would not tell my children. It can be anxiety provoking for a child to think something is diagnosed wrong with a parent. I have no plans to even tell my adult children about my diagnosis. Whatever quirks I have are just looked at by them as part of my personality. I hope to leave it at that.
 
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