Telephone

[daniegirl6224]

Talking on the telephone is ridiculously hard for me. Is it hard for you guys too? Any ideas why it is extra hard with autism? Any tips to help?

 

[Outdated]

It's a common issue many of us have to varying degrees. Auditory Language Processing Disorder.

In a face to face situation I'm a very good communicator, but I rely very heavily on body language, facial expressions and lip reading to fully understand what people are saying. Over the phone it's like I'm half deaf, I only hear every second or third word and I have to keep asking people to repeat themselves, or I just pretend that I heard and understood and hang up.

Another aspect of the same issue - lagging behind in conversations.

Talking to just one other person causes me no issues, I can talk to two people at once and still have a good conversation. Bring a third person in and it starts taking me a little longer to respond, bring in a fourth and a fifth and then by the time I've come up with a comment or an opinion the rest of the conversation has already moved on and what I wanted to say would be out of place. So in group conversations I either end up sitting on the sidelines saying nothing, or I dominate the conversation. I don't have to listen when I'm the one doing all the talking.

I seriously hate phones and will go to great lengths to avoid using one, this includes tracking people's exact whereabouts so that I can walk in to their office and introduce myself rather than use the phone.

 

[Dillon]

I used to really despise phone calls but now I’m pretty good at a casual one on one conversation. I had to make a doctors appointment earlier in the day and honestly I was hesitant to dial the number as I try to get a scripted message in my head of what I wanted to say first but I just winged it.

When I talk on the phone I just pretend I’m talking to myself and pretend the person doesn’t even exist at the moment. Like @Outdated mentioned I myself tend to run into a problem when I’m doing a 2 or 3 way call as I then get over stimulated.
I seem to do ok with general phone call due to the fact I’m not putting so much pressure on myself as compared to a physical face to face social interaction where I’m trying to read peoples emotions/facial expressions.

 

[SusanLR]

The dreaded making a phone call!
If I must make the call to someone, I dread it.
It's comparable to starting a conversation with someone in person.
How to begin stresses me.
If I answer the phone and a conversation ensues, I shut my eyes. This helps me to concentrate on what is said and what to reply.

Some people pace while talking. My house companion does.
That would be like multi-tasking for me. I don't see how he does it, but he isn't any good at speaking on the phone unless he paces.

 

[Roisin]

The fears I have with phone calls come from knowing my working memory is conditional under stress.
The only way I can manage calls successfully is if I can be and remain as calm as possible.
Also getting comfortable with saying things like I don't have those details to hand, can I email them to you etc also helped.

 

[Mono]

Yes, it's very demanding for me because you have to respond immediately. Also if it's for work; I don't know who it is, what they need, if I can help them, etc... so many questions. Or if people say they'll call me sometime today. I won't be able to get anything done then, because I'll be waiting for that call to be over all day. But most people know I'm not good with phone calls, so I mostly found my way around it. People should just text or e-mail me instead

 

[AuroraBorealis]

I am very anxious about making phone calls, I'd always prefer to write an e-mail. I don't find them extremely difficult per se, just particularly draining.

A difficulty I do have on phone calls, though, is that I keep interrupting the other person. I seem to have a hard time guessing when my turn to speak is, whether the other person is finished speaking, whether the pause is long enough for me to start speaking.

As said, I find phone calls even more draining than face-to-face conversations. Maybe it's because I need to be even more focused during it. I never did well in long-distance relationship periods, because sooner or later I'd get resentful about "having" to talk on the phone so much. It's very socially draining for me.

With short calls, e.g. at work, my anxiety is getting better because I just need to do them more often, so it's a sort of confrontation. And it's usually about the information being passed along, less about socializing.

 

[FayetheADHDsquirrel]

It's hard to know when it's your turn to talk sometimes and really hard to know how to end the call.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

It's a common issue many of us have to varying degrees. Auditory Language Processing Disorder.

In a face to face situation I'm a very good communicator, but I rely very heavily on body language, facial expressions and lip reading to fully understand what people are saying. Over the phone it's like I'm half deaf, I only hear every second or third word and I have to keep asking people to repeat themselves, or I just pretend that I heard and understood and hang up.

Another aspect of the same issue - lagging behind in conversations.

Talking to just one other person causes me no issues, I can talk to two people at once and still have a good conversation. Bring a third person in and it starts taking me a little longer to respond, bring in a fourth and a fifth and then by the time I've come up with a comment or an opinion the rest of the conversation has already moved on and what I wanted to say would be out of place. So in group conversations I either end up sitting on the sidelines saying nothing, or I dominate the conversation. I don't have to listen when I'm the one doing all the talking.

I seriously hate phones and will go to great lengths to avoid using one, this includes tracking people's exact whereabouts so that I can walk in to their office and introduce myself rather than use the phone.

^^Hit the nail on the head^^

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

I was known for avoiding the phone at work they even joked about this during one of the retirement speeches would rather walk up front to the office,

 

[Xinyta]

I have always been apprehensive to make calls. I immediately worry about what I'll say. And if it's a business of some sort. I wonder if it'll be automated or if a person will pick up. When a automated machine answers, I feel less pressure. And it gives me a chance to think out more what to say.

I know people are not crazy about interacting with a automated machine over the phone. It can get annoying when it doesn't know what you want. But when it works. It's actually easier for me, than talking to a person.

 

[FayetheADHDsquirrel]

I still prefer an actual person so I can actually explain things even if I do it a little awkwardly quite often.

 

[Misty Avich]

I don't like phoning services and things, but I have no trouble with talking on the phone as such.

 

[Judge]

These days I go ballistic with much of any automated response in customer service provided over the phone. Luckily with my cable provider I know the magic of the word, "AGENT" and to use it as soon as possible to get the services of a humanoid.

Though with many other of my vendors, it isn't quite so easy.

Though in my deep past, there was a time where I could hardly talk to anyone on the phone I didn't know. Almost like it was a form of stage fright or something. I hated it.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

I own a cell phone so if my car breaks down I could call for a tow truck 20 years now could count on one hand how frequently I have used it to make calls. I do not give out my phone number, they can call my wife.

 

[Outdated]

These days I go ballistic with much of any automated response in customer service provided over the phone. Luckily with my cable provider I know the magic of the word, "AGENT" and to use it as soon as possible to get the services of a humanoid.

Our largest phone service provider Telstra used an automated voice activated response system for a while and it caused many of us to dump Telstra because it was a US developed system and it couldn't understand Australian accents or common words.

It also had a backdoor cheat that didn't take us long to discover, they were using AI to try and judge the mood of the caller, it was listening to our voice while we were on hold, if you started yelling and screaming and swearing it would immediately switch you through to a human operator.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

We no longer use our house phone, just let it ring 3 times leave message other wise leave us alone.

 

[daniegirl6224]

I looked it up & I think I totally have auditory processing disorder. Thank you for that @Outdated I frequently have to ask people to repeat themselves because I don’t understand the words that come out of their mouth & many people have asked if I have hearing problems. I can’t drive & listen, or do anything except listen for that matter

I tend to do okay on the phone at work because I know what to expect & plan what to say in advance. It’s the social calls, or any call outside of work, that I really struggle with. As someone mentioned, it’s that feeling of dread/impending doom.

 

[Tuffsy]

I always struggle with making and receiving phone calls. I tried to build up my music performing business but I don't answer calls from unknown numbers, which hasn't helped. My business card has my number and then says "send a message and I will get back to you", but nobody ever does. I'm now content with just playing for friends and charity functions.

 

[Outdated]

I don’t understand the words that come out of their mouth & many people have asked if I have hearing problems.

That's the part that confuses us and NTs, most of us have superb hearing, far better than average. Yet voices seem to blur and blend in to all the other sounds around us. NTs seem to be able to focus their hearing on individual voices and screen the rest out, we can't.

And yes, I suffer the same dread about phone calls that others here mention. If I do have to make a phone call it usually takes me 15 or 20 minutes of pacing up and down to work myself up to it.

Noise cancelling headphones really help a lot, connect them to your phone via bluetooth. Or in my case plugged in to my computer, I'm involved in a couple of projects at the moment that require me to be in regular video conferences, active noise cancelling is a godsend.