Hi. i’m Virginia. I am in a marriage where my Husband and I miscommunicate daily which has led to some deep-seated resentments and grievances for both of us. I interact with the world and express myself mostly relationally and emotionally. He interacts with the world mostly logically and expresses himself intellectually. I don’t know how to connect with him more transactionally which seems to be his preference and he has difficulty with my need to be understood emotionally. He has a tendency to watch tv distractedly when I’m talking, fidget, interrupt before I can complete a thought, or walk away from me when I am in mid-sentence. When I let him know this has hurt or frustrated me, he dismisses it by saying “I thought you were done”. I say , “No, you are apparently done listening”.… and so a circular conversation of blame and “I win /you lose” conversation begins instead of hearing each other and resolving the problem. Things of this nature happen repeatedly( every day) and it seems each one is a new criticism of him not ( the way I view it) as different ways in which I feel the same invalidation and disregard. I get angry as this pattern emerges; then it becomes about my anger , how I‘ve raised my voice, ( and if I “would just stop getting upset, we wouldn't have a problem” and I must “stop criticizing him” rather than ( as I see it) complaining about a behavior I would like to replace with a different one. I do believe, if I learn to be more transactional and use less words and create a system to communicate within and maybe a time frame, we could learn to be closer and he might accommodate me. I am writing this thread in the hope that someone who may be experiencing something similar on either side of the equation could give me their insights. I am at my wits end. I love this man. He’s kind overall. He’s gentle. He’s brilliant and professorial which I actually like very much, but I DO want to be heard and respected too because I have my own thoughts and opinions and perspectives Thank you in advance for your thoughts.