Struggling to understand people in text

[CaveDweller]

This is something I wanted to put out there to see if anyone can relate or shed any light on it.

I really struggle to understand people when communicating in text conversations. I fully understand the content of what is written and what it means but find it extremely difficult to read what lies behind the words. By this I mean the intention and motivation behind the words and therefore the tone in which it was written. It's almost like some kind of strange dyslexia in that I am just blind to it and it makes things appear ambiguous.

Because of this I often don't know how to respond or I sometimes read things the wrong way and therefore reply or react inappropriately to what the other person meant. Its all very confusing for both parties at times and causes problems. I never text people because of this and on forums etc I have to tread very carefully or just write things but don't respond to any replies (fear of failure).

Despite research I cannot find any name or explanation for this and I am unsure if it is even related to autism at all.


Can anyone shed any light as I hqve no idea and it does cause difficulties?

 

[Ylva]

It's called literalism. I have it too. The trick is to memorize certain standard metaphors that now "literally" mean what they figuratively mean.

It doesn't solve the whole problem, but part of it.

 

[CaveDweller]

It's called literalism. I have it too. The trick is to memorize certain standard metaphors that now "literally" mean what they figuratively mean.

It doesn't solve the whole problem, but part of it.

Thanks so much. I've been searching around for a while to find the answer to this. It makes you come across as weird at times. I'll look further into it. Cheers.

 

[Nisk]

I find it easier to communicate in texts when I'm talking most times it gives me a chance to make sure what I'm saying is appropriate and conveys what I'm trying to say. It also levels the playing field for me in that I'm not being judged by my tone of voice and I don't have to try and read any body language

 

[Progster]

It can be easy to misinterpret text, because the tone of voice is not there, words that would be emphasised in speech are not emphasised, or because often people don't punctuate their text properly. It's even harder to understand when someone is joking or being sarcastic. It's up to the the person writing to use correct punctuation, emoticons or bold lettters/italics to convey their mood or intentions in place of tone of voice when writing, and when they fail to do so, they can hardly blame others for misunderstanding. Also, having ASD means that one has a tendency to misinterpret things or take things literally, and this doesn't help.

 

[cherryq]

I communicate almost solely in text. (I live alone, the only people I call are my parents, and I have no friends that live in the area, though I will occasionally video-chat with them.) So, since my main form of communication is a text-based atmosphere, I run into issues a lot for the reasons that you specify. I often take things too literally, or I know there is an implied meaning in the words but I can't fully understand it, so I'm left confused. This has caused me a lot of problems with one friend in particular because I often misinterpret what she is saying because for some reason likes to use sarcasm frequently.

Anyway, the best solution I have come up with thus far is to try my best to keep up with what social norms actually are in relation to conversation. If it stretches beyond that and I still am misunderstanding (or know there's a hidden meaning that I can't decipher), I will simply tell whoever I am texting that I don't understand what they are saying. Many times they will reword their thoughts to take a more literal approach if I ask them. Granted, people that I text are only close friends and my parents, so they know that I'm likely on the spectrum and help me out accordingly.

 

[anthoskate]

It can be easy to misinterpret text, because the tone of voice is not there, words that would be emphasised in speech are not emphasised, or because often people don't punctuate their text properly. It's even harder to understand when someone is joking or being sarcastic. It's up to the the person writing to use correct punctuation, emoticons or bold lettters/italics to convey their mood or intentions in place of tone of voice when writing, and when they fail to do so, they can hardly blame others for misunderstanding. Also, having ASD means that one has a tendency to misinterpret things or take things literally, and this doesn't help.

I think that a lot of aspies/auties write very long paragraphs to make sure that they aren't misunderstood.

It takes a long time to write, but at least your message can't be understood any other way because you are eliminating any other possible meanings by going into detail.

 

[Progster]

I think that a lot of aspies/auties write very long paragraphs to make sure that they aren't misunderstood.

It takes a long time to write, but at least your message can't be understood any other way because you are eliminating any other possible meanings by going into detail.

Yes, I tend to do this.

 

[Questella]

I type like 100wpm so in the time I write like several paragraphs usually the person I'm talking too only can write one sentence... ...then they seem to get annoyed and just quit reading anything I try to write to them in the first place...

 

[clg114]

This is something I wanted to put out there to see if anyone can relate or shed any light on it.

I really struggle to understand people when communicating in text conversations. I fully understand the content of what is written and what it means but find it extremely difficult to read what lies behind the words. By this I mean the intention and motivation behind the words and therefore the tone in which it was written. It's almost like some kind of strange dyslexia in that I am just blind to it and it makes things appear ambiguous.

Because of this I often don't know how to respond or I sometimes read things the wrong way and therefore reply or react inappropriately to what the other person meant. Its all very confusing for both parties at times and causes problems. I never text people because of this and on forums etc I have to tread very carefully or just write things but don't respond to any replies (fear of failure).

Despite research I cannot find any name or explanation for this and I am unsure if it is even related to autism at all.


Can anyone shed any light as I hqve no idea and it does cause difficulties?

Non-verbal communication is hard for a lot of Aspies, including myself. Because of this I do not use text ,facebook, twitter or any other type of non-verbal communication other than Aspies Central. Unlike most Aspies, I would rather communicate by speaking directly to whom ever I am trying to communicate with. I believe that this lessens the chance of misunderstanding and hard feelings. It probably should be noted that I am old and old fashion.

 

[Tom]

Its a common problem online for everyone Aspie or NT. A main factor is that the body language is missing and is said to contain up to 75% of any communication. Use of emoticons is helpful in this regard and helps fill in missing body language.

 

[CaveDweller]

Non-verbal communication is hard for a lot of Aspies, including myself. Because of this I do not use text ,facebook, twitter or any other type of non-verbal communication other than Aspies Central. Unlike most Aspies, I would rather communicate by speaking directly to whom ever I am trying to communicate with. I believe that this lessens the chance of misunderstanding and hard feelings. It probably should be noted that I am old and old fashion.

Thanks, that is how I feel. Although it can be difficult talking directly for those reasons, I find it harder in text. I think for younger people it is just second nature but I'm in my mid 40s so the whole texting and social networking thing came along in my 30s and feels completely unnatural. A more shallow and superficial form of communicating, but this is the way of the world today.

I totally get why many on the spectrum may find it easier chatting this way so I cannot knock it. It can be a fantastic way for those who may otherwise be isolated. It's just the social skills I have managed to pick up over the years through observation are kind of lost when it is in text.

 

[camerartus]

The serious arguments I've had with my aspie friend have all been through Facebook Messenger. It's texting on steroids. It doesn't matter if you have aspergers, or not. Texting through anything sucks compared to in person communication.

 

[Suzanne]

One way around this difficultly, is to ask for the texter to add a smilie. Also when saying something serious like: wow I have a headache today LOL that means they feel embarrassed but needed to say it! so LOL after any health issues or sad news, can guarantee they are not truly laughing.

What I like about text is that I can take my time to answer and so, you can use that time to try and read it a few times to try and get the point.

Also if you get truly stuck, you can always post the chat on here and let us help you to discern what it means.

 

[Suzanne]

Thanks, that is how I feel. Although it can be difficult talking directly for those reasons, I find it harder in text. I think for younger people it is just second nature but I'm in my mid 40s so the whole texting and social networking thing came along in my 30s and feels completely unnatural. A more shallow and superficial form of communicating, but this is the way of the world today.

I totally get why many on the spectrum may find it easier chatting this way so I cannot knock it. It can be a fantastic way for those who may otherwise be isolated. It's just the social skills I have managed to pick up over the years through observation are kind of lost when it is in text.

Lol what's my excuse then, for I am 45 and for the most part, seen as a teenager with my texting!

Not sure I agree with it being more of a shallow form, because I find that I am much better texting than face to face. In fact, I take to sending my husband an email now, if I need to talk about something and even though, he is not a true texter, he admits, that we do seem to communicate better, because the true emotions are hidden and we can read at our leisure and thus, answer in a kind way.

 

[CaveDweller]

Lol what's my excuse then, for I am 45 and for the most part, seen as a teenager with my texting!

Not sure I agree with it being more of a shallow form, because I find that I am much better texting than face to face. In fact, I take to sending my husband an email now, if I need to talk about something and even though, he is not a true texter, he admits, that we do seem to communicate better, because the true emotions are hidden and we can read at our leisure and thus, answer in a kind way.

As I say, many find it easier and quite natural text communicating and its pretty much my issue.
Its good if it works for you and your husband and Im sure other couples and families find it more helpful. All my wife ever text me was shopping lists while I was out and about. ;-)

What I meant by shallow and superficial is that you dont really get a feel for the other perons character in the same way as in person. Also conversations are maybe more measured as opposed to having to provide quick replies.

On the other hand you could also say that forums and social networking sites draws people together and removes a lot of age old barriers such as race, class and culture etc. All that matters is what they have to say. In that respect it is better than face to face in my opinion.

 

[Ylva]

What I meant by shallow and superficial is that you dont really get a feel for the other perons character in the same way as in person. Also conversations are maybe more measured as opposed to having to provide quick replies.

I disagree. People script less in writing. It's almost as though they're not as thoroughly conditioned to write in certain patterns.

 

[CaveDweller]

I disagree. People script less in writing. It's almost as though they're not as thoroughly conditioned to write in certain patterns.

Maybe this is just me. When I write I am able to be more considered in my response whereas with talking I feel more like Im flying by the seat of my pants but more natural.