Store employee shouting a greeting as I enter.

[Aspieistj]

I know they are told to do this but I can't stand to be "greeted" as I enter a store. I'm not always certain who speaks to me and it is really annoying if the greeter isn't right at the entrance and I have to locate him/her to return the greeting. I am not there to chat with someone at the register as I enter the door. I have something on my mind that I want to shop for. If I need help I am perfectly capable of asking an employee. Many years ago I traveled through the South Eastern states and I was always met with a sugary greeting. OK--that was Southern hospitality. I would much prefer peace and quiet when I shop in Central NY. Is this something other Aspies also care about?

 

[Ereth]

I've never had an issue with this sort of thing, but I do have some advice. You don't have to chat; just say "Hello," smile, and go about your business. There's no need to talk at length if you don't want to, but be civil.

 

[Arashi222]

Just a thought. Coming from someone who has been told you should greet people. I usually just give a small head nod and keep going on my buiness as an employee at my store. I will say a very quiet hello if I think I need to. I don't like people greeting me but I do understand it and as Ereth said you don't have to respond. You can just ignore them...we get used to that. We just have to greet to make sure that people know we exist and to make the shop lifter uneasy. Its away to say without saying we're keeping an eye on you.

 

[Sparticus]

Once I did telemarketing. I know...don't hold it against me! But what I learned from the most civil customers was this-they simply would say "no thanks, please take me off your list." So as for door greeters, I'd recommend the same strategy "hi, how are you, have a nice day" all said as you walk past them! Or a quicker "Hi" as you walk past them might also work. Good luck!

 

[King_Oni]

It doesn't bother me that much. But then again, I am rarely greeted at a store. Perhaps it has to do with appearance. Perhaps I have this overall look of "don't talk to me" going on. However, it depends on the type of store as well.

One of the main stores I end up is huge electronics retailer... those kind of stores don't have someone at the front desk telling me "welcome". Granted, security sometimes gives me a nod or a "hi"... but I sometimes think it has to do with the fact that I've been mistaken to be a bouncer a few times as well. For what it's worth they think I'm in the same business as them.

 

[Gomendosi]

People may even consider me cruel but I have never had any wish to be accosted upon entrance to any store, if you are giving away stuff you may approach me, if you need my help in some way that would also be fine, otherwise leave me to my shopping experience.
Should I desire help at any time I am prepared to call for it and even to have to wait for someone to become available, but somebody jumping out at you the second you enter the building smacks of desperation for a sale.

Having said that, if any service personnel politely say a quick G'day or hello and leave it at that I am usually good enough to reply in kind, but not a whole spiel that I feel compelled to listen to to be polite, same thing with those ladies that offer taste tests in the supermarket.

If somebody comes to me and asks if they can help I will usually get as much info out of them as I can on a range of unrelated products and then not buy anything, because they wanted to help and they did, now I will go elsewhere and purchase said product... aggressive marketing, push tactics, as well as "friend" sales where you think you should buy something because (insert employees name) is your buddy now, don't work on me any more.

It behooves me to point out I may be somewhat hypocritical, being that I am to this day a salesman and my own current job sees me having to greet customers in the way I myself have said I don't appreciate, is that irony or what.

I limit myself to the basics of announcing the time of day and prefacing it with the supposition of "Good" IE; good day (G'day), good afternoon.
This is completely non-obligatory as it is classed as a throwaway greeting and as such acknowledgment is not required, but depending on the response, I would usually query how their day is or was (according to what time it is).

Using the version above it is actually simple to understand who is and who isn't responsive to this kind of shopping experience and as an Aspie I have always found it valuable to be able to determine which people are approachable, although I am still just as confused as ever when away from the job LOL
I think part of the reason why I abhor the treatment when the roles are reversed is because I know the tactics behind most of what motivates the behaviour of a salesperson and those intentions are not always friendly or indeed, helpful. This is not to say this is always the case, a person should always determine a situation for themselves in the moment of it happening, are they actually out to sell you something extraneous, simply doing their job as required or making a genuine effort to be genial?

I used to find it confusing, but now I have to smile when you say to someone, hello or good afternoon and they respond automatically with "Good thanks" ; ]
(an Australian comedian made regular use of this as a part of the dialogue of one of her characters called Effie, a waitress in a Greek caf

 

[Christy]

My standard reply is "I'm happy to look thanks". It implies you're not likely to buy anything, and they don't waste their time on you.

 

[Aspieistj]

A sales person approaching with a, "May I help you" is a good business practice. Bursting in on my concentration with a phony hello just disrupts my chain of thought. I also abhor the very offensive and all too automatic, "Have a nice day" as I am leaving. It is absolutely cruel if I am on my way to a funeral, my pet just died, or any number of other negative things that may be going on in my life. If I owned a business I would restrict cashiers to a simple, "Thank you for shopping with us." Maybe some NTs out there are in such need of personal contact that this stuff is appreciated. I am far more appreciative of good, efficient service and a polite, generic thank you.

 

[Ereth]

I don't think anybody means to upset you by saying hello or "Have a nice day." It's best not to take these things personally. I have bad days too, but no one is a mind reader---the person saying "Have a nice day" can't tell if you're upset by something else.

And no, I don't think this is an "Asperger's vs. neurotypical" thing. There's no need to be dismissive of others.

Sort of off-topic: Here's something that might cheer you up.

 

[emmvee]

I can't stand it when an employee of a store approaches me. It interrupts my train of thought, and I'm usually doing everything I can to avoid having to speak, let alone make eye contact, with ANYBODY else. I particularly hate it when someone approaches me and offers help- I feel as if I'm obliged to enter a conversation with them.
However, and ironically, when this happens, and I manage to say what it is I've come in to find- they are usually really helpful and direct me right where I need to go, and save me time and effort.
The downside is- sometimes I like to browse, and after the employees in the shop know that I've got what I'm looking for- I feel really uncomfortable to keep looking. Almost like I expect they are going to approach me again and ask me again if they can help, so I usually buy the thing they helped me find, and get out of the shop and drive away, thinking how much I would have liked to have had more of a browse.
I know how silly it all sounds, but that's the way it seems to go.

 

[Judge]

Good subject. Unsolicited social contacts.

When I approach such people entering a store, I know they are doing two things. They are greeting people coming or going, and monitoring for shoplifting/inventory control.

While only recently I learned I have AS, I have known I have some kind of socialization deficit my entire lifetime. While it's been a cannonball tied to my ankle, I have still learned to work with it where and when I can to coexist in an often hostile Neurotypical environment.

This is one of the few rare cases where I can use such people to MY advantage. To reach out and respond to a total stranger greeting me and not have to worry about it. In other words it's simply "practice" for me in socializing that has absolutely no cost or penalty. Nothing threatening or intimidating. It allows me to perform something that might otherwise be arduous for me as an Aspie, and do it with relative ease.

That said, when a salesperson approaches me, yes I almost never appreciate it. Especially those from vendors with a specific sales pitch which involves getting into an unwanted and unproductive conversation. Usually anyone representing Direct TV. I've gotten so I simply tell them a simple truth. "My place faces north." At that point they leave me alone and for good reason.

Then there is the third example. The worst for me. The commissioned salesperson. I cannot handle strangers who choose to "hover" around me only to profit from my anticipated ignorance. That's a hostile environment for me without even having to make actual contact. It is what it is for me in that context and has never improved.

 

[Soup]

Many times, I recall almost jumping right out of my skin due to an overly loud or enthusiastic greeting from a store salesperson. I get that they are told to do this & it is not their fault. Now, the staff at the local pharmacy have taken up this habit. The way the entrance is structured & the aisles are arranged, as you come in,the voice that calls out BONJOURRRRR!!!!! seems strangely disembodied & you cannot tell which coiffed/painted & perfumed smiling woman hollered at you. I'm always caught dumbfounded & staring around to see whether it was a customer talking to someone else, a customer talking to me, or a salesperson greeting someone else or me personally or what. The salesperson who says 'bonjour' should have a lit sign go on over her head that says something like "I said bonjour & I meant it for ______".

These bonjour people, especially the ones armed with PERFUME, are part of the reason I took up online shopping as my default option. whenever possible.

 

[Ereth]

Off-topic, but I couldn't help but laugh when I saw this part of your post:

BONJOURRRRR!!!!!

It reminded me of one episode of The Simpsons wherein Groundskeeper Willie ends up teaching French (I forget why he does).

 

[Dustman319]

Off-topic, but I couldn't help but laugh when I saw this part of your post:



It reminded me of one episode of The Simpsons wherein Groundskeeper Willie ends up teaching French (I forget why he does).

I think it was because the teachers were on strike( I may be wrong)

 

[Banquo]

In the UK this is currently less common than elsewhere but becoming more prevalent. If someone genuinely appears to want to help (even if to sell something) I don't mind too much. I don't like the falsehood of the generic retail company greeting. In a similar vein if I do accept or ask for help I don't mind if they try to 'upgrade' my purchase provided their rationale is about me and what I have asked for rather than a pre-prepared spiel.

I do feel sorry for the people who do those jobs as 90% of their conversations must end in rebuttal and that can't be nice. For that reason I always endeavor to be nice but clear if I don't want to continue. If they try to push me I am ashamed to say I may be a little less tactful.

 

[Ereth]

At least you try to be nice about it, Banquo (love the name, by the way ). I understand that the greetings may upset people and are, by their very nature, less than a hundred percent genuine, but there's no need to be rude in responding to them.

 

[Judge]

At least you try to be nice about it, Banquo (love the name, by the way ). I understand that the greetings may upset people and are, by their very nature, less than a hundred percent genuine, but there's no need to be rude in responding to them.

True enough. Corporate marketing campaigns may be disingenuous, but it doesn't mean the employees carrying them out are as well. People doing jobs like that are no different than those of us who simply need work.

 

[Arashi222]

This is coming from the perspective of someone who has pre-written greetings and such as part of her job. Now at the grocery store where I work we have to greet people or at least acknowledge them whether that is by a simple hello or head nod. Usually i choose the head nod. Just remember that they are doing what they are told. They aren't trying to upset you. They aren't trying to make you loose your train of thought they are simply doing their job. When I have to cashier. I usually don't make eye contact and I do say a simple hello followed by the script of did you find everything ok and did you have a rewards card. That sort of thing. I only engage in extra conversation if it is someone I have waited on for years and who knows me and my interests and such. But still I just feel like people are really upset by this and while it bothers me when people are loud...its just the loud part that bothers me not that they were forced to greet me.

 

[Axeman52]

Fortunately this doesn't seem like a very common thing in the UK, I haven't been in many shops that had greeters, but there are some bigger shops where people who work there will approach customers and ask if they need any assistance and I don't really like this. The chances are if I'm even in there I know exactly why I'm in there and don't need assistance, and if I do, I will ask and will be as specific as possible in asking to try to make sure they know exactly what I want.

Sometimes when asked, the assistants are helpful, but also I often find the "assistance" they offer is more tailored to pressuring people into buying more than they originally came into the shop to buy than actually helping them to find the exact thing they were looking for.

 

[aspieworldcitizen]

I used to live in the US and live in Germany now, and boy do i often miss the people who were at worst pretending to be friendly and who would offer to help. Here people often make you feel like you're interrupting them, and that they are doing you a favor by letting you shop there, and it can be very hard to find someone who's available to help you.. So yes, I could do with some of that US customer service. However, I have to admit that when my husband and I go back to the US, especially the particular area we go to where these people are extra friendly, we just wanna be like, "leave me alone, will you?" It feels a bit too much. I guess a balance would be nice. Those of you who are really bothered by this stuff may want to stay away from China. You will be really annoyed by the shop owners. Japan is also a bit over the top, but they're nowhere nearly as aggressive.

Now, I have to say that I have worked in customer service, and that when I wished people a nice day or the like, I really meant it. Same when I was friendly with them. I really did want to be as helpful as possible, with a few exceptions. And it wasn't uncommon that when I asked people if they needed help, that they hadn't thought that they did, and only realized it when I asked, so it wasn't so bad. What was bad was when we weren't all keeping track of who had already been approached, and you would get the exasperated person who would be like, "You people have asked me four times already!" Also, maybe there should be a sign at the store that you could pickup when you enter that says "just browsing, thanks."

But yeah, overall I would agree with the people who say to just respond politely with as little as possible. Most of these people make crap, so have some mercy on them