Spending countless hours on special interests

[Effy]

Do you find anything wrong with it? I mean, I guess there are other things I should/could do, but when I'm doing something pertaining to my special interests, I'm at my happiest and most pleasant.

Oftentimes, I get so deep into these things that nothing else matters/I don't notice anything else. I'm kind of like a time capsule: I don't realize time has passed, or how much time passed, so sometimes I may start at noon and continue on until midnight.

And I like it. I'm trying to focus making me happy this year, because it didn't go too well last year, and doing this makes me happy.

Why do neurotypicals get so mad/not understand our special interests and the need to do them?

Also, how do I explain to people that I don't need "to get out in the world" in order to live more and be happy? (If I want to, it's a totally different story.)

 

[Balkan1996]

I think I'm a mad-man when it comes to being obsessive with special interest, even for the ASD criteria.

I see nothing wrong with it, special interests keep us intellectually happy, right?
How do you explain other people about it? -You don't. You just keep your mouth shut and hope they'll let you go on the 4th or 5th try. Ignore their ignorance!

Although my life spins over 1 particular special interest, I change to a new 'smaller interest' probably every week or so. When somebody comes to bother me about it, I explain them that I'm interested in this thing and I want to learn everything about it. After that, my duty as a polite citizen is fulfilled and I don't care about their comments.

 

[wyverary]

but when I'm doing something pertaining to my special interests, I'm at my happiest and most pleasant.

Well, there you go! I say keep it up.

Why do neurotypicals get so mad/not understand our special interests and the need to do them?

I'm not sure. Perhaps they just don't know much about AS and how important it is for us. All NT's (or almost all?) have hobbies of some sort; they just aren't as intense as ours sometimes are. New Year's Eve I was riding to a friend's house with another person, and while he is NT, he spent the first half going on and on about his hobby (he has been building his own computer, very impressive sounding actually, and doing the Hackintosh thing, and the second half I went on and on about my own special interest, which is tube-powered hifi equipment. So I suppose it depends.

 

[clg114]

I spend a lot of time on the internet and it's not all here. The information that is just a few key strokes away, is mind boggling. I'm all ways researching something that caught my eye. It seems that the older I get, the more special interests I have. I guess I must be a information junkie. I have a main special interest (machines) and a lot of lesser interests. In the old days, I was always digging through the encyclopedia, which was usually out of date. The internet is the Aspie happy place.

 

[King_Oni]

Maybe it's my lack of NT's in my life, but I never got issues when I isolate myself for days in terms of people asking me what I'm doing. The only thing I can see it interfere with is things like a job and maybe a handful of other obligations.

But then again, I do think that my focus and interest to spend time on my interest might seem a bit excessive even for aspie standards. 60+ hours without sleep, only to sleep for 5 hours, get up and go at it again isn't really weird for me, and that's one of the main issues why even therapists have asked me how I ever see a job fit in (unless it's directly related to my special interests). And honestly, I don't know... I know that if I'm not pursuing anything of interest to me, in the way that it interests me, I'm most likely not a pleasant person who will actively do anything to remove factors that prohibit my activities out of the equation.

I sometimes wish I had people to share my interests with; a friend of mine used to be like that. But he has a job now, so he can't even go remotely near the level of "obsession"... the downside also is that I see something in him I don't want to end up as; ever since he got more "responsible" he has become rather bland without any interest in things at all, for a bit part, due to what he tells me because of the lack of time to get into something. In between 8 hours of sleep and 8 hours of work there's only so much time and those 8 hours aren't nearly enough for him either and he pretty much went "fine, then I'll have no interest and sit on the sofa and play videogames all day"

 

[Kapwned]

As a NT I don't mind but you can't neglect life around you while doing so and many of us view it as unfair because even we NTs would like to be able to just close out the world and hide in our interests uninterrupted for hours on end. If that were the case, hardly anyone would be working right now.

For instance, in my house our back door is located in the den and that is where my nephew (Aspergers) sits and plays Call of Duty and Minecraft. He gets so invested and drawn in that he will have a fit if you ask him to let the dogs out to go to the bathroom. All he has to do is get up for a second and go open the door, let the dogs out, and shut it, 5 seconds tops, and then spend 5 seconds doing it again probably 10 to 15 minutes later. He always makes a huge fuss out of it and gets angry that he's always the one who has to let the dogs in and out (not true). I know he's getting frustrated because he doesn't want to move away or miss a moment of his special interests. And it's not that we don't want him to enjoy them, but we also want to teach him that you can't literally pause or forget life while doing so. The world keeps spinning no matter what you're doing and if you have responsibilities and a household you're expected to contribute to, it's only fair to fulfill those responsibilities. AS or NT.

 

[Effy]

As a NT I don't mind but you can't neglect life around you while doing so and many of us view it as unfair because even we NTs would like to be able to just close out the world and hide in our interests uninterrupted for hours on end. If that were the case, hardly anyone would be working right now.

For instance, in my house our back door is located in the den and that is where my nephew (Aspergers) sits and plays Call of Duty and Minecraft. He gets so invested and drawn in that he will have a fit if you ask him to let the dogs out to go to the bathroom. All he has to do is get up for a second and go open the door, let the dogs out, and shut it, 5 seconds tops, and then spend 5 seconds doing it again probably 10 to 15 minutes later. He always makes a huge fuss out of it and gets angry that he's always the one who has to let the dogs in and out (not true). I know he's getting frustrated because he doesn't want to move away or miss a moment of his special interests. And it's not that we don't want him to enjoy them, but we also want to teach him that you can't literally pause or forget life while doing so. The world keeps spinning no matter what you're doing and if you have responsibilities and a household you're expected to contribute to, it's only fair to fulfill those responsibilities. AS or NT.

I guess that's the difference... I don't really understand why it's wrong--like why NTs don't understand how big of a deal it is to us, or at least to me. Some of my special interests play a part in my work, too, so by doing them, I have an income. And that makes me a workaholic. I raised my siblings, too, and that special interest found me... I can easily raise/watch kids and take care of them and still do what I want, even as the world continues turning.

What you call neglecting life, I call living life.

 

[Kapwned]

That's a bit presumptuous though. NTs can have interests and hobbies that are important to them and make them happy as well. Again, this can be the case for NTs as well. We have passions and hobbies that become our life. I'm a NT and a workaholic too. Until this Christmas I hadn't taken a day off in over a year. I'm a graphic designer which is a hobby and passion for me and it is obviously my work as well. Our workload never ends, we often work on the weekends, and graphic designers are notorious night owls because we get so invested in our work which requires long hours and dedication. I can get lost in drawing fits and get in the zone and lose sleep over my projects and not out of necessity but because it's what I love to do and it's important to me. Honestly I don't know what I'd do career wise if I didn't have graphic design. I too have had people tell me I need to tone it down and step away from the computer. You assume we don't know what it's like, but like I said, I'm sure many NTs if given the chance would be fully invested and engulfed in their interests much like Aspies often do. Drawing makes me happy, graphic design makes me happy, playing online games makes me happy especially since I can connect with my best friends who live far away. But we are taught to maintain a balance. Work then play, and make sure all of our responsibilities and basic needs are met. The only difference I think between NTs and AS is the voice in our head that keeps us aware of the world outside of us and gives us little reminders like "Hey, maybe you should go get something to eat. You haven't eaten in awhile."

Not doing so can have detrimental affects as well. My nephew has developed encopresis because of it. He gets so invested in his interests and activities to the point he won't even go to the bathroom. As a result his bowels naturally constipate because his body was so used to him holding it. This inevitably damaged the lining in his colon and has resulted in us having to take him to the hospital because he was so constipated his bowels were on the verge of tearing. That is not okay for anyone. We can't just let him neglect his health and responsibilities and normal daily parts of life.

 

[Effy]

I guess the part of me that understands the importance of doing things other than my special interest(s) is non-existant, then. And for me, having to do other things, even those as simple as eating and using the restroom, is a huge annoyance. I want to focus all my time on my special interests, and perhaps when I could be making spaghetti, I could be typing up a tag back for an RPG, replying to an email or even reading a friend's latest blog post so I can type up an adequate comment reply--similar to spending money. If I have $10, I'm not gonna spend it on clothes I probably need (people are always saying I need new clothes, but eh)--I'm going to spend it on a domain name or something related to my special interest.

Their priorities are seemingly more important than doing other things, even eating.

 

[kyliewyote]

Hi....I'm new to posting on this site, but have been doing piles and piles of reading and digesting here. (Thank you all for all of your writings). I'm an NT with an Aspie interest, in the very early stages, and also unfortunately a long-distance one (and with a few other logistics to work out). The reading, and now the writing is me working through some things in my own head, life, and relationships.
Coming from an earlier long-term relationship (with an NT, but with the same described hyper-focus on cars), I think one of the "issues" that NTs may have with the hours and focus is a lack of balance with the rest of the time and effort vs the relationship.

I'm pretty darn independent, but I grew tired of hours/days/weeks alone, 'my prior' never joining me in any of my life interests. Yet I spent hours in the garage with him learning about and helping rebuild his car, but then also ended up doing all of the household, yard, and other life 'responsibilities'.

With everything, I think there needs effort and balance. And, it also has to be in a way that is perceived and recognized by the other/recipient.....

 

[Balkan1996]

Hi....I'm new to posting on this site, but have been doing piles and piles of reading and digesting here. (Thank you all for all of your writings). I'm an NT with an Aspie interest, in the very early stages, and also unfortunately a long-distance one (and with a few other logistics to work out). The reading, and now the writing is me working through some things in my own head, life, and relationships.
Coming from an earlier long-term relationship (with an NT, but with the same described hyper-focus on cars), I think one of the "issues" that NTs may have with the hours and focus is a lack of balance with the rest of the time and effort vs the relationship.

I'm pretty darn independent, but I grew tired of hours/days/weeks alone, 'my prior' never joining me in any of my life interests. Yet I spent hours in the garage with him learning about and helping rebuild his car, but then also ended up doing all of the household, yard, and other life 'responsibilities'.

With everything, I think there needs effort and balance. And, it also has to be in a way that is perceived and recognized by the other/recipient.....

Very interesting answer.

You need to know that it's very hard for us to get out of that world sometimes. It's almost like an addiction.

It's very sad that your partner didn't care about your interests, but it's very nice of you that you didn't reply with the same answer. Note that it's a great 'honor' to be a part of Aspie's special interest and not just anybody can be included in it! Hope that makes you feel a little better!


Welcome to the Aspie Central!

 

[kyliewyote]

Thanks for the kindness and the warm welcome. And yes, I'm working to understand so many Aspie aspects (is "Aspiects" a word? it is now!) through this site and I've also already finished 4 of the suggested books in the past 2 months. I'm a very nurturing and accepting person, and in reading a lot of the info, I fit the Aspie-partner description pretty strongly.

I'm actually feeling pretty darn good.....lost myself down the wrong rabbit hole there for a while, and I've found wonderful people as I get back doing the things in life that I love.

And, yes, I am beginning to find that being special in the heart of an Aspie is a lovely thing (although it's only a toe-in-the-water relationship right now, but maybe it's up to the waist for him -- I don't think he's dated in 10+ years or more, and I think it's pretty big to open himself up to me)

And as a ps, even though this is an Aspie forum, it has a lot of wonderful introspection and sharing that anyone could benefit from.

 

[Bikutoso]

When i'm deep into something i don't care for nothing, until i hit a wall at 100 km/h.
Then i just get annoyed and stop everything about that i did until the next day/week/month.

 

[Progster]

I have special interests that I spend a lot of time on, but I also have a strict routine when it comes to eating, drinking, personal hygeine, etc, and this helps keep me in check. There is nothing wrong with having the interests, but I admit that they can affect your relationships with others who have different needs or priorities. My special interests affect me in a slightly different way. I've always had special interests in foreign languages and cultures, and in the pst my desire to persue them was often so strong that I was willing to leave everything to go and live in the country which was my special interest. Obviously, this has had a huge impact on my life and on my relationships.