Special Interests (Love In Particular)

[Cathartes_aura]

When I was younger, I would state why I was breaking up, and it literally was over, he would want to sit and talk about it, but I didn't see the point, I looked at relationships like mechanical parts, if it doesn't work, you've got the wrong part, but I really should have viewed it as an opportunity to improvise it. Now that I'm older, my relationship views have evolved. My NT partner was hurt once, when I shouted "I wish you would read a book, and teach me something".

In other words, I needed constant knowledge feed, and he just couldn't keep up with my brain, which then caused me to get bored really quickly. I apologized, after being given time to think....I realized that it wasn't fair, to demand that my partner talk to me like an audio reference book, and that I needed to understand that some people, don't pick researching as a fun hobby. My partner and I have an extremely passionate relationship, I adore him, and in this...I find him, time and time again.

 

[Thursday]

...does this feeling go away quickly...or is it short-lived? And if it did go away quickly, what caused that? A new special interest or did you just find that you were no longer "connected" to this person?

I did date a number of guys before...as in, eat lunch, watch a movie, go out for coffee, however, I usually ended things cleanly right after the second (sometimes, third) date. Sometimes it's because they've overstepped their boundaries and did something they may have thought to be romantic (like giving my mom a cake behind my back), but made me feel anxious. Other times, I just find that there's no connection worth exploring.

They're not special interests to me. The reason I exert the effort to get to know them at all is that I'm hoping to be able to relate to them. I do know when a person is physically attractive, but rarely do I prioritize that over having a mind I can learn from. My husband is the one who has and continues to mentally stimulate me and is loyal: the two traits I most value.

As for my exes, well one had a different idea of being "loyal". He would be all right taking a nap beside another girl and have texts and e-mails from that called him pet names. We were together for three years but the trust issues made the relationship tiring and it ended for the both of us. With the other one, there was just no chemistry at all.

When you have ended romantic relationships (not due to infidelity but maybe other reasons), did you discuss it with the person or did you just stop communicating with them with no explanation?

I don't like being the one who ends the relationship...despite the problems, I feel like once I love someone, I don't want to quit on that person. Anyway, the first one discussed it with me. He was hesitant to end the relationship but as soon as he said it was over I gave him back his things and never initiated communications. When he did contact me years later, we discussed things and he wanted to get back together. I declined.

There was no such discussion with the second one, however, we ended a little less dramatically. I completely stopped communication both times, not even to say "hi" when I would meet the second one at school. We did smile at each other, but that's about it.

 

[jamesaldrin]

I think that people with Autism's special interests tend to be things like trains or spiders - not human beings.

 

[Ylva]

Relationships are nothing like "special interests". Relationships are always social; interests practically never are.

How long was this interest able to really capture your attention before it got old/boring (6 months, a year, still together)?

It was never about how boring it was. It was always about how connected I felt. When a person loses interest in me I tend to lose interest in them. When a person gets manipulative with me, I immediately lose interest in them.

And if you ended the relationship, was there something in particular that happened to make you lose interest (i.e. another hobby, a new love interest)?

They got manipulative. End of story.