Multiple times throughout my life, I've experienced having a person as a special interest. It usually feels like a very intense "I need to know all about you - even the stuff you don't want me to know". But what/who I thought was my latest special interest, might have turned to me being in love. It's no longer the "I need to know everything", but more like "I really want an emotional connection. I want to hug you goodnight, and I want to say good morning. I want to share the rest of my life and have us create "team us". I want to plan holidays with you, and meet your family. I want to experience new things with you, and I want to be silent together, while we both just do our own things. But most importantly, I want you to feel happy, safe and respected." And I've never had those emotions before in my life. Granted it's been a few years since my last special interest being in a person, but am I experiencing what NTs would describe as falling in love?
Do any of you have experiences with both sensations, and could you describe how it felt to you? I know we're all unique and experience love and interests in our own way. But it would be very helpful if you could share how it felt for you.
I have had something like this, I think. My first and only long-term relationship isn't the example, but I only mention that to contrast my experiences with relationships throughout young adulthood. In high school I was prone to
limerence and just pure unrequited love. I had crushes all the time on all kinds of girls, which I was always awkward about and had no idea how to initiate (largely due to
*coughs* my autism and lots of insecurities) and these crushes would just go nowhere. I fixated on the
idea of a relationship, and was admittedly an incel and nice-guy all in one. I didn't understand why girls I was attracted to made me just so nervous.
Things changed in college, where I was drawn to one particular girl for reasons which I couldn't identify. A fellow musician whose presence was calming and soothing, but I was still giddy and full of butterflies. Yes, I was attracted to her physically but there was also something
more than that. I felt I could be safe with her--as if there was some mutual connection which I had no idea how to identify. I didn't love her, or lust for her (but being an inexperienced young man, how could I tell the difference between the two?) but I just...we
both felt as though we needed one another in one another's lives. The trouble was that a
lot of guys (all of us similar) had this sense of being drawn to her; it was mystifying.
Things did not progress, though we tried to keep in touch during the summer which was troublesome for her due to health issues, and plans for marriage with a fellow Catholic which ended up not happening. When returning to school, we kept in touch online for a little while until one day when she just...stopped showing up to school. I was distraught and beside myself--for
years I fixated on just knowing what happened to her--was she well and safe? It was jarring to not hear
anything from her. I figured I must've done something wrong for her to just...cut contact. To this day I have no idea what happened, but I stopped falling into escapism and intrusive thoughts regarding her.
Aside from all of that, my long-term relationship is essentially what OP has described above. It's been a long road and we've learned a lot about one another, and each day with them is a gift.
