Something Strange (POTENTIALLY SENSITIVE)

[Sylar]

I'll start off by saying that I thought about making this thread yesterday and was put off by the idea, but it's been driving me crazy and I really want to know what other people think. This will also be slightly related to religion so I ask that any replies are civil and on-topic to avoid more locked/deleted threads on this site.

My story is that for a few years now I've been a pretty sad person with a sad existence, I never leave the house, I have no friends, that sort of thing. Over time I started to get stronger urges to just kill myself and get it over with. As you can see, that never happened. But the thoughts still persisted. A few weeks ago I was drawn to the idea of religion for no reason(?) the same was I've randomly had the urge to watch tv shows I'd written off only to discover I love them. So I started reading up on Christianity and even started reading the bible and found that the next day I felt a lot better about myself.

Even though I stopped reading the bible a few days later, and never made any steps to converting to religion, I still found myself feeling better. Even though nothing about my behaviour changed, I still found at least a small section in the back of my mind not being able to let it go. Whether I believed it or not (I'm still not sure if I do) the concept of God wouldn't go away. And over the weeks, my self-hatred, my anger and suicidal thoughts have all slowly been going away. While I still drink too much to be considered healthy, my drinking did cut in half.

Since that period began, I've only had one low point. A few days ago when I realise how crazy (or coincidental, at least) the above sounded, and I immediately started to give up hope and wanted to die again. Then yesterday I was ironing my clothes and in the pile was a t-shirt I'd never seen before. On the front of it is an image of Jesus. I have no idea how that t-shirt got into my house. That part is bad enough, but earlier that day I'd watched The Da Vinci Code after having an urge and found out that Mika has released a new album named No Place in Heaven. Of course it could all be coincidence, and I never even noticed the 3 links to religion in the same day until the t-shirt.

I have no idea what happened and really want to know your thoughts. How did the t-shirt get there? Remember to not turn this into a thread of insults.

 

[NTgirl4276]

hi, Sylar! i'm glad to hear that something--whatever this may be!--has grabbed at you and won't let go and, most importantly, is warding off some darker thoughts.

i can't say i know what "happened." i'm not a religious person (though I was raised in a Catholic family), but i know that religion is a very productive and significant part of many people's lives. and even though i'm not religious, i am fairly spiritual; i have strong beliefs and I likewise sometimes find comfort in the idea of some Force in the Universe... what others may call their God(s). while i can't necessarily get on board with most religious dogma/doctrine, i do tend to concede that there must be something more beyond human existence and rationality. so, maybe these are coincidences, sure, but maybe it's the universe reaching out to you.

in a way, i think it's better not to know. for me, the hope is often in the mystery. in those moments when you want to perhaps seize autonomous control and "get it over with," something in the world happens to remind you that the world is still around you, and with you, and perhaps gives you the strength and curiosity to keep seeing where this wacky unpredictable ride might take you.

and for the record, you don't sound crazy. at all.

 

[Sylar]

Thanks for the reply. I agree with you with curiosity. I'm sure the only reason I never went ahead and killed myself is because I could never be sure what my future was and I just have to know. I mean, at worst it's the same as it was and I got by, at best all of my dreams come true. You'll never know if you don't live it. I'm more tempted than ever to turn to religion now but am still not completely sold. I'm from an atheist family so if I ignore any religious theme here it's that finding something to take your interest helps with your problems.

I have to say that the t-shirt thing has really scared me though. I cannot explain it.

 

[NTgirl4276]

I can understand your reaction, given the apparent religious theme going on. but perhaps it's not necessarily religion, per se, but something right now that is pulling at you--and maybe your atheist background contributes to that. in other words, since religion hasn't been a part of your life or your ways of making sense of the world, it piques your curiosity in moments like this. it presents unanswered questions, little threads that you just have to persist in pulling at.

so, I guess if I were in your position, I probably wouldn't see it as "turning to religion," but following this curiosity for now, knowing that something else may catch my interest another day. exploring religion does not necessarily have to mean conversion, right?

 

[Warmheart]

Sylar, thank you for being here, being present with us. You are a person of great worth. You matter. You are not defined by your struggles, but rather by your gifts. Your strengths are simply waiting to be expressed. When your challenges are supported, you do better. You are someone wonderful, worthy of love and kindness-- and you have love and kindness within you.

We are all connected, we "inter-are." The happiness of one, impacts the happiness of all.... people, plants, animals, minerals. You are not alone. You are cared for, and cared about. I believe in your beauty and strength. I believe in you.

 

[AsheSkyler]

When I was in church there were a lot of people telling tales of how they were depressed, suicidal, addicts, or whatever their vice was, and how they got out of it after discovering the Bible. Maybe it was God, maybe it was the idea of a better life, or perhaps they were just inspired or needed a new goal to back to bring a sense of purpose to their lives, but religion has often been a haven for those having a hard time for quite a while. Perhaps religion or the principals of religion is what you need right now? Besides, like NTgirl4276 said, you don't have to convert. I personally quite enjoy reading up on Buddhism, but I am not a Buddhist in the slightest.

 

[ASD_Geek]

I am not sure about the T-shirt but I am a Christian and I believe that what you experienced was true. The Bible itself speaks that Faith comes by hearing and hearing by the Word of God (the Bible).

I would encourage you to continue to read the Bible. There are wonderful chapters that give peace, comfort and hope.

I'm here if you'd like to talk more about it.

 

[Tom]

Hi,
Religion is a personal thing to me, and so I normally don't talk about it. But I did want to say that gaining a belief was a very helpful step for me and I have never felt utterly alone since. I do understand there may be nothing to it and is no objective proof, but thats ok cause as I mentioned its sort of an internal thing and not something I use to interact with others.

 

[Ste11aeres]

This is an awkward thread for me to reply to, since I'm a devout Catholic but know that most of those who will read this are not. But I would say, go ahead and explore this thing. It hasn't done you any harm so far, in fact it helped you.

 

[Harrison]

Belief is a powerful thing, belief arising from sychronicity more so.

Whilst I am not religious I have studied the main religions and acted as an interfaith minister in the past. One of the things I found most powerful within all faith was the allusion to hope. All religious texts teach the intrinsic struggle of being human, of facing challenges that may well bring us to our knees or exhalt us to high praise.

Struggle, the overcoming of, sometimes, incredible odds are motifs we need in our lives. To know that what we are doing, what we are experiencing will, eventually, be worth the fight.

I have had moments too in my life when I am in awe of the circumstance I find myself in, that I understand in that moment I am not alone.

If reading the bible brings you comfort, so be it. For me, my faith is between me and whatever there is, and requires no congregation or building. But there is nothing wrong in accepting that into your life either, choose what feels right, what honours your internal truth. If there is a god I'm sure she won't mind whether you pray in a church amongst many, or in the solitude of your own heart.

Peace.

 

[Judge]

I have to say that the t-shirt thing has really scared me though. I cannot explain it.

Be startled, but don't be scared. If and when you've exhausted any and all other possibilities, embrace the reality that the world as you thought you knew it to be is something very different. Some of us are privileged to discover this...with or without religion.

 

[Beverly]

I am not a Christian, I follow the native American beliefs. That said, I believe that the Christian God and my Great Spirit are one ant the same, the being I know as White Buffalo Woman is the equivalent of the Christian Jesus.

Regardless of the names you give them, those beings can and do act in ways we cannot understand. They could have, and I think did cause all of that to happen in your life. I would take the shirt as a message meaning "Let me cover you, I will take care of you if you will only "wear" me." In other words, find your own path to believe in and honor the spirit(s) or Deity that has done this for you.

The Christian symbolism may simply be Great Spirit's way of presenting it in a form you will understand and be willing to accept. Personally, I thing the Great Spirit, God or whatever name you prefer is the same being, only different names make him more personal to each of us, so choose your name and, explore, see where it leads.

 

[Maelstrom]

"Sylar, So I started reading up on Christianity and even started reading the bible and found that the next day I felt a lot better about myself.

Since that period began, I've only had one low point. A few days ago when I realise how crazy (or coincidental, at least) the above sounded, and I immediately started to give up hope and wanted to die again. Then yesterday I was ironing my clothes and in the pile was a t-shirt I'd never seen before. On the front of it is an image of Jesus. I have no idea how that t-shirt got into my house. That part is bad enough, but earlier that day I'd watched The Da Vinci Code after having an urge and found out that Mika has released a new album named No Place in Heaven. Of course it could all be coincidence, and I never even noticed the 3 links to religion in the same day until the t-shirt.

I have no idea what happened and really want to know your thoughts. How did the t-shirt get there? Remember to not turn this into a thread of insults.

So Sylar I don't normally do this, because some people think I came to aspieland to push religion which is totally not true. I was hurting on lost love, and looking for people like me, I had just found out I was a auspie. I actually am not the most wonderful christian, I'm more of a jaded preachers son who's seen too many stupid people doing stupid things. I had a day a few years ago when I just felt for no reason that I would be lost if I didn't change the course of my life, and I mean I almost heard it whispered in my ear, scared me half to death. I had a angel save my life once when little, picked me up and put me back on a tree when I was about to fall to my death. I have run into the dark side a few times too, very scary, the hair stands up on the back of your neck, you never forget it, if it happens to you. So yes a Angel could have put that shirt there some how. I don't know, but I have noticed reading the Bible or Ellen White which is basically the bible brought to life, does seem to sooth my soul. And I certainly need that, lots of bad people messing with me right now. Follow your heart and read the more fun books in the bible first, there is some strange stuff hidden in the bible that you never hear in church, major S/F stuff. Best wishes to you on your journey in life, Mael

 

[Epicurean Pariah]

Well..... I think that the feeling of deep despair is so destructive to ones personhood that the custom crafted, just for you, artisan soul, withers and dies. The body and mind needs our interest to live and for good or bad, people are susceptible to any reason to live. I am an old fool and am probably irrelevant in this, I hope, brave new world.
Some how this young mans voice seems relevant. I think he was trying to say that if your tired of going in circle make a break and regain your own soul, not that of another. Maybe not.

Our Human Condition
A thousand laughs, perhaps a thousand jeers
May bring forth feelings of a thousand fears.
Things that are not real but things we see
Are often confused with our reality.

We hoard our souls and then launch a smile.
With frequent confusions and the churning of bile,
And not a word of righteous dissension,
We work and sweat and pray to get our pension.

The few that care for the many that hate
Too often burned warily they hesitate.
A midst the screaming silence that no one hears
Equates with nothing but oceans of tears.

I can not know you if I do not know me
And perhaps it's only our true destiny.
To go round and around in life's turnstiles
For thousands of years and a few billion miles.

Or perhaps tomorrow presents a new perspective and a new vision. As you choose, I made my choice long ago. That vision is another story

 

[Epicurean Pariah]

Thanks for the reply. I agree with you with curiosity. I'm sure the only reason I never went ahead and killed myself is because I could never be sure what my future was and I just have to know. I mean, at worst it's the same as it was and I got by, at best all of my dreams come true. You'll never know if you don't live it. I'm more tempted than ever to turn to religion now but am still not completely sold. I'm from an atheist family so if I ignore any religious theme here it's that finding something to take your interest helps with your problems.

I have to say that the t-shirt thing has really scared me though. I cannot explain it.

Don't be scared of things you can't explain. We are clever but the universe still has some surprises for us, I hope.

 

[Epicurean Pariah]

Sylar, thank you for being here, being present with us. You are a person of great worth. You matter. You are not defined by your struggles, but rather by your gifts. Your strengths are simply waiting to be expressed. When your challenges are supported, you do better. You are someone wonderful, worthy of love and kindness-- and you have love and kindness within you.

We are all connected, we "inter-are." The happiness of one, impacts the happiness of all.... people, plants, animals, minerals. You are not alone. You are cared for, and cared about. I believe in your beauty and strength. I believe in you.

Warmheart, exactly perfect!

 

[Aspergirl4hire]

You're being messaged.

Some can suggest that because you're paying attention to God that you are now seeing Him. There's science behind the saying that we see what we look for, and even more so, that we see what we believe.

And some can say the t-shirt was there for you to find.

I hold that it doesn't matter. You're being messaged, for you have sought One while He was willing to be found. Keep listening. You are where you should be, doing what you should do, and I for one believe that the power of God can do infinitely more than we can ask or imagine, provided we are willing to do one thing: be available.

Which you're doing.

Carry on.

 

[Epicurean Pariah]

I am not a Christian, I follow the native American beliefs. That said, I believe that the Christian God and my Great Spirit are one ant the same, the being I know as White Buffalo Woman is the equivalent of the Christian Jesus.

Regardless of the names you give them, those beings can and do act in ways we cannot understand. They could have, and I think did cause all of that to happen in your life. I would take the shirt as a message meaning "Let me cover you, I will take care of you if you will only "wear" me." In other words, find your own path to believe in and honor the spirit(s) or Deity that has done this for you.

The Christian symbolism may simply be Great Spirit's way of presenting it in a form you will understand and be willing to accept. Personally, I thing the Great Spirit, God or whatever name you prefer is the same being, only different names make him more personal to each of us, so choose your name and, explore, see where it leads.

Perhaps all belief systems and science also are all saying pretty much the same thing. Oh the metaphors and algorithms may be expressed in different terms with different definitions.
What seems to be a point of agreement is,we choose to manifest our own optimum human condition in at least one but perhaps more universes at and by will. Will is the expression of soul.
Perhaps a strong will is indicative of a strong soul. Verily I say unto you, and I am not kidding here, where there is no will, there is no way.

 

[Maelstrom]

"Epicurean Pariah, post: 230500, member: 13464"]Perhaps all belief systems and science also are all saying pretty much the same thing. Oh the metaphors and algorithms may be expressed in different terms with different definitions.
What seems to be a point of agreement is,we choose to manifest our own optimum human condition in at least one but perhaps more universes at and by will. Will is the expression of soul.
Perhaps a strong will is indicative of a strong soul. Verily I say unto you, and I am not kidding here, where there is no will, there is no way.

I wouldn't go so far as to say all truths are the same, but the end goal (being a better person), can have many paths that converge on it. However the natural laws of God are eternal, and absolute, people are not tho, and sometimes we wander through the weeds for years before we find our way, and even then we are still a work in progress. I think of it as finding your compass, you aren't lost but there still may be a endless amount of brush to hack through and mountains to cross, the important thing is you know your way home, not how long it takes. still working on it my self

 

[Vinca]

My background with Christianity is that I grew up in a Cristian home and going to church. I had a bible when I was around 9 years old, and whilst I was familiar with bible stories, I did not understand what I read in my bible, it didn't make any sense to me (maybe due to dyslexia?). But I clearly remember that I always felt better after reading the Psalms and Proverbs, they had a calming effect on me and I felt more at peace. I had time away from God during my teenage years+ but came back to God in recent years. I still find the Psalms to be of particular benefit to calming a troubled mind/heart as well as worship music. One song that I find particulary helpful when I have a troubled mind is His Voice (makes the difference)

I believe that being a Christian means having a relationship with God as a pose to following a religion and that Salvation comes through faith in who Jesus is and what He did at Calvary and not through works (following a list of do's and don'ts).