Socializing within special interest

[daniegirl6224]

Do your autism traits decrease when you are enjoying your special interest with others who share that interest?

In Junior high & high school my special interest was Christianity. I have never felt at home in a group more than I did with my youth group. I felt like I was my true self, and don’t think I masked in this setting. In pretty much every other group situation I subconsciously/automatically mask and dissociate and have a lot of social anxiety.

So my question: If I find another group that shares one of my special interests, is it more likely that I will not mask, be my true self, and feel more connected? Have you experienced this?

 

[Judge]

I've been in that scenario before. Though it wasn't that I sensed my autistic traits and behaviors diminishing or a need to mask them.

That ultimately it was that the NTs around me who didn't seem to care.

 

[daniegirl6224]

I've been in that scenario before. Though it wasn't that I sensed my autistic traits and behaviors diminishing or a need to mask them.

That ultimately it was that the NTs around me who didn't seem to care.

Yes that probably has a lot to do with it… this group accepted me as I am. What type of group did you experience this with?

 

[Judge]

Yes that probably has a lot to do with it… this group accepted me as I am. What type of group did you experience this with?

I am (or was) an accomplished plastic modeller. Amongst an organized group of plastic modellers, who acknowledged me as such. Validated through awards in numerous annual contests.

Though eventually the whole bit of monthly socialization and competition got to me...and I withdrew from my only real one social circle.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

I have never shared my special interest, until I joined this forum, just kept it to myself.

 

[Misty Avich]

I used to be obsessed with certain people, and that made me become quite extroverted around them with no social anxiety at all. Relatives used to predict that if one of the men I had a crush on came up to me and spoke to me I'd run away or something. Well, I proved them wrong lol, because I was delighted if they ever did go up to me and speak. I'd just speak back very confidently.

 

[daniegirl6224]

New conclusion: I masked less because I was involved in my special interest & I let my walls down & could be my true self. The people in this youth group were accepting of my true self, so I felt connected. Moving forward, I just need to find people who are accepting of who I am, and having an interest in common may help. Thank you for your help on this @Judge

 

[Judge]

I used to be obsessed with certain people, and that made me become quite extroverted around them with no social anxiety at all. Relatives used to predict that if one of the men I had a crush on came up to me and spoke to me I'd run away or something. Well, I proved them wrong lol, because I was delighted if they ever did go up to me and speak. I'd just speak back very confidently.

I just am just a bit more relaxed around people I like, and more importantly who have no leverage on me whatsoever. Allowing my better side to come out sometimes and lowering those "walls" that I have as well. Whether involving my autism or not.

And the reciprocal in the social sense has seldom helped me. Surrounded by those I don't really know who don't really know me, but who for whatever reason inherently have leverage over me, usually associated with employment.

 

[Outdated]

New conclusion: I masked less because I was involved in my special interest & I let my walls down & could be my true self.

Yes, it's all about self confidence. In certain circumstances you found your self confidence and that makes people have more respect for you. People will accept all sorts of differences as long as you're confident and believe in yourself.

Its a catch22 situation. If you're shy and nervous it makes other people nervous and unsure of you. They wonder what sort of mental issues you might have and if you're hiding a knife up your sleeve. They won't trust you.

Being bold and confident wins people over, even if it turns out that you are a sadistic killer. It comes back to that same old addage that is so common people think of it more as a cliché, but it's very real.

If you don't have respect for yourself others won't respect you either.
If you don't love yourself others won't love you either.

Walk in with fake confidence and be yourself, the way people respond to you will soon turn that fake confidence in to real confidence.

 

[Nervous Rex]

If I'm in an environment where I can share my enthusiasms with others who are genuinely interested, I think that the autistic trait that disappears is "fear of doing wrong in a social situation." - that is the same masking that other posters have mentioned.

 

[Tom]

It depends on what the interest was. Some yes, like collecting or history, some no like certain sports.

 

[RemyZee]

My autism traits increase around people who share my interests rather than decrease. Don't know how to explain it

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

Went to party yesterday, sitting on couch guy next to me started chatting to another guy a truck driver, who mentioned, his grand father had a farm, and how his dad and uncles did not want to take it over He would have liked to take it over, then the conversation went to tractors Allis Chalmers in particular. One of my special interest is tractors. My favorite manufacturer happens to to Allis. I satback quietly said nothing. Life as an Aspie.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

Spoke to wife after she knows guys wife, next party I now know he is into Allis tractors.

 

[Matthias]

Do your autism traits decrease when you are enjoying your special interest with others who share that interest?

In Junior high & high school my special interest was Christianity. I have never felt at home in a group more than I did with my youth group. I felt like I was my true self, and don’t think I masked in this setting. In pretty much every other group situation I subconsciously/automatically mask and dissociate and have a lot of social anxiety.

So my question: If I find another group that shares one of my special interests, is it more likely that I will not mask, be my true self, and feel more connected? Have you experienced this?

There's some evidence that low levels of oxytocin contribute to some autistic traits. Spending time with people you trust who share your values can increase oxytocin levels, which may explain the improvement in your autistic traits. In my experience, spending time with people I trust who share my values noticeably lessens some of my autistic traits. However, merely sharing a special interest with people I don't trust or who don't share my values doesn't seem to affect my autistic traits. Therefore, I think the shared values (Christianity), which likely resulted in increased trust, played a larger role than merely sharing a special interest.

 

[Judge]

My autism traits increase around people who share my interests rather than decrease. Don't know how to explain it

You don't need to. My experience as well. Usually getting me into quick trouble with NTs who aren't accustomed to such enthusiasm or degree of interest. Particularly with my own kin.

 

[RemyZee]

You don't need to. My experience as well. Usually getting me into quick trouble with NTs who aren't accustomed to such enthusiasm or degree of interest. Particularly with my own kin.

why can't nt's appreciate our enthusiasm? If they experienced some of that they would be much happier people.

 

[Judge]

why can't nt's appreciate our enthusiasm? If they experienced some of that they would be much happier people.

Good question. I think I can only speculate this based on my own experience, particularly with relatives. That it involves another NT "unwritten" social protocol, perhaps that parallels their love of small talk.

That many of us tend to truly enjoy intense discussions involving more complex subjects. Which may admittedly at times take more "brain power" to keep up with us. Something resented as in their world they prefer more relaxed and benign subjects to talk about without feeling intimidated.

Almost as if it's a social "no-no" to act in such a manner outside an academic environment. Perhaps similar to some giving us a dirty look if we sincerely ask them what their favorite subject in school was. When they'd rather reminisce about cheer-leading and football than any intellectual pursuits.

As if it's somehow forbidden to use your mind in front of others in less formal circumstances.

Does that make any sense to you or anyone else reading this? I don't recall attempting to explain this, though it's clear to me that a number of us have had to contend with such issues other than how we can all agree that small talk comes easy for them, but often difficult for us.

And that there's more to it...

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

Why I liked dealing with supplier reps and why they liked interacting with me. My special interest was their product.

 

[Judge]

Why I liked dealing with supplier reps and why they liked interacting with me. My special interest was their product.

Point taken, and worth remembering. That when your enthusiasm might mix with your job in whole or in part, your employers are bound to appreciate it.

Even if and when they may contradict social protocols that may not always make sense to autistic minds.