social relationships after grief

[dsfu]

Hi

I had a question about social relationships after grief. I lost my mother who was my best friend and really only person I trusted. I was wondering if for other people in this situation, if trusting people or making connections either friendly or romantic got easier? So far, it just seems even harder than it was before?

Also, any resources would be helpful.

Thank you.

 

[Giraffes]

Hello sorry for your loss, not sure they have got easier many things can be a challenge, in my top 3 is connections both friendships and romantic, what's got better recently and partly due to joining here is my 'knowing myself better ' leading to attempts to improve my boundaries,accept my Autism and leave a relationship 'cause'
i was unhappy and we had different value systems and a unwillingness/ inability to change.
Give yourself time to adjust losing your( as you describe) 'my best friend, and the only person i trust', just an idea...... why not write a journal to recall all the great experiences you and your Mother shared? also this may provide a list of character and personality tracts you like as a template for finding new friends, take care of yourself and once again sorry your Mother is gone.

 

[George Newman]

Hi there, dsfu. I love my mom very much. My heart would hurt if she were to pass. I can see that you miss her dearly.

In my experience, trusting people and making connections has not gotten easier for me. I think that I have grown more comfortable with the difficulty of the process as I have grown older. I’m not great at it but I seem to not fret as much about being vulnerable and friendly. It’s exhausting.

These days I find myself working more on developing into someone who might be a good friend than trying to make friendships happen. The few friends I have, have happened in surprising ways not like I would have guessed.

In my middle age, I seem to be more relaxed and a smidge more confident. I’m still uncomfortable and I have to talk to myself in my head and take a chance. Success? Probably less than average for me.

This is a good topic for us to consider together. Thank you for posting it.

 

[Aspychata]

I went thru a pretty bad marriage followed by a bad divorce. I have a very hard time with relationships. I don't trust. I grieve my loss of my ex but he is different then l thought he was. I have a hard time because of different mgs and l get loss trying to figure out what the msg is buried under all the double msgs. Friendships have been difficult but l am getting better at them-finally. So your grief overrides a lot of your emotions but also you can discover who your true friends are.

 

[Thinx]

It's very hard to lose someone you love, I am sorry for your loss of your mother. Grief takes time to process, but I have found very gradually the happier memories and who the person was, become the strongest. I do actively converse with people or pets that are gone, and I find that helps me feel good about who they were for me, and feel that they are still around.

Also think about what they would want for you, as this can help at times, if you need some motivation to get out and about, or achieve a social event that may lead to you feeling better.

 

[SusanLR]

Welcome dsfu.

This is a topic many of us seem to have faced.
It's how I found I had Asperger's. I couldn't get over the loss of my mother either.
She was my best friend, only one I trusted and truly felt loved by.

It has been seven years now and it has not gotten any better or different on how I feel
about trying relationships.
I never had close friends or relationships ever in my life except for my parents and never
lived with anyone else.
I just seemed to withdraw even more after the loss and feel the totally alone sorrow everyday.
I'm in CBT, but, nothing much changes and at my age I doubt it ever will.

We can always hope. Wishing you the best.

 

[dsfu]

Hi. Thank you for the response. I have also found that my Dad has trouble getting a lot of conversation out of me. He is not the greatest conversationalist either, so that makes it tougher. I have not had many interactions beside him, but those seem harder as well. I was already withdrawing some before she died, so that did not help at all! It does help to have some support. Also, wishing you the best.