*Sorry if this seems like rambling, im not trying to.....*
I think i just figured out a huge part of my social issues, but not sure what to do about it. I hate being the center of attention. I hate parties centered around me didn't want a graduation party or bday parties. When unwrapping gifts i have occasionally felt this awful feeling when everyone in the group is watching me. Couldn't stand people standing around singing happy birthday to me. When teachers would bring me to the center of attention i would always kinda like shrink back in a shy way and try my hardest to get the focus off of me. Even if it was a compliment, despite how rare that was.... i was always bullied a lot and had many times where the class would laugh at me and mock me.
I was thinking about those past experiences and realized the reason why i don't like social groups is most likely because when it gets around to my turn to talk i get this deep pressure of worrying how people are going to react to what i say. Its like they're wolves and just ready to say something hurtful. I think its linked to all the negative reactions and bullying i have dealt with. I want to be social but always feel like if I do that i'll have more negative experiences. I also feel like i am always trying to formulate and put together what i want to say in a way so it is as accurate as possible and least likely to make me stand out/seem socially awkward but still seem to do something wrong at times. It just gets to me, ya know... :/ #shrug.... I guess i just have a lot of emotional scars in my memory. I wish people could be more kind instead of being rude and mean. Or is it just that they think its that damn funny sometimes... and that im that socially awkward...... :|
Anyone else have this issue? Or something similar? Is it even possible to have good social interactions in groups? Any advice would be appreciated, would love to figure this out and get rid of this issue.... Is this common with aspies or is this just social anxiety issues? Or do aspies often have social anxiety as well?
I think i just figured out a huge part of my social issues, but not sure what to do about it. I hate being the center of attention. I hate parties centered around me didn't want a graduation party or bday parties. When unwrapping gifts i have occasionally felt this awful feeling when everyone in the group is watching me. Couldn't stand people standing around singing happy birthday to me. When teachers would bring me to the center of attention i would always kinda like shrink back in a shy way and try my hardest to get the focus off of me. Even if it was a compliment, despite how rare that was.... i was always bullied a lot and had many times where the class would laugh at me and mock me.
I was thinking about those past experiences and realized the reason why i don't like social groups is most likely because when it gets around to my turn to talk i get this deep pressure of worrying how people are going to react to what i say. Its like they're wolves and just ready to say something hurtful. I think its linked to all the negative reactions and bullying i have dealt with. I want to be social but always feel like if I do that i'll have more negative experiences. I also feel like i am always trying to formulate and put together what i want to say in a way so it is as accurate as possible and least likely to make me stand out/seem socially awkward but still seem to do something wrong at times. It just gets to me, ya know... :/ #shrug.... I guess i just have a lot of emotional scars in my memory. I wish people could be more kind instead of being rude and mean. Or is it just that they think its that damn funny sometimes... and that im that socially awkward...... :|
Anyone else have this issue? Or something similar? Is it even possible to have good social interactions in groups? Any advice would be appreciated, would love to figure this out and get rid of this issue.... Is this common with aspies or is this just social anxiety issues? Or do aspies often have social anxiety as well?