Social Issue Advise Needed...

[e79243]

I have a very hard time meeting and chatting with people. I must have a very strange vibe. My 13 year old daughter is pretty and popular and a cheerleader. She makes friends at school easy. All of her friends, their parents will always say no to spending the night at my house or even hanging out with my daughter. I do not tell my daughter why the parents say no all the time. They say no all the time because they feel uneasy around me. Every time there is some event I try to go up and talk to them but my vibe is so off they feel uneasy around me so now they will not let their kids hang with my daughter. My daughter does not get it. I do. I will try to get to know the mothers' but I guess I am getting too close, too loud, asking questions too soon, trying to make some kind of connection. I see them not wanting to try to engage with me. I am overbearing. I have tried plan A, B and C and just cannot find a personality that women like to engage with. I try to even be soft spoken and slow talking but it is hard to be someone you are not for long. Anyway, my daughter does not understand why everyone always says no to her on hanging out. I know exactly why. When I run into the mothers' in the grocery store it takes me off guard and I do not real quick get into "social mode". I will have my stone face on and no personality or swagger on and have nothing to say because I am not prepared. They just do not get the right feeling about me but they cannot figure out what it is. Well I am sure not going to tell them and I am so so tired of trying I don't give a crap anymore.

 

[strugglewithin]

I don't have children but I can relate to nobody coming over. I have had barbques by myself. One year I even had thanksgiving dinner alone. That was a lot of wasted food.
I am not very good at being social but I keep trying. Usually I'm the person with the job at the party. The guy who has to go get things. Or helping in the kitchen. This way I talk briefly and then excuse myself to go take care of something. It gives me a break to regroup myself.
I have told a few people of why I'm different. They took it well and seem to understand me better. I don't recommend trying to be someone your not. Talk about how the kids are doing at cheerleading or what's coming up at school. Something light and generic. Try talking about the Cowboys, longhorns, or the Presidential race. If you're into running try the Austin 1020 should be a good time. If they have a new truck ask them about it. Like quilting have you gone to the Houston quilt show at the end of October? Kids had a great time at schlitterbaum. This way they will do all the talking while you keep agreeing. You will get better at it. Hope you keep trying and you will find the right connections with the other parents.

 

[Southern Discomfort]

I come across have not having a lot of emotion in my face too. I do make movements with my facial muscles but they must not be enough to make a difference in my appearance.

 

[e79243]

I am going on Thanksgiving, Christmas , New Years by myself for 5 years. This past year at Christmas time I went to my family 30 minutes away. I avoided them at Christmas and Thanksgiving for 5 years because I do not enjoy my mother's company. This year I went after 5 long years and we avoided each other. I just think she is annoying is all. So I rather be by myself then with people I do not like being around. I went this year because I was getting depresses listening year after year what all do but me. Especially telling people at work what I am doing year after year. I cannot lie or I would of lied and told them something else. I would tell them year after year I am having a quiet one this year. I always send my daughter to her dad's on all holidays because they do it big and she needs to grow up having huge fun holidays

 

[paloftoon]

For some holidays, consider saving up for a super quality meal at a good restaurant. You could also consider looking for a hiking group that might hike on a holiday if you live close enough to a big city, or if not, maybe do that on your own. Exercise can be a good reliever, and something I need to do more of myself.

 

[e79243]

Most people with autism such as myself do not do things alone. We want to do many things but we do not do them. We stay at home all the time and do nothing. We want to socialize, go to movies, go to nice dinners but we do not. I do not know too many people that do fun things alone. I will go shopping alone and to the grocery store alone. I will not but want to join groups to do things. I would love to join a dining out group. I don't do all the things I want to do. I now blame it on lazy these days instead of anything else.