social baggage

[paloftoon]

Why do I randomly start complaining to people I kind of know? Of course I know why. I'm kind of sad, but I just have to accept the status quo.

Their answer is always that "I need to join more groups." I'm in too many groups. It gets tiring to try to constantly change, especially when you enjoy the activity. So now I just go and immerse myself is those activities.

I hate it when new people especially pat me on the back like I'm a little kid. It's a big indication that I can never be friends with them or that they will never level with me even though ironically I'm probably older than many of those people but just look a lot younger.

I have accomplished a lot for what I thought I would've ended up. More knowledge and if I exercise a lot more, this will be more powerful in the long run. Will it make me happier though? Maybe just a little. Maybe I need to focus on little bits at a time.

I will only sacrifice so much without some type of (full) reciprocation or trust.

 

[Mia]

That's what I do, focus on the everyday, the things in life that make living tolerable, the walks, the bike rides, sunsets, birds, the sound of the wind. If I began to think in terms of the N/T world that surrounds me, it would make me unhappy as it did when I lived in it each day, recall being in the city and completely missing the autumn season, not even noticing. So much of it was superficial, it seemed as if the world was one gigantic ball of manipulation and everyone was in a never-ending cycle.

All the 'stuff' and the people who think it makes them important or special or somehow better that they have it. After the car and giant tv and home there is only the more expensive car, tv or home. Then what? It must be very disappointing to discover that the things that you've worked for all of your life are all there is, that seems so empty. As if you were on an never stopping treadmill. Glad that I've found some of the things that give my life meaning, that's all anyone can really do.