So many questions

[RubyAdams]

Hello,

I’m not quite sure what to put here, so I guess I’ll start by saying my name is Ruby I’m 24 (25 in June!) and I live in the UK. I’m currently undiagnosed and am seeking to get an assessment to confirm my thinking.

i’m currently signed off work as I’m in a pit of depression feeling as if I don’t fit in anywhere, I’m not too sure what I’m meant to do, and that the things I want to do aren’t really acceptable to be able to do at the age of 24.

I was diagnosed bipolar a year and a half ago, but never really felt like that was diagnosed properly. Specially as my psychiatrist at the time had only a few sessions with me. So felt he wasn’t able to grasp these signs after (what I now know to be) masking for so long. Since then I took the information given and thought okay well I’m going to spend my time doing “hobbies” to make me feel better, but soon realised I felt I had to stop them as I was allowed to enjoy them for restricted amounts of time; which in return made me depressed as I feel like I can’t be who I want to be.

so fast forward to now, I’m finding myself trying to alter most parts of my life to see if that makes me feel any better but I still come back to the same feeling of not being able to do/be who I want to be, not fitting in anywhere, struggling with friendships and relationships, emotions the list is endless.

To also throw in another spanner, is that I have (what I would class as) quiet severe childhood trauma which I have not managed to heal whatsoever, and I can’t seem to figure out if the symptoms/signs I am experiencing (and have been since I can remember) are just severe childhood trauma and these are coping strategies, or if I’ve been on the spectrum my whole life and what has happened to me is more traumatic due to me not being able to cope with it in the beginning, or even express to someone I am going through this I need help.

I’ve been doing my research and just feel like i’m finding explanations that really explain how I’ve felt my whole life but was never able to actually explain this is how I feel, and came across this site. I’m hoping by opening up this will help me connect with those who are diagnosed so I can ask some more questions and get a direct example of how being on the spectrum has had different effects on your life.

I really appreciate anyone responding to this, and thank you in advance. Not quite sure how to finish this, so have a great day!

 

[Thinx]

Hi and welcome. There are useful resources and discussions here which I hope you will find helpful, and will give your views too. It sounds like things have been tough for you, and covid 19 probably hasn't helped either.

I am sorry you feel you can't do your hobbies, having interests and hobbies can be helpful to feel better, and allow you to relax.

It seems like you have found a diagnosis that makes sense for how you are, and that you recognise in yourself, that's good. Things will hopefully improve now that you have that anchor.

 

[tree]

 

[Skittlebisquit]

Welcome

The hobbies are the most important thing, that and exercise. Its howling blizzard outside here now. I wear supportive shoes and walk around indoors for hours, i call it doing laps.

I struggle with high standards in both hygiene and sanitation. I ALWAYS FEEL BETTER IN A CLEANER HOUSE
Thats just me. To make me feel better, i clean and sing along with the radio, and eat well. Lots of water. Learn yoga( only if you are able and well enough) or adaptive alternatives.
What elses? Cigarettes and coffee for breakfast worsens all types of mental issues, esp depression.

 

[VictorR]

Welcome!

Don't worry too much about what society thinks is appropriate for your age or any other characteristic.
Do what you like and makes you happy.

(Disclaimer: As a kid I didn't go to a certain arcade growing up, and some colleagues decided to take my there for my birthday. Unfortunately their policy you had to be either 12 or younger, or accompanying someone who was so we were barred entry.)

 

[Au Naturel]

the things I want to do aren’t really acceptable to be able to do at the age of 24

Ok, they didn't let you in because there's a hysteria about adults all being potential molestors so without a child, you didn't have a "requirement" to be there. That doesn't mean it isn't acceptable to have the interest. It just means they are worried about their insurance and what a handful of anal-retentive grownups might think. It also probably means they don't want to pony up the money to actually monitor what is going on in their business.

Personally, I could not stand the noise in an arcade. Drop my son off spend most of the time waiting outside.

 

[Maky]

Hello,

I’m not quite sure what to put here, so I guess I’ll start by saying my name is Ruby I’m 24 (25 in June!) and I live in the UK. I’m currently undiagnosed and am seeking to get an assessment to confirm my thinking.

i’m currently signed off work as I’m in a pit of depression feeling as if I don’t fit in anywhere, I’m not too sure what I’m meant to do, and that the things I want to do aren’t really acceptable to be able to do at the age of 24.

I was diagnosed bipolar a year and a half ago, but never really felt like that was diagnosed properly. Specially as my psychiatrist at the time had only a few sessions with me. So felt he wasn’t able to grasp these signs after (what I now know to be) masking for so long. Since then I took the information given and thought okay well I’m going to spend my time doing “hobbies” to make me feel better, but soon realised I felt I had to stop them as I was allowed to enjoy them for restricted amounts of time; which in return made me depressed as I feel like I can’t be who I want to be.

so fast forward to now, I’m finding myself trying to alter most parts of my life to see if that makes me feel any better but I still come back to the same feeling of not being able to do/be who I want to be, not fitting in anywhere, struggling with friendships and relationships, emotions the list is endless.

To also throw in another spanner, is that I have (what I would class as) quiet severe childhood trauma which I have not managed to heal whatsoever, and I can’t seem to figure out if the symptoms/signs I am experiencing (and have been since I can remember) are just severe childhood trauma and these are coping strategies, or if I’ve been on the spectrum my whole life and what has happened to me is more traumatic due to me not being able to cope with it in the beginning, or even express to someone I am going through this I need help.

I’ve been doing my research and just feel like i’m finding explanations that really explain how I’ve felt my whole life but was never able to actually explain this is how I feel, and came across this site. I’m hoping by opening up this will help me connect with those who are diagnosed so I can ask some more questions and get a direct example of how being on the spectrum has had different effects on your life.

I really appreciate anyone responding to this, and thank you in advance. Not quite sure how to finish this, so have a great day!

Welcome. Earlier today, someone recommended the Embrace ASD website, and I'd have to agree. If you're trying to decide if your symptoms are from trauma or masking, this site would be perfect for you.

I'm not a psychologist or even an expert, but since I learned about ASD, I've gotten really good at spotting it in other people, including women. So far, I've come across one trait shared among the five women I know with ASD. During conversations, all of them have a tendency to suddenly blurt out their thoughts, often in a sharp or loud voice. It's not just getting excited about something and eagerly tossing in your $0.02. It's usually preceded by tension, which is released when they explosively spout out what's on their minds. Once I hear that, I know I'm dealing with a woman with ASD. Again, I'm not an expert, and it's probably not in 100% of ASD women, but it's been a very reliable indicator for me when it comes to those supposedly elusive women on the spectrum.

As for a formal diagnosis, you should know that accounts from your parents will be key. People with ASD show far more diagnostic symptoms as children, often around the ages of 3 to 5. We later grow out of them or learn to mask. Problems that typically linger in adulthood or perpetual social problems and sometimes hypersensitivities to things like sound, smell, or taste. Of course, there are lots more symptoms, but your family is likely to know things that you never made memories of, and those will be key to your diagnosis.

 

[zozie]

I have a history of childhood trauma, too, and that makes it tricky. I didn't suspect anything until last year, just before my 40th birthday, when so much of my trauma was resolving due to effective, somatic therapies but other things just...weren't. Social confusion, for example, and executive functioning.

Lots of autists are traumatized in early childhood just by the stressors around them, especially if they're not recognized as being hypersensitive or they don't know how to, or can't, communicate their distress.

If you're wondering and want to make it more official, I would suggest researching assessors who have experience with adult women. Trauma is common in undiagnosed adults, particularly women.

And, if you can, dig deep into your childhood for signs before abuse (if possible) to see how you were before things got hairy. I was lucky; my abuse started at age 9. My very early childhood was more or less undisturbed.

 

[Tom]

I think most of us know that pit. I don't really know what to say for your specific circumstance and have to fall back on just the basic idea of keeping up your hope that you will eventually make your way out of it. Not forever perhaps, as life seems to be a series and stumbles and getting back up, but trusting in yourself to eventually finding a way. Like the saying goes 'where there is a will there is a way'.

 

[MyLifeAsAnAspie]

Hi and Welcome to the forums . I second what Maky said, there should be some signs of ASD as a child to have diagnosable ASD. If there was, there are online screening tests like AQ and the Aspie Quiz that can give you an idea of whether you should consider an assessment.

 

[Gift2humanity]

Hello,

I’m not quite sure what to put here, so I guess I’ll start by saying my name is Ruby I’m 24 (25 in June!) and I live in the UK. I’m currently undiagnosed and am seeking to get an assessment to confirm my thinking.

i’m currently signed off work as I’m in a pit of depression feeling as if I don’t fit in anywhere, I’m not too sure what I’m meant to do, and that the things I want to do aren’t really acceptable to be able to do at the age of 24.

I was diagnosed bipolar a year and a half ago, but never really felt like that was diagnosed properly. Specially as my psychiatrist at the time had only a few sessions with me. So felt he wasn’t able to grasp these signs after (what I now know to be) masking for so long. Since then I took the information given and thought okay well I’m going to spend my time doing “hobbies” to make me feel better, but soon realised I felt I had to stop them as I was allowed to enjoy them for restricted amounts of time; which in return made me depressed as I feel like I can’t be who I want to be.

so fast forward to now, I’m finding myself trying to alter most parts of my life to see if that makes me feel any better but I still come back to the same feeling of not being able to do/be who I want to be, not fitting in anywhere, struggling with friendships and relationships, emotions the list is endless.

To also throw in another spanner, is that I have (what I would class as) quiet severe childhood trauma which I have not managed to heal whatsoever, and I can’t seem to figure out if the symptoms/signs I am experiencing (and have been since I can remember) are just severe childhood trauma and these are coping strategies, or if I’ve been on the spectrum my whole life and what has happened to me is more traumatic due to me not being able to cope with it in the beginning, or even express to someone I am going through this I need help.

I’ve been doing my research and just feel like i’m finding explanations that really explain how I’ve felt my whole life but was never able to actually explain this is how I feel, and came across this site. I’m hoping by opening up this will help me connect with those who are diagnosed so I can ask some more questions and get a direct example of how being on the spectrum has had different effects on your life.

I really appreciate anyone responding to this, and thank you in advance. Not quite sure how to finish this, so have a great day!

A warm welcome to you.

It is common for autistic people to feel like they don’t fit in, this can give rise to depression, among other things.

You say you are not sure what you are meant to do, we were all put on this earth to do something.
To identify what you are meant to do, simply look at what you enjoyed doing as a child.
Be it sport, art, music, maths et cetera et cetera.

if bipolar does not feel right for you, say so.
Say so, especially if you are on bipolar medication.

Many of us have masked and this just complicates things, it may be the reason why it takes so long for us to get a diagnosis.

I don’t get why are you stopped doing hobbies especially as you enjoyed them, I am just trying to get back into my art, it seems to be calming me down somewhat.
You can do your hobbies for as long as you want, they are enjoyable and will do you good.
Hobbies you like will help you to find out who your authentic self is.
Doing what is “you“ and help you to “find yourself“.

Friendships and relationships can be difficult for people on the spectrum.
We can also have issues around identity, we tried to be somebody else and it didn’t work and we ended up not knowing how we were.

I hope you can get some help healing with The childhood trauma that you suffered. We hold trauma energy in our bodies and it causes blockages and when we allow ourselves to feel these all pains we can release them.

This will also help us on our way to becoming our authentic selves.
You are very welcome to ask as many questions as you like.

 

[Gift2humanity]

Welcome. Earlier today, someone recommended the Embrace ASD website, and I'd have to agree. If you're trying to decide if your symptoms are from trauma or masking, this site would be perfect for you.

I'm not a psychologist or even an expert, but since I learned about ASD, I've gotten really good at spotting it in other people, including women. So far, I've come across one trait shared among the five women I know with ASD. During conversations, all of them have a tendency to suddenly blurt out their thoughts, often in a sharp or loud voice. It's not just getting excited about something and eagerly tossing in your $0.02. It's usually preceded by tension, which is released when they explosively spout out what's on their minds. Once I hear that, I know I'm dealing with a woman with ASD. Again, I'm not an expert, and it's probably not in 100% of ASD women, but it's been a very reliable indicator for me when it comes to those supposedly elusive women on the spectrum.

As for a formal diagnosis, you should know that accounts from your parents will be key. People with ASD show far more diagnostic symptoms as children, often around the ages of 3 to 5. We later grow out of them or learn to mask. Problems that typically linger in adulthood or perpetual social problems and sometimes hypersensitivities to things like sound, smell, or taste. Of course, there are lots more symptoms, but your family is likely to know things that you never made memories of, and those will be key to your diagnosis.

Sorry for thread derail.
Thank you for mentioning embraceASD, I did not know about this site, I will look.

 

[SusanLR]

Welcome to the forums.

Ask away!
That is a good way to find your answers and compare traits.
I wasn't diagnosed until in my 50's and it certainly made a difference in understanding
myself and how my life had been.
It all came together and finding this forum was wonderful for chat and discussion on
all types of discussions.

I had symptoms starting around age three. But, no one back then thought of ASD.
They just thought I was a quiet loner that didn't care for playing with others my age.
I didn't have any abuse, but, many people on here have and talk of how it affected them.

Glad to have you here!

 

[clg114]

Welcome to Autism Forums!