Silence when it is screaming aghhhh

[Suzanne]

For me, this hits when after being in a room or car, with a few people and then being left alone with one person and it is like the atmosphere is charged with echos! I get so excruciatingly embarrassed that I have to say something but hearing my own voice, is deafening and so artificial and worse, when the recipient is not forthcoming with answering and so, a struggle goes on and then, relief when others join, but also horrible, because you feel so aware of how false it all is!

 

[Aspergirl4hire]

I get that. It's like the building is still speaking.

I really need a lot of space in a silence that loud. I've noticed that some of the NT's I've dealt with feel something too: they are slower to start talking than usual, speak a little more softly, move more slowly, if the meeting was contentious.

Sometimes I just excuse myself to use a bathroom and sit in a stall with the door closed and my hands over my ears, breathing. Weird, but helps me.

There's a new study out that MIT students found they could retrieve fragments of conversations from potato chip bags. Objects are affected by what we say and how we say it: atmospheres really do "get charged."

 

[Suzanne]

I get that. It's like the building is still speaking.

I really need a lot of space in a silence that loud. I've noticed that some of the NT's I've dealt with feel something too: they are slower to start talking than usual, speak a little more softly, move more slowly, if the meeting was contentious.

Sometimes I just excuse myself to use a bathroom and sit in a stall with the door closed and my hands over my ears, breathing. Weird, but helps me.

There's a new study out that MIT students found they could retrieve fragments of conversations from potato chip bags. Objects are affected by what we say and how we say it: atmospheres really do "get charged."

Thank you so much for replying! I must admit, I have been feeling rather sensitive that many have viewed and not one single response but in a sense, that was good, because it rather broke the spell on being obsessed but hang it all, feel tons better today and whoa hello obsession lol

 

[IAmParadiseSeekerJW]

The worst is when you feel the awkwardness of being in the room and because there is a silence you feel judged by the other person or persons and if you try and make conversation and it doesn't really happen, you feel that even more...

 

[Suzanne]

The worst is when you feel the awkwardness of being in the room and because there is a silence you feel judged by the other person or persons and if you try and make conversation and it doesn't really happen, you feel that even more...

Very much so, but I guess in reality, they are feeling just as awkward but that is what embarrasses me further, knowing the horrible possibility that they are feeling horrible and so that makes me feel inadequate that I cannot speak up and try to ease the embarrassment or when I do, the response is one word and you are left feeling even worse!!

Truly hate those times, but thankfully, have not experienced it for some time now

 

[Aspergirl4hire]

Suzanne, I take comfort in the silence, because it's an opportunity to let my intuition and hidden emotion venture out, carefully, like antennae or whiskers, to explore the silence, and what it's saying. I find that silence never says nothing, but I also know that I don't necessarily know what the silence is saying. So I listen, because when the words do come, they come out of whatever the silence set up.

I don't feel obligated to break the silence, and I'm pretty sure that most times I'm not the most important thing in the room or in other people's priorities or thoughts. Unless they're staring at me, I just let them think. Some feedback I've gotten is that it's really comfortable being around me then, because I'm not placing any demands on another overstressed mind--even NTs get that, and they don't have as much experience of it as we do. Because I'm usually trying to process the data, I under-react, and other people experience that as soothing in a charged atmosphere.

I'm also touched by your appreciation of a reply, Suzanne. In touring the blogs, as a newbie, I've been wondering whether to use my own blog as a place to just scream and weep, and not expect reply--I certainly need a place for text-driven meltdown--or a place to work out some ideas, and hope someone's interested enough to comment. I imagine that for a lot of aspies who don't talk in conversation, a blog doesn't obviously say, "please tell me what you think, can you relate, is it just me or are there others?" I'm not trying to put words in your mouth, these are my thoughts only. And blogs do favor the verbal.

If it's any comfort, if you can tell who's read your post, it's probably safe to assume you've made a difference to them, one way or another. Can you see that reading you validates the value of your blog, whatever they make of it. The first thing is how the words helped or didn't help the other person, and what new thoughts are coming into being because you risked sharing some of yourself. Make sense?

 

[epath13]

I actually always wonder why the other person doesn't talk but it only happens when I know the person, if I don't - I don't care. I actually prefer strangers to be quiet, for one simple reason - I don't know them, I can't always predict what they are going to say, it means I may not be ready to respond

 

[Suzanne]

Suzanne, I take comfort in the silence, because it's an opportunity to let my intuition and hidden emotion venture out, carefully, like antennae or whiskers, to explore the silence, and what it's saying. I find that silence never says nothing, but I also know that I don't necessarily know what the silence is saying. So I listen, because when the words do come, they come out of whatever the silence set up.

I don't feel obligated to break the silence, and I'm pretty sure that most times I'm not the most important thing in the room or in other people's priorities or thoughts. Unless they're staring at me, I just let them think. Some feedback I've gotten is that it's really comfortable being around me then, because I'm not placing any demands on another overstressed mind--even NTs get that, and they don't have as much experience of it as we do. Because I'm usually trying to process the data, I under-react, and other people experience that as soothing in a charged atmosphere.

I'm also touched by your appreciation of a reply, Suzanne. In touring the blogs, as a newbie, I've been wondering whether to use my own blog as a place to just scream and weep, and not expect reply--I certainly need a place for text-driven meltdown--or a place to work out some ideas, and hope someone's interested enough to comment. I imagine that for a lot of aspies who don't talk in conversation, a blog doesn't obviously say, "please tell me what you think, can you relate, is it just me or are there others?" I'm not trying to put words in your mouth, these are my thoughts only. And blogs do favor the verbal.

If it's any comfort, if you can tell who's read your post, it's probably safe to assume you've made a difference to them, one way or another. Can you see that reading you validates the value of your blog, whatever they make of it. The first thing is how the words helped or didn't help the other person, and what new thoughts are coming into being because you risked sharing some of yourself. Make sense?

I wish I could could feel like you, but sadly, silence makes me very anxious